So I guess I should update you guys.
I moved back in with bf and his family and it’s been crazy. There’s 7 people living here and another 6 that visit regularly (weekdays/nights). The bf’s siblings have even more over on weekends. So basically I don’t have privacy and everything smells like weed and cigarettes (not from me, but apparently last night I contributed “booze smell”).
The only quiet time I have is mornings before the oldies start wandering around and talking painting with me. The boys start arriving home after lunch and then it’s busy until I pass out while they’re all in my room watching TV.
Like I said, I’m not working. I wanted a break from the craziness that was house renovations 7 days a week. The more that people ask when I’m getting a job, the less I want to apply for one. The pressure is creating the opposite effect.
But on a plus side, different members of the household have asked me to do things and have paid me for it, so I’ve been painting for the past week for cash. I have plenty more painting to go and a car to wash, so I feel no real desire to look for jobs yet. Mehhhhh to that.
Well bf and I are fine relationship wise. He shares a joint with the boys most nights which is not a lot in the scheme of things, but it’s enough to affect his abilities in the sack. On the plus side, it’s giving me an opportunity to do more – I really truly suck on top, so I’m getting some good practice in 😀 But still, one of the times it felt like I was humping a lifeless sex doll.
Combine that with the fact that he works a long day, goes to the gym everyday, cooks some nights and then there’s people in our ‘mancave’ bedroom till 9-10 pm most nights and hey presto, my massive libido is actually dying. SO different from my last post.
Apparently there’s some thing called ‘bub night’ that I can ask for where I get private time with bf for the night. They’ve only just informed me and I’ve been back for over a week. Sooo we’re having a bub night tonight. And we’re going to move into a rental place once we save up for the bond YAYYY PRIVACY!!
Bf’s brother just got a job at the same company as DD so he got home from work and told me he saw him. I decided right then and there I needed to get drunk. Wasted in fact. Bf doesn’t like me talking to DD so I’ve stopped communication with him. I miss him 😦 I still have very fond memories and strong feelings for him but I have to keep it to myself, it’s a fucking huge Lamebo.
Very strong Bacardi and cokes were my rainbows for the night, but this morning I realise it didn’t solve the problem. The only two things that can truly eliminate this Lamebo is:
a) breaking up with bf (which would just create another Lamebo because I love the shit out of him) or
b) time. He said it himself last night “I veto’d dd but in the future I most likely will un-veto him”.
When I was drunk and the boys were stoned, we spoke about DD and it even came out that bf went on a date. Instead of us all discussing poly in a mature fashion (ha!), bf took some backward steps into the safe monogamous zone and then claimed that I made him go on the date. I didn’t know her, I’ve never spoken to her and I didn’t organise any of it! Yes I wanted him to explore meeting up with and possibly dating other women but I never *made* him do anything.
Mehhhh. I just hope in the future that poly is accepted as normal so people don’t have a fear of judgement.
I’m really disappointed that bf couldn’t just say ‘yeah I had a date, there were no sparks. I tried to meet up with her another time for play but she stuffed me around with availability so I got over it real quick and moved on’. That’s the truth. If they were all openminded, I’m sure he would have been more open and less accusatory and it could have been an open discussion rather than a RG is so cray-cray moment. Oh well, fuck it, I am always myself openly and honestly. I’m good at being me, I wouldn’t want to be anyone else 🙂 Judge me and watch me not give a shit.
I know the boys love me and it’s not that they were mean to me but the closed minded “you’re supposed to only be with one person” comments just made bf slink away into his safe zone. I’m happy that they know a bit more of our story (albeit a skewed version) but trying to explain why is wayyyy too much effort.
Nek minut, I’m eating maccas and drunk texting nonsense to people (sorry Jake!) Hahaha. I then passed out and dreamt of DD awww ❤
Ps. I’m soooo reheating lasagne for breakfast 😀