I’m not living in the most ideal environment for rainbows. There are a lot of stressful and frustrating situations on a daily basis that I can’t escape from. I have no moment where I can sit and chill out without being disturbed. Well, except the bathroom, but even then I get the cold water treatment if I’ve been in the shower too long (bfs nan + tank water, pretty self explanatory..).
Anyway, I’ve been getting depressive symptoms again. And this is going to sound strange but I’m actually happy I’ve had full blown depression before because now I can recognise symptoms and try to stop/minimize it’s growth. I imagine if I didn’t have experience with it, I would be pretty confused with my emotions and crazy thoughts right now. It’s a scary place.
Yes, everyone’s different, depression sufferers have different levels and variations on their disease and everyone deals with things in different ways. I’m lucky this time that my symptoms aren’t every day and it’s not too bad, I can still laugh at myself and socialise if need be. I know tomorrow will be better if today is a write off.
Today is just one of those depression poo brain days though so I’m going to look at some lamebos and try to turn them into rainbows..
1. Everything seems like such a massive effort; getting out of bed, cooking toast, getting dressed, communicating with people etc.
Little things are still an achievement, so we should be proud! Moving from the bed to the armchair, woo! Making breakfast, Huzzah! Had a chat with someone about some shitty whatever that you give zero fucks about, yayyy! You might feel like you’re doing nothing but you’re totally doing stuff.
2. We wonder why the fuck people (in specific, ourselves) need to get dressed. You know you’re not going anywhere and PJ’s and day time clothes are still all ‘clothes’ so what gives? What’s the point?
In the big scheme of things, yes, getting dressed is pointless, so just get half dressed! You still feel the comfort and coziness from bed but are prepared for unexpected visitors. Plus you can count this ‘half-dressing’ as an achievement!
So eg. I change into jeans/shorts on the bottom half and keep the top half the same; No bra, comfy singlet and/or loose fitting jumper that I wore to bed (I’m an ice block through winter). I look like a grub but who cares? I could totally wear this to go to the letterbox and not get stares.
Sleep nekkid? Girls, you’ve probably got a comfy dress that can handle no underwear. Summer dress? Maxi? Make friends with it! You can add underwear or get changed later, for now you just need secret comfort.
Guys, chuck on some shorts and you’re deemed acceptable. Have a loose comfy shirt or singlet handy in case you’re ready for the next step later – dressing your second half.
3. Food. Some eat lots, some eat hardly anything and some eat strange things. I’m the hardly anything/strange combo. Some poo-brain days I don’t eat until 3pm, then a small dinner. Other days I want a 2 day old reheated cheeseburger with a glass of green cordial for breakfast.
Hmmm.. I mean none of those options are exactly healthy but it could be worse..? I’ve seen my dog eating a meaty bone with maggots in it.
Ok I could definitely do more but once again my dog has rolled all over a dead animal so I’m going to have to go and bath him. And yeah, I’m going to count it as an achievement. Boom.