Turning Lamebos Into Rainbows

Rambling Goat and Nonsense Unicorn present… The Awesome Person's Guide to Life


So apparently I’m 17 again..

That dreaded 10 year high school reunion we’ve been mentioning has now been and gone. And of course your trusty Rambling Goat was going to make it eventful..

I guess some background info for my school is that it was pretty superficial. It’s not necessarily a rich area, but it’s in a secluded (of their own choice) region and most people love the area so much that they never leave. I went to a Catholic school, and although some were religious, I think most people chose this school because it was private as opposed to a public school. My family isn’t religious in the slightest.

The girls weren’t exactly bitchy but fashionably speaking, I didn’t match. They wore dresses on casual clothes days (we wore a uniform normally), had long hair, wore makeup, drank girly drinks and loved Mariah Carey. I used to wear baggy Jean shorts with a chain, a white singlet, didn’t have a clue about makeup and listened to Blink 182 and Linkin Park. FYI, I did go through a very brief dress and heel phase when I turned 18 and started going to bars, and can still pull it off, but its not my thing.

The girls in school were all giving themselves x amount of years to find a husband, and would talk about how good it would be to find a rich man. I was a bright coloured jeans and converse type girl with a ciggy hangin out my mouth and snorting speed off the back of a toilet cistern (at work, not school). So needless to say, I wasn’t exactly in the same mind frame. I had guy friends, would get no sleep, would go raving, would sleep in religion class, get detention etc etc.

So the reunion, where do I start.. Ok well I ran late for predrinks. Which I blame mostly on the sugar daddy sending me into subspace right before I was meant to leave, but I’m also going to blame it on traffic too.

The predrinks went well, I’d even got into convos about how slutty an ex-friend now is and listened to a thin girl tell me she needs to lose weight without too much twitching. Now for the minor detail which would make the night interesting – we were drinking champagne. I’d normally drink beer but the champers was there and free. Aaaand I didn’t drink beers because they wanted my help drinking the champagne.


We got to the bar and after passing ‘popular’ girls done up with makeup, fancy clothes and screaming (to which I responded “oh my god”), Nonsense Unicorn and I hastily made our way to the toilets. Yes, we went to school together if you didn’t know 🙂 In the toilets this blonde bimbo poked her head in and did the kind of ‘hello’ that screamed ‘I don’t give a shit about you losers’. In this moment I knew the night was going to suck balls.

I was wearing no makeup, just had my hair out (and probably still had sex hair) and was wearing burgundy jeans, some awesome sneakers I got in Germany, a singlet and biker jacket. For someone who doesn’t give a fuck, I was starting to give a fuck.. Or maybe its better described as ‘whyyyy the fuck am I here again?!’. I’ve done nothing in 10 years, I smell like sex (from a sugar daddy no less), I probably look like an old hag thanks to no makeup and the strange lighting, but hey, gotta suck it up and do the walk of no shame through the crowd of superficial tools.

I got to see a bunch of nerdier girl friends from school who are lovely, and to be honest I hid there with them as long as I could. During this time, somehow rounds had started with the predrinks girls and I was drinking vodka-and-some-nonsense with a straw. All I wanted was beer but I figured I’d just go along with it – adding a third type of drink in the mix would end badly. Probably with vomit.


I spotted a guy friend, then everything after that is hazy and/or missing from my memory. I remember seeing a best friend I had during high school, a bunch of people talking about getting married, engaged and/or having kids, some girl talking to me for 10 mins before I worked out who she was, smoking with one of the naughty boys from school (I haven’t smoked in years! WTF!), getting kicked out of the bar, then waking up at NU’s place. I was half naked on a blowup bed on the floor with dirt in the bed.

So what happened? Well apparently, the best friend from school bought me a bunch of drinks (still vodka), as did the guy friend, and then I was spotted doing shots with the naughty boy (I refuse to do shots at all now because they make me vomit so again, WTF?). Then after getting kicked out of the bar and NU yelling obscenities to the bouncer (aren’t friends the best? 😀 ), we went to the train station where once again in my life, cops saw me plastered. We went to the park where I vommed into the bushes, then got a taxi where I vommed out the door, and got back to NU’s house where I fell out on the ground and rolled around in the dirt under a tree in the pouring rain.

So… I guess that went well?

What lesson did I learn? That although I’ve basically done nothing in 10 years and not only looked and smelled of sex and vomit on a night when I probably should have put more effort in, I still have no shame. Apparently this classy bitch is still young so I’m going to bloody well act like it (whether I like it or not..).

Rambling Goat