Turning Lamebos Into Rainbows

Rambling Goat and Nonsense Unicorn present… The Awesome Person's Guide to Life


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Are you a Hobosapien?

I’m an extrovert. However, this is only when I’m out and interacting with people. At all other times, I am a Hobosapien aka Nanahobo (Accurate terms by the lovely Nonsense Unicorn).

Symptoms of Nanahoboism:
*You make plans one day, then spend the following days leading up to the event trying to cancel/postpone/weasel your way out of it.
*If you have to go somewhere, it takes a shitload of effort to get yourself motivated and ready and you usually run late (with that tiny glimmer of hope that the other person will cancel).
*If the other person cancels, you instantly become the happiest person on earth.
*On your days off work you wear pj’s until lunchtime, shower, then put on a fresh pair of pj’s, feeling productive for doing so.
*You give yourself very basic and achievable goals for the weekend (eg. Making a tart), but only end up completing the bare necessities (washing clothes).
*You figure its not worth going out with friends because you’ll spend money, then buy a novelty mug online because you’re bored.
*You’re more than happy to live vicariously through your social friends and their hilarious stories.

hobo

If you are thinking ‘oh shit yeah, finally someone understands me!’, well, let your Hobosapien cape fly my friend! Well, mentally (unless you bought it online that time..). It’s totes fine to be a Nanahobo. In fact, more Gen Y’s and millenials are doing it. I could even say it’s trending o.O
Does anyone even go out and do stuff anymore? Pssshhh, lame.

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Fellow Hobos, I’ve got some suggestions of great fun things you can chat to your fellow Hobosapiens about (via text of course):
*Various slipper styles (sending photos is totally allowed).
*Compare the longest you’ve stayed in your PJ’s for.
*How the weather is crappy outside.
*What great TV series you’re watching at the moment.
*Video game recommendations (NU gives me these, love it!).
*How bills are so expensive these days and both agree that money sucks (but internally you kinda love that it means you get to stay home more).
*Well it’s a no-brainer, but send them hilarious memes. I ended up in an Eminem meme spiral yesterday so let me share some with you for this #throwbackidontknowwhatdayitis :

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And if you’re looking for activities to keep you inside/entertain you while you’re avoiding society then try these out for size:
*Craft projects (but read this first).
*Read a book.
*Convince yourself you should go and cook up some amazing dish and then realise you CBF and just make a sandwich. Remember, sandwiches are amazing too.
*Video games.
*Draw plans of stuff you want to do (don’t worry, you don’t actually have to do them 😉 ).
*Turn some music on and dance around the kitchen with your pets. I did this yesterday, highly recommended for it’s hilarity and feel-good factor!

Don’t feel bad about doing a whole lot of nothing my humble Hobofolk, band together (mentally) and stay warm, comfortable and entertained in your comfort zone!
I’ve got yo back!

Rambling Goat

 

 

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Simple!

**Found a few drafts from a while back, so I’m booking them in to be future posts, huzzah!**

I’m on the train and as you do, overheard a few converstaions.

Kid – I have diabetes!
Other Kid – I like apples!

The ladies in front of me talking about prescription glasses.

I listen back to the kids – I like green ones! (still talking about apples)

Why can’t life just stay that simple??

apple

Rambling Goat


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Moving and skating and graduation, oh my

Well life has been one cluster fuck over the past few months. Let me regail you on a bit of a breakdown of what’s being going on in unicorn town:

  • So boy and I were pretty much on hiatus for like 3 weeks or something, during that time I ran away and lived with my parents.  After this time we both had long hard looks at our relationship and life and all that, and decided that although we have a lot to work on its worth fighting for. So we decided to give it another go.
  • Nek minnit we have put our notice in at our place and are moving into a one bedder! Roommate was a child about it and we haven’t seen him since. Meh.
  • Handed in my last essay and completed my last exam – given that I pass it all, I know officially have completed another qualification. Let’s add Graduate Diploma in Psychological Sciences to the end of my name with the rest of the qualifications I have and do absolutely fuck all with. Now to decide whether to give honours a go, the post grad diploma before masters, or just give up and resign to the fact that I’m too dumb to ever be a legit psychologist so I should probs just shut up and keep working admin and maybe pop out a spawn soon or something.

  • I’m totally doing a fresh meat course for roller derby. I’m not the worse in the pack, but my confidence is definitely not there to believe that I will get through it to actually make it onto the team one day. But skating is fun, and it’s a lesson for me to try to keep persisting and not let my lack of confidence get the better of me.


And add work being a big shit ball of busyness and annoying people, that’s my life right about now. Just so you know. Not that it’s very exciting or anything, but you know, sometimes writing about this crap helps validate existence. That or I’m just procrastinating at work. Eh.
NU


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Forever Young

I received a text last night about another friend expecting a baby. I think that now officially moves the ratio of my friends closer to the motherhood side and I am the outlier . Eww.


I am officially at that age where all my friends are getting married and having babies, and I’m just here roller skating, looking at BJD dolls and planning which gaming console I’m going to buy next.

I don’t care if I’m 30, im too damn young to be needing all of this adult bullshit.


When I received the text last night, instead of feeling happy for my friend I started to get that gut wrenching burn of anxiety inside my chest. I closed my eyes and tried not to panic about the perpetual paradox that I live in.

Why don’t I want the same things as everyone else? Am I unknowingly a sociopath or something?

I don’t want babies now, but I also don’t want to have babies when I’m older.

I don’t want to get married, but I don’t want babies out of wedlock.

All these thoughts, wishing I could just follow the status quo. But I don’t freaking want to.

And I know that blah blah when the time is right, but you can’t argue with biology. And what if I end up having wary menopause, or fertility problems, I’m already 7 years out of my breeding prime, am I really meant to be thinking of re-spawning now?

When do I draw the line and make the decision to take a leap into adulthood?

When do I have to grow up?


Nonsense Unicorn


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Take a picture (it lasts longer)

So I was out at dinner for a friend’s birthday this evening. One of her friends was apparently allergic to photos.
Whenever anyone went to take a photo, even a whole group shot, she would make the effort to make it clear that “I don’t do photos” and not be included. 
She is either a vampire or so deeply consumed in her insecurities to act this way.
And so I got thinking.

Get over yourself. The photo is not about you, or your double chin, pimple or whatever else you deem to be so hideous as to not be worthy of pictorial evidence.

  
Who actually likes their photo taken? Minus the narcissists and selfie taking teens in this world. Many people don’t find it comfortable, but you do it to let your friends capture a moment.
That’s what it is. It’s about catching a moment. Freezing a memory in time. Just another leaf of the book in your life, a moment you are alive and living and existing. A moment that you can look back on when you are questioning reality and remind yourself “I am indeed alive”.

So just take the fucking photo and get over it. Besides, everyone will be looking at their own double chins and not yours anyway.
Nonsense unicorn


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Am I the only one?

We all have our weird quirks and habits, especially when we are alone and think that no one else knows.

Well, out of plain curiosity you will now all know some of the weird things I do! As I ask you all: am I the only one? Surely not, right?

I trace words with my tongue on the back of my teeth

My subconscious brain will extract a particularly satisfying word I have heard that day, and will begin to trace it in cursive back and forth on the back of my teeth…

Am I the only one? Or mildly OCD?

Find my farts hilarious

Sometimes I’ll be alone and they will toot in a specially funny way and I can’t help but crack up.

I use my boobs and stomach as a table

Cheaper than buying a stable table, comfier than sitting in an upright position.

Read the shampoo bottle in the shower

And the gel. And the soap. And the face wash. It feels more satisfying than reading a good book.

Miss my mouth when brushing my teeth

This happens more frequently than one would think. Toothpaste in the eye does not create a fresher outlook on life.

And a thought to leave you with: ever noticed how your tongue doesn’t sit comfortably in your mouth?
Over and out

Nonsense unicorn


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Duck Quacks Don’t Echo

I have a new favourite show.. Just kidding, it’s still a tie between Archer and Adventure Time. But I *have* found this interesting English show called Duck Quacks Don’t Echo. So because I’ve been slack with the posts lately (so many drafts, need to finish, arrggghhh), I’ll entertain you with some facts that are scientifically proven on the show.

Fact:
1. Laughing 100 ‘ha’s’ (fake or real) burns more calories than using an exercise bike for 10 mins.
Laughing = effective exercise.
Machine gun laughter (hahahaha) = more exercise than a drawn out laugh (haaaaaa).

2. Blue eyed people have a higher tolerance to alcohol. In saying this, they end up spending more money on alcohol to keep up with the brown eyed people, and end up doing more damage to their body.

3. Redheads have a higher tolerance to pain. Non redheads have a gene that blocks the self medicating morphine-like boost, whereas redheads get the boost and feel less pain.

4. Just to make us all feel better, there’s one area of the body that doesn’t feel pain due to the small amount of nerves located there. Think you know where it is? It’s that flap of skin on your elbow that sticks out when you straighten your arm. Pinch it and see if it hurts!

5. If you still want to try and get close to the redhead pain tolerance, swearing when you injure yourself actually decreases the pain.

Now if like me, you’re kind of bored and just want to hear some random useless (or I dare say, useful!) information, all you need is like 2 mins here, but be warned that the ‘Fact Finder’ sections are from the studio audience and not all of them are true (but most are!).

Today just hit hectic on the randomness scale! Enjoy.

Rambling Goat