I received a text last night about another friend expecting a baby. I think that now officially moves the ratio of my friends closer to the motherhood side and I am the outlier . Eww.
I don’t care if I’m 30, im too damn young to be needing all of this adult bullshit.
When I received the text last night, instead of feeling happy for my friend I started to get that gut wrenching burn of anxiety inside my chest. I closed my eyes and tried not to panic about the perpetual paradox that I live in.
Why don’t I want the same things as everyone else? Am I unknowingly a sociopath or something?
I don’t want babies now, but I also don’t want to have babies when I’m older.
I don’t want to get married, but I don’t want babies out of wedlock.
All these thoughts, wishing I could just follow the status quo. But I don’t freaking want to.
And I know that blah blah when the time is right, but you can’t argue with biology. And what if I end up having wary menopause, or fertility problems, I’m already 7 years out of my breeding prime, am I really meant to be thinking of re-spawning now?
When do I draw the line and make the decision to take a leap into adulthood?
When do I have to grow up?