1. Shower gel tastes like a donkeys nutsack. Or bicarb soda. And it hangs in the back of your throat. I feel so unco right now.
2. [Following on from the last thought] There is no feasible way to spit in a sexy fashion. And apparently I’ve seen the ‘sexy’ way thanks to a guy off fetlife with a saliva fetish who showed me a video. It wasn’t sexy. Can’t be done. Trust me, I literally just tried.
3. [Following on from last thought] Thank god this shower doesn’t have a full length mirror as one wall. I’m not sure if that even exists but if it doesn’t then I totally just invented that shit. And no, I don’t want one. I don’t need to watch myself trying to spit sexily and I don’t want to watch the shitty shower sex I had last night – it was a poke-poke-spooge incident in bf’s nan’s shower. It was as awkward, rushed and incredibly un-sexy as it sounds.
4. [Following on from last thought] I wouldn’t mind some great sex sometime soon. Really.
5. [Following on from last thought] I wonder if Glam is coming out with us tonight. God dammit I’ve been in the shower for like 15 mins already and now I have to shave just in case she somehow wants sex all of a sudden. Last night she ran in to my room, jumped on me and cuddled me but for someone who admitted “I always have to lead”, she’s doing a good job of confusing this self confessed Captain Oblivious. Or maybe I’m Captain Lazy mixed with Captain Hopeful. Meh, for the record folks, I shaved.
Wise lesson: it’s better to be looking maintained and not having sex than having sex and freaking out that you look like a wildebeest.
Ok on closer inspection with this hoof-pooping example, they’re not all that hairy.
But then again, neither am I. It’s more the unintentional exfoliation my spikes could cause that’s the issue.
6. [Following on from last thought] I think this other girl I have a sly crush on has a full bush. I’ll name her Hippy for obvious reasons and because of this hippiness, I’m scared she does it full force, so to speak. It’s a gamble. If you’re not yet aware, I’m pretty sure I’ve got a phobia of pubes.
Ahhh what a nice relaxing shower.