Turning Lamebos Into Rainbows

Rambling Goat and Nonsense Unicorn present… The Awesome Person's Guide to Life


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Stink Dick

It was the season of 21sts and the single period after Cherry and I broke up. I was at that stage of being over the heartache and not really giving a crap about guys, just getting drunk and having a good time.

I’m at a friends costume party dressed as a dog, and something something who knows how it happened but I end up sleeping with this guy. Let’s call him SD.

Side note: wtf is with picking up guys when dressed up? And I’m not talking about the slut version of costumes, I had freakin black spots painted on my face. Perhaps a closet furry?

Anyway, so it kind of turned in to a one night stand that wouldn’t go away and somehow turned into a relationship. A quite mundane and boring relationship. I think it was the epitome of a rebound, no feeling but it fills the time kind of thing.

We would do relatively boring things – eat dinner and then fuck in my car. He never focused on making me cum (don’t think I ever did? Not worth remembering).

And OMG he had stink dick. Like, how can you be 21 with stink dick? Do you even shower? And I actually put that thing inside me. Gross. But at the time I was young and thought perhaps it was normal or something .


6 months down the track I was somewhat looking for an excuse to break up with him (the dude wore skinny jeans for jeebus sakes!) Luckily, he went away for a weekend  with friends and one of my bfs was part of the crowd. She caught him fucking this known slag and let me know.

Who would have thought that cheating could bring so much elation, but there we were. So I was at work and couldn’t wait until I finished. I texted him to come meet me and dumped him there. Dumb ass denied it the whole time which made it so much easier, because dude you were caught red handed.

He lost a unicorn for one night with a hippo. 

Conquest count: 12

Nonsense unicorn

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