Turning Lamebos Into Rainbows

Rambling Goat and Nonsense Unicorn present… The Awesome Person's Guide to Life

Life as a people phobe

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Social anxiety (or what I prefer to call “hermit hoboness”) is a pickle of a dickle to live with. It’s this thing that looms over you and squelches your heart into palpitations when faced with the prospect of *gasp* interacting with humans.

Let me give you a low down on the things that are normal for most but are sucky or terrify me.

Phone calls bring pain

I hate talking to people on the phone. It’s painful. The stress of not being able to hear them, or understand Them, or talk to someone I don’t know. Ergh.

Every ring gives me a heart attack and I battle to decide whether to answer the phone or not.

Hence why my phone is always on silent.  Or I just leave it upstairs – out of sight out of mind.

The dreaded greeting hug

What is with everyone and their need to physically touch me?

Can’t a wave suffice? Thumbs up perhaps?

The worst is when it’s a hug kiss combo. Why not through acid in my eyes too?!?

HUGS ARE MY KRYPTONITE DONT TOUCH ME.

Friends scare me

You would think that you should feel comfortable around your friends and be yourself, yeah? Not for me. Even with the best of friends, I still get incredibly apprehensive meeting them and hanging out.

Even having a good time makes my face ache.

Meeting new people is torture

Why not just lock me up in an iron maiden covered in my own feces instead?

Meeting people turns me into a deer in headlights – I just freeze and want to die. We met some blogger friends who can probably attest to me being as exciting as a limp lemur on morphine. Can’t. Deal. With. Newness. Ugh.

Not to mention having to remember new names, and then you forget their name and then you die.

New people + the greeting hug = certain death

Pretty sure murder is evil, soooo….. if you haven’t known me for 28 years then don’t touch me or you will have a spontaneously combusted corpse to clean off your shoes.

Everybody hates me

Because the situation is so stressful, you overthink every single thing and come to the conclusion that you suck and everybody hates you and WHY DID YOU COME OUT OF YOUR CAVE?

Omg you said something and no one responded – THEY THINK YOU SUCK.

Does that chick have dirt in her eye? NOPE SHE HATES YOU YOU CREEPY FUCKER.

It’s near impossible to just chillax and not be thinking about every single move you make so that you don’t implode and die.

…………aaaaaand I just got turkey slapped.

Okay.

Lost my spot now – so YEAH there’s an insight into the world of social anxiety.  So next time you judge someone for being quiet, or boring, or creepy, just take a moment to think about what kind of internal battle may be going on.

Nonsense Unicorn

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Author: nonsenseunicorn

Just another twenty-something year old making sense out of madness. Boom.

9 thoughts on “Life as a people phobe

  1. Have you found any coping mechanisms that have helped you in social situations?

  2. Mine is a more mild form but HUGSSS to you as this sucks for those of us who suffer from it!

  3. Naaawww that’s why you’re avoiding me? 😦
    Well you can avoid me all you want but I’m not going anywhere *waves from a comfortable 10 metres away* 🙂

    Ps. Totally with you on the phone call issue! The phone rings and I have a mini heart attack and then stare at my phone to try and make it spontaneously combust. Alas, it never works.

    • I’m not avoiding you, I’m avoiding life! I’m not talking to anyone lately – I’m hibernating and trying to make a new shell 😁

      • Well its the first day of spring! So when you wake from your hibernation slumber, finish growing your shell and want to drink a cocktail with a swizzle stick and an umbrella in it and laugh about nonsense, give me a call (or more appropriately, a message)!

        I’m thinking just you and me, onesies, xbox or boardgames, homemade cocktails and a pizza.

  4. I really feel you, new people who want to hug just freak me out

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