Turning Lamebos Into Rainbows

Rambling Goat and Nonsense Unicorn present… The Awesome Person's Guide to Life


Leave a comment

11 Reasons It’s Way Better To Be Single During the Holidays

Love this 😀

Single Girl Blogging

bridget jones christmas

It’s the most wonderful time of the year. Haha, not really.

By now it’s pretty much common knowledge that depression and the holidays go together like Ambien and vehicular manslaughter. And we single peeps really love to amp up the melodrama during this time.

Last week I went to a holiday party composed of a bunch of singles. We collectively sang the karaoke version of “All By Myself” with so much rigor the cops came round saying they’d received calls from neighbors swearing William Hung was being bludgeoned in the apartment.

But I’m telling you, being single during the holidays IS NOT THAT BAD. It’s actually kinda awesome in a lot of respects. I’m not just blowing sunshine up your ass.

A couple years ago I was dating a guy and had the WORST holiday. I spent $650 on a plane ticket to spend time with his family of chain-smoking, Fox News-addicted, coke-fiending Cro-Magnons and my…

View original post 1,594 more words

Advertisements


4 Comments

Fetishes I’m not cool with

image

Everyone has hard limits – things you’re not cool with and absolutely do not feel the urge to entertain.
image

Most people on fetlife have a list of fetishes but only some have written a list of no-no’s. I guess I’ve never really written a list but seeing as I don’t think mine will be *too* long, let me attempt one.

Fetishes I’m not cool with:
*Underage – no.
*Animals – again, no.
*Piss, shit or vomit – nooooope. That is all.
*Feet – don’t touch mine, I’m not touching yours and let’s never speak of it again.
*Ears – the closer you get to them, the further away I will squirm.
*Being licked all over my body – a little bit of licking, sure, but not both arms, legs, stomach, face etc in one sitting. This happened to me once and I felt like a sticky lollipop that then dried with a crusty layer of saliva on me. So uhhhh please no more!
*Anything involving high amounts of saliva and the smell of spit – totally related to the dot point above, but also rules out people with super sloppy kisses and spitting on me.
*Sweat and uncleanness – just have a shower please.. And while you’re there, scrub the shit out of your sweaty gouch. Thanks!
*Hair – act primal, sure, but don’t go all out please.. I’m not into pubes, back hair or on women, underarm and leg hair.
image

Everything else (unless I’ve missed one), I’m happy to report that I’m open to. Bring it on life! 😀
image

Rambling Goat


6 Comments

Nonsense Review: Pinterest

I discovered pinterest a few years ago and like many others was in disbelief over this new thing called “DIY”. Everything seemed so easy! And fun! And cheap! I found a local furniture auction place and felt like I’d hit a gold mine. So many awesome old bits of furniture that I could do up! Huzzah!

But pinterest didn’t tell me – and others – the most important thing here. It’s a shitload harder than it looks and everything always takes longer than what people say. Oh and stuff is almost guaranteed to go wrong.

image

Anyway one day I was feeling confident and enthusiastic so decided to make a string pendant light for my bathroom. You can buy these in the shops for hundreds of dollars or you can use 4 items and create it yourself for like $20.
image

So the steps sound easy:
1. Blow up balloon.
2. Dip ball of string in kids craft glue then wrap around balloon.
3. Hang to dry.
4. Pop balloon, cut hole at one end to remove balloon and put in a light fitting.
5. Hang!

I had a problem at every single step.
1. The balloon kept blowing up into an egg shape. I had to push in one end and duct tape it to turn it into a round shape.
2. Well I’m glad I did this in the shower because holy cow, glue went everywhere. My hands were covered and it had flicked everywhere in the shower, including in my hair. Also, it was super difficult to get started because it was so slippery and the string kept sliding all over the balloon.
3. DO NOT HANG IT IN THE SUN. My bad. The bloody balloon popped. Lucky it had dried first so the string was a bit warped, but fine – I was able to push it back into shape. The worst bit was the shreds of melted ripped balloon that were still stuck to the glue.
image

4. Well you can’t just leave cut bits of string flapping in the breeze and then magically float a cord in there. Well at least not with the cord i bought.. I had to make this whole finished metal edge and support for the cord.

5. Well it only fell down twice.. But once was in front of the electrician who was in there doing other work. He showed me how to hang it so the cord pinched the metal to keep it together. Yay but FML. I had literally just been pointing it out and being all proud of my work.

What have I learnt? The ease shown on Pinterest is not reality. So please, people on Pinterest – be honest. Tell me that I’m going to have to wash my hair because glue will fly in it and look like jizz. Tell me that melted balloon pieces are hard to pull off dried glue. Tell me that you failed at some seemingly easy task just like I did (although to be fair, it did end up looking awesome when the drama subsided).
image

Of course I’m not the only one who turned this simple task into a circus. So here to make myself (and others) feel better, enjoy these awesome fails:

Art & Craft

image

image

Cooking

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

There’s a lesson to be learnt here kids – nothing is ever as easy as you think it is and everything takes longer than you think it will. Don’t let this stop you from trying though, if it goes pear shaped you can always have a laugh about it 😉

Rambling Goat