Turning Lamebos Into Rainbows

Rambling Goat and Nonsense Unicorn present… The Awesome Person's Guide to Life

The ins and outs of public toilet shenanigans

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Whoever first decided to have sexy times in a public toilet cubicle is a sicko. Or maybe they were just super desperate to get their rocks off. Either way, they’ve paved the way and made the idea of sucking dick while poo particles are floating around not seem weird at all.

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The actual reality can vary though because lets be honest, we’re way more awkward and unlucky than the movies make out. To explain the possibilities of what is awesome and what is oh-so-bad, let me describe to you my last two experiences.

*The good time
My play partner and I had a plan – Carry out a BJ (and some face fucking) in a public toilet. He had scoped out a bathroom and afterwards I was shocked because it all went perfect. There was:

1. A fancy looking bathroom.
TAKE NOTE – Nice tiles and new amenities are way better than a room full of spiderwebs and cracked tiles. Thankfully this bathroom had a very renovated feel about it.

2. Cleanliness.
The cleaner walked out right before we went in, talk about perfect timing!

3. That feeling of naughtiness.
He went in a few mins before me and gave me strict instructions to press a green button to enter the bathroom itself, then knock 2 times on the cubicle door. The naughtiest part was that it was a toilet in a ‘parents room’, so we had to be super quiet in case anyone came in with kids. I definitely don’t want to cause any angst to parents or want kids to have any idea! Thankfully the place stayed empty and trying to keep quiet made it extra sexy.

4. Success.
God I love this man’s spooge and believe me, there’s buckets of it. His delicious icing landed on my face, in my mouth, on my hand, on the sink behind me and on my bag on the floor. He made me stare at myself in the mirror and I’m that in love with his cock and cum that I still remember how amazing it looked all over my face. *Happy sigh*. Definitely should have got a photo though!

(For those of you who are thinking ‘eeew penises and cum is grot’, don’t worry its normal, I feel like that sometimes too.)

*The bad time
Riding on the high of the previous experience, we decided to try it again. Being that the bathroom was in a food court of an office building and this was during a weekday, we figured it was probably just a time where there are no parents around. WRONG. Here’s what went wrong:

1. The bathroom being in use.
Yep, he went in to suss it out and there was a random kid chillin’ in a playpen. The dad was hanging a shit so we didn’t even want to wait around until he left. Stank = not sexy.

The unisex bathroom next to it was also in use. I saw a lady go in and 5 mins later she was still hanging out in there. I sussed it out when she left and IMMEDIATELY exited. Yep, another shit.

The backup public toilets in a building nearby was also in use, as was the unisex toilet in the third location. At this point I was laughing at the lack of luck we were having.

2. Female toilets are for female stuff.
I checked out the female toilets in this obscure public toilet block and there were only 3 cubicles, all free. I got him to come in and after some convincing (and checking of cameras), he came into the cubicle. I closed the door, locked it and OMFG a woman entered the bathroom.

What ensued was a hilarious Mexican stand off. He didn’t want to leave so while he perched himself on the seat, I rustled my bag hanging on the door and sniffed occasionally to let her know I was in for the long haul (we females have a weird toilet etiquette). Apparently she was in for the long haul too (after a very loud racehorse piss) and after an overuse of the sniffing technique and some tapping on her phone, I realised we had a crier rather than a shitter. After some weird hand signals which possibly made no sense, we got out of there and tried the unisex toilet again. Empty and not smelly! 😀

3. Is the door secure?
Apparently ours wasn’t. I was on my knees busy turning a slug into a sword and a youngish guy opened the door. Ummm… LOL. He goes “oh god, I’m so sorry! I didn’t see anything!” and hastily left the scene. We got the hell out of there too.

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The moral of the story here is public toilet shenanigans are very prone to failure. There’s so many variables to rattle your horny cage but if you can see the humour in it (and end up without an indecent exposure charge) then go for it. Hehe 😉

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Rambling Goat

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Author: ramblingg0at

Life loves to set me up for its own entertainment. But instead of me hiding these awkward moments, I plan on sharing them for my own (and possibly your) amusement. Now who's laughing, life?

One thought on “The ins and outs of public toilet shenanigans

  1. You and your shenanigans hehe I love it! I’m way too goody two shoes haha

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