Turning Lamebos Into Rainbows

Rambling Goat and Nonsense Unicorn present… The Awesome Person's Guide to Life


3 Comments

Because you’re worth it

To add to the conquest list, this douche comes in at number 13. I’ve already blogged about him, so I’m just going to link to this post so you know the deal.

Moral of the story is that it was yet another one night stand that stuck around like a bad smell, mind fucking me for about 3 years.

Why do I fuck so many assholes?

Nonsense unicorn

Turning Lamebos Into Rainbows

We accept the love we think we deserve.

 

Ah, Perks of Being a Wallflower,  how your words run true.  Why is it that so many people find themselves in relationships that destroy them?  I know it’s never as simple as the above quote,  but I really wonder why sometimes.  And many of us let our hearts me imprinted with soot and poo in these destructive relationships.  Even me, once (or twice.  I know, right?!)

Is it truly a reflection of how we view ourselves from within?

My heart went through quite an arduous journey at the hands of a fool, once upon a time.  What was meant to be a one night stand turned into a tumultuous 3 year affair.  In the beginning it was all good,  after the initial one night stand we ended up meeting again for another night of frivolity.  Which then turned into fortnightly meet…

View original post 1,057 more words


3 Comments

Stink Dick

It was the season of 21sts and the single period after Cherry and I broke up. I was at that stage of being over the heartache and not really giving a crap about guys, just getting drunk and having a good time.

I’m at a friends costume party dressed as a dog, and something something who knows how it happened but I end up sleeping with this guy. Let’s call him SD.

Side note: wtf is with picking up guys when dressed up? And I’m not talking about the slut version of costumes, I had freakin black spots painted on my face. Perhaps a closet furry?

Anyway, so it kind of turned in to a one night stand that wouldn’t go away and somehow turned into a relationship. A quite mundane and boring relationship. I think it was the epitome of a rebound, no feeling but it fills the time kind of thing.

We would do relatively boring things – eat dinner and then fuck in my car. He never focused on making me cum (don’t think I ever did? Not worth remembering).

And OMG he had stink dick. Like, how can you be 21 with stink dick? Do you even shower? And I actually put that thing inside me. Gross. But at the time I was young and thought perhaps it was normal or something .


6 months down the track I was somewhat looking for an excuse to break up with him (the dude wore skinny jeans for jeebus sakes!) Luckily, he went away for a weekend  with friends and one of my bfs was part of the crowd. She caught him fucking this known slag and let me know.

Who would have thought that cheating could bring so much elation, but there we were. So I was at work and couldn’t wait until I finished. I texted him to come meet me and dumped him there. Dumb ass denied it the whole time which made it so much easier, because dude you were caught red handed.

He lost a unicorn for one night with a hippo. 

Conquest count: 12

Nonsense unicorn


1 Comment

A few filler fellas

Or a few filler fucks, but perhaps that’s a bit too crass for a heading. Also, How’s that for alliteration! Anyway, I thought I would get back to my conquest list.

There are a couple that are just not full blog worthy, so I thought I would just provide a quick list of some of the conquests that I can remember.

Sharing is caring: RG’s Ex

After the douche that broke my esteem, I was feeling terribly down and shitty about myself and just wanted to crawl up in a hole and die. Believing that no guy would want to touch me ever again if I was truly as disgusting as douche wad made me out to be.

So RG being the good friend she is said I should totally hit up her ex for a good time to help. And so I did.

Probably one of the most hilarious and awkward things I have done!


Two boring jack hammers

Then there are two guys from school that ended up as drunken screws. Nothing exciting, too drunk and no self esteem to care, ended up back at their place to be a starfish to their jack hammer. Walk of shame in the morning.


I didn’t know it at the time as I didn’t know them well enough, but apparently they both had girlfriends so I was unknowingly the “other woman” for a night. What jerks.

And that brings us to the double digits….

Nonsense unicorn

Conquest count: 11