This morning I hicupped and burped at the same time. This isn’t exactly unusual for me but right after this useless talent of mine (I have a few..), my stomach made a noise that sounded like a fart. There was one guy in the corner of the room who hadn’t left when the rest had and as I was standing at the sink with my back to the room, I think he thought I hadn’t noticed him there. Like as if I waited until everyone left the room and was now letting loose on bodily noises.
He made an awkward arm movement (I assume to create some noise) and then although he had just observed me eating peanut butter on toast, he asked me what I had for breakfast.
I kept casual knowing that the noise came from my stomach and not my butt.
“Peanut butter on toast”.
He awkwardly left the room without a response.
I’ve learnt two things from this encounter:
1. People are anti-audible bodily functions.
2. We are a hilarious musical instrument.
So basically we’re making life extremely difficult for ourselves. Who says a burp is ok but a fart isn’t? Or that a burp is bad compared to a hiccup? Why is a fanny fart funny but a butt fart gross?
One group of people who I’ve noticed are above this dilemma are the oldies. Most of us have been in a supermarket and heard an old man/woman let rip in the next aisle. They’re at a point in their lives where they’ve realised that it’s not a big deal – There’s more to life. Or maybe they’re deaf. Or maybe they have absolutely no control over their body anymore. Either way, go you good things!
But as much as I want to project this attitude of ‘hey, let’s all fart and not care!’
, I DO care.
Maybe I won’t when I’m old but until then, if my musical instrument toots at you or even if you just THINK it has tooted, try not to get all awkies k? All signs point to me being the awkward one here.