Turning Lamebos Into Rainbows

Rambling Goat and Nonsense Unicorn present… The Awesome Person's Guide to Life

It was so bad I pretended to cry

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Things get a little chronologically blurry after the cherry and I broke up, so I’ll just tell the stories as I remember.

I don’t even know if this is technically counted, but it’s too hilarious to think about.

As any young broken hearted girl does after a break up, I was out at a local club drinking and dancing my sorrows away. There was a group of people from school and another outer circle from another school who I wasn’t particularly fond with, but whatever my friends were friends with them.

It started with this mutual friend who looked like an emu face raping me on the dance floor. Awkward and timid me just took it because I sucked (and still do) at saying get off me ya loser.


He then offered to drive me home and I agreed because stuff paying for a cab!

(Yes older and slightly wiser me now realises duh sober guy taking advantage of drunk girl isn’t going to end well…)

We get in his car and he keeps making out with me, then starts taking my clothes off. I was drunk and apathetic and thought … Meh yeah okay meh.

Unfortunately I should have know be from his sloppy kissing that this was going to be shit. He was the kind that thought ramming his fingers inside me for 5 seconds and then trying to shove his thin dick in me is how it works. My body wasn’t having it and the lack of skill or damn common sense about the female anatomy snapped me out of wanting to continue.

So I pretended to cry and said I’m so sorry but in still in love with my ex I can’t do this blah blah and that got me out of it.  He drove me home.


So I don’t know if it’s counted for just the tip for a few seconds (I don’t count it), but it’s funny because he went around telling everyone that he fucked me. I enjoyed telling them the truth

Nonsense unicorn

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Author: nonsenseunicorn

Just another twenty-something year old making sense out of madness. Boom.

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