Turning Lamebos Into Rainbows

Rambling Goat and Nonsense Unicorn present… The Awesome Person's Guide to Life


Parent Sex

I never grew up thinking my existence began with a stork kidnapping me from a cabbage patch and shoving me in my parent’s letter box.  I remember always being a somewhat rational and realistic child. I don’t ever recall getting “the talk” either, and I think it is due to the unfortunate placement of my bedroom next to that of my parents.

If only…. oh, if only…

Through the bangs and groans and slaps and ooohs pounding through the walls and into my fragile ear drums,  I learnt at a very young age that *gasp* my parents had sex. And it angered and disgusted me.  I would lie awake at night, exhausted already because falling asleep was always an arduous task anyway, blocking my ears and yelling shut the hellll upppp to no avail.

Through this, I believe a deep subconscious disdain for the sexual world began brewing in my soul.

Yeah I’m an adult now, but fuck the excuse it’s what adults do when they love each other and other bull crap to create an excuse for it.  Well, no, you were just not giving a shit about how your children will react or think about it.  It scars the fuck out of your soul.  I didn’t realise how much this has pissed me off until it randomly came up during couples counselling the other day when the psych was asking about attitudes towards sex growing up.  Years and years later, and thinking about it still makes my body react and want to vomit.

So now I’m blaming their sex for my non-existent libido and invisible wall inside me that doesn’t let me release my full sexual potential.  Yes parents,  my sexual disfunction is your loud and moaning fault.

Moral of the Story: if you’re going to roast the broomstick, have the courtesy to make sure that your children are 150% oblivious to it, or you can be royally soiling their mind.

Nonsense Unicorn



Couples Counselling

I used to think couples counselling was lame and futile. Like a sign that you’re just prolonging the inevitable break up. I used to think that if I ever got to that point in a relationship that it’s time to go Hans Solo. You’re done. Quit trying to fool yourself and let go.

But I guess that was before I found someone that is truly worth fighting for. Someone worth making that extra effort and rather than butt heads like stubborn Rams and throw my hands up in the air, I am willing to do something drastic to invest in my relationship.

Invest in my relationship to make it better.

Because a relationship, like anything in our lives, takes work and time and effort. We easily put additional effort into our careers, friendships, qualifications, and even ourselves by going to therapy or massages or even reading a book. Like any of these aspects in our lives, relationships deserve an investment too.

Some like to think that if there’s love then it will all just work out, and if it’s not working out than its not meant to be. Relationships don’t just happen. Okay maybe for some people they do, but if you’re having a few struggles with communication or something else then that’s okay – it is still okay to get outside help.

Because to me, a true relationship is two individuals making a bond with each other. And like any individual who thinks and sees things their own way, sometimes you are bound to clash with someone else – be it romantic partner, friend or parent.

Shit happens sometimes. Bad periods happen sometimes. It is life. And it is okay to get help.

Nonsense unicorn


What constitutes a date?

There seems to be this awkward grey area when:
A) you’re not exclusive with someone or are single
B) start talking to people on a non-dating website
C) want to meet the person you’ve been talking to.

If it was a dating website then yes, fair enough, you go on a date. But if you’ve started communicating through social media (Facebook/Fetlife/LinkedIn/Instagram/Twitter), it’s not entirely obvious.

Is it a date? Are you just friends? Are you thinking you’re just friends and they think it’s a date? I’ve noticed that no one is blunt about it. And I’m probably adding to the confusion because I’m not blunt either..

In my defense though, I’m not actively seeking anyone and I like meeting interesting and fun people. So yes, it could eventuate to play or dating but how do I know before I meet the person?! We might just hit it off as friends and keep it at that. Friends just ‘hang out’ don’t they?

And it’s not just online interactions that have me stumped, no no, it happens in the good ol real world too. A workmate today was talking about a restaurant that sounded awesome. I said “oh wow, I want to go there!” and he responded with “we should go!”. Insert awkward pause. I’m thinking ‘did he just insinuate he wanted to take me on a date there?!’

I assume he was thinking one of these options;
1. ‘Oh god, that sounded whheeeeyyyy too much like I wanted to take her on a date..’
2. ‘Yes! Totally asked her out and it sounded so casual. Damn I’m smooth.’
3. ‘Did I just miss something there? She’s not responding and looking at me strangely.’

Maybe “we” meant ‘you, me and a bunch of other people’?

Ugh. Humans are so confusing. Wise folk out there please enlighten me – what constitutes a date? Dinner at a fancy restaurant for a first ‘meeting’ is most likely a date, but activities like having a coffee or having a couple of drinks could be a friend ‘hangout’ OR a date. Can you have a date with a friend??

Rambling Goat


Just a little update.

I’ve got a few loose ends floating around and I havent updated you guys so I guess I’ll summarise them (in case anyone was wondering?). They’re all interrelated so my attempt at categorising things may not go so well, bear with me!

The Hulk and I are no more. We knew it had ended but neither one of us wanted to call it that. His brother has moved overseas and I now have the brother’s room so I have my own space. It’s making things a little easier and I feel like I have some privacy back. At the moment I only see Hulky for 2 hours on weekdays.

In saying that, we’re on good terms and apart from a bit of awkwardness occasionally, there’s no issues. I still love the guy but it was a bit of a runaway train since I got feelings for DD and decided I wanted a full poly relationship. Couples counselling helped but could only go so far. Ultimately, we have different relationship styles and compromise doesn’t equal a happy life for either of us. We both deserve happiness in life and I guess I just got to my time limit of optimism. In truth, he ran out of time before I did and we now seem to get along much better as ‘friends and housemates who love eachother’ than ‘partners’.

He brought a girl home one night and then had to explain to his mum that he and I were done. We still haven’t told his nan and she keeps bringing up conversations about us buying a house together. I think she’s smarter than she lets on and is just poking and prodding until one of us snaps and tells her what’s going on. It’s not going to be me! The other confusing aspect here is that although we’re not *sleeping together* anymore, we are sleeping together in the same bed. I just find it easier to wake up early in his room..

I’m not willing to move forward with DD and/or others until I move out so I’m floating in this strange relationship zone right now.

I got the new job that I risked a job offer for. I actually used to work at this organisation and a lot of staff members (50-60%) are still the same. I’ve lost count at the amount of hugs from the old staff members I’ve received since I’ve been back. They really are the greatest bunch of people, I missed them like crazy.

There’s an issue though – I’m only employed as a temp. And while the other temps were extended to 6 month contracts, I came after that and am on a crazy ‘2 weeks at a time’ contract.

There’s been a big restructure and I’ll be able to apply for a permanent position in the next few months but until then I don’t have much job security. That and it’s going external so I may not even get a permanent position.

Living Arrangements
Like I said, I’ve been living in the spare room in my [now] ex’s family home. With the new job I’m having to spend 4 hours travelling each day and im working a 42.5 hr week so to put it in perspective, I’m away from home for 14 hrs a day. I’m looking to move closer to work but with 2 dogs and a temp job it’s pretty difficult to get my applications accepted it seems.

DD took me out in his fancy new car ($$$$!!!) to inspections last weekend and asked all the proper questions to the agent while I wandered around inside. He’s even told me he’ll pay the bond so I can move in straight away. I can move into his house (and even into the second bedroom if I want) but I just don’t know if it’ll ruin everything for us. There seems to be this change when you move in with someone – you get too comfortable. I don’t want to wear sloppy pj’s yet. Hopefully I’ll find something soon, get some independence/freedom/privacy back and everything will all just fall into place!!

Rambling Goat


I Don’t Get It

I see things. Things, either on the Internet or the real world, I just don’t understand. And moreover don’t really want to understand, because most of the times these things are rife with stupidity.

Let me share some of the things that make me glaze over and think I don’t get it.


Eating someone else’s lunch 

This tends to appear a lot on my Facebook feed. Why would you do that? Why?! Maybe stealing a lolly, but stealing a whole sandwich from a fridge?!

Picket protests

I saw something where some anti-gay religious faction was Picketing at some gay pride parade at some place.

Do they really think it’s going to work? Like, some gay people are going to read “God hates gays” on their picket and suddenly think “holy crap! I better change my whole genetic structure stat! Thank you for enlightening me, you bigot!”


People who take Current Affair shows as real news.

Google: sensationalism.

End of story. 

Tony Abbott as Prime Minister

Just because this is probably as political as I’m gonna get!

Hipster photographers using film instead of digital

Because, like, digital is too mainstream and film is raw like my soul.


What do you just don’t get?
Nonsense unicorn