Turning Lamebos Into Rainbows

Rambling Goat and Nonsense Unicorn present… The Awesome Person's Guide to Life

Feeling like a sack of potatoes


Swimsuit shopping is a very bad idea after the festive season.

It’s an arduous task at the best of times for someone with curves, but after a month of binge eating and drinking under the guise of “but it’s Christmas”, stuffing your extra rolls into Lycra body condoms definitely takes inches off the self esteem.

So while I eat a pie and wallow in my self pity, I’m gonna have a rant about the plight of swim suit shopping when you got curves and titties.

Plus size is too big, normal size is made for twigs

Why is there not a bigger market for people who aren’t “plus size” or a rake? What about the middle sizes aye? Your ass either turns the bottoms into a g string, or its too big and you look like you’re wearing a potato sack.

Bikini = gotta have no titties

Now I’m not even that big (DD), but every freaking bikini had epic side leakage, under boob, nip exposure or muffin top coming out. So where does that leave me to go?

A one piece – but it’s a sack

So you try on a one piece for something that’s a bit more supportive, but it’s either:

– good for the boobs, but your ass makes you look 70.

– isn’t a sack but your boobs look like pancakes.

Can someone invent a one piece that is actually flattering and supportive for someone in their 20s?

Top and bottom – you can’t have your cake and eat it too

If the top fits, your ass doesn’t, and vice versa.

ERMAGHERD something fits!!!

But it costs a bazillion dollars. Yeah no I’m not paying a small mortgage for just the top, you capitalist scum!

So I’m just going to resort to an actual potato sack when I go away to the beach next week.



Author: nonsenseunicorn

Just another twenty-something year old making sense out of madness. Boom.

3 thoughts on “Feeling like a sack of potatoes

  1. Sorry to say this, but after reading this I am glad I am a guy…so much easier! Hey you could always just become a nudist?!

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