Turning Lamebos Into Rainbows

Rambling Goat and Nonsense Unicorn present… The Awesome Person's Guide to Life

How I got from Mono to Poly

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Maggie (from A Question of Lust – check her out!) asked how all this came about. Instead of doing a long comment reply, I thought I’d just tell you all how I got to the point I’m at now.

I was monogamous. I’d had bfs. One guy in particular was staying up late at night talking to girls (he was a muso and he had ‘fans’ on his MySpace page) and they were even msging his phone. I really thought if he hadn’t already cheated that he probably would in the future. I thought he was a douche (and consequently dumped him over that and many other reasons) but started noticing this little jealousy streak of mine. I guess I just didn’t trust what he said.

In the beginning with The Hulk, he had a female friend. They’d travelled overseas together, grew up together, we’re close friends. He had another girl friend but this one girl bugged me for some reason. It probably didn’t help that she wasn’t overly friendly..
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I was jealous. I told him. He said I was crazy, there was no need to be. Their friendship was going downhill anyway so they ended up hardly talking. I feel bad about it now and have said so but he ensures me it wasn’t my fault. Phew!

But I guess the point with both those examples was that I wasn’t comfortable with my bf giving attention to other girls. I wasn’t just ‘cool with it’ from the beginning! 😛

The Hulk and I dated for 2-3 years when I realised I was attracted to a girl friend of his brothers. And she was to me. I’d known her right from the beginning and when I first met her I asked her “have we met before? You seem really familiar..”.

Sidenote: I think there’s something in that. Maybe we’re *meant* to meet certain people in life and to ensure it, they just seem instantly familiar or comfortable to us. Bf and I had these same feelings about each other when we first started chatting.. That or I’m making something out of nothing? :/

Anyway, I told him completely honestly that I had feelings for her and that I was worried – if I was going to be with him forever I’d never get to explore these feelings. I’d kissed plenty of girls and appreciated that they were pretty but never LIKED any or slept with any. I knew I didnt want to break up with him but I also didnt want to miss out on the girl side of things.

I stumbled across the word ‘polyamory’ and did research. I couldn’t seem to find much info about it (nowadays theres TONS of great info) but figured it was out there and doable so that gave me a bit of confidence. I knew I loved him and liked her more than just friendship, so I was already seeing it in action!

His response “I don’t want to hold you back, explore your feelings with her”. So I did 🙂 we went on dates, had some hilarious awkward and terrible sex and it was fun.
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It was hard because her sister and flatmates, bfs friends and most of bfs family (who I was living with at the time) didn’t know. Add into that scenario that she had only slept with one other girl and I had nfi about dating or sleeping with girls. I felt like a school kid making up stories and sneaking around. I felt awkward holding her hand and if people stared at us I got embarassed.

Bf was really supportive and encouraging. He would say “how was your date girls?” and we’d giggle and say “gooood” in unison. NU even hung out with us a few times 🙂

The girl ended up asking me to break up with bf so I could be with her fully (looking back now I should really have spent more time with her and messaged her more). I said no. I guess this showed bf I wasn’t going to leave him for a girl. Oh well, that didn’t end things. It ended when I moved for a job opportunity (where I am now). I lost both of them.

Thankfully The Hulk has come back and we’re doing long distance now, but last I heard of the gf, she had a bf and had moved interstate with him. I’d send ‘how are you?’ msgs occasionally but she stopped replying, I guess she was busy with her new romance. Anyway being poly with a girl was tried and tested and had worked in our relationship.

I’d slept with other guys in the time we’d been split up but after getting back together with bf I realised I had feelings for one of them, a long time friend and both my and bfs ex boss – DD. I’d explored this older men idea for the sake of a blog post here but actually loved it. I also realised through wordpress that we had a dd/lg dynamic (explains his ‘name’).

But bf wasn’t so pleased with this one (because it was a guy). He swapped and changed his mind which can be seen in these posts:
#1
#2
#3

Somewhere along the way I told him my cuckquean feelings and we had been getting progressively kinkier so he decided to get on fetlife to learn more.
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He got chatting to girls (which we both loved) and yesterday he went on his first date 😀

So it’s been a long and winding path to get here but I’m happy! I feel comfortable with where we’re at 🙂 There’s plenty more to go – more momentous occasions, more emotions to feel and more discussions to have, but we’re getting there slowly but surely 🙂

In regards to what I want (part of the original question Maggie asked), my ultimate would be to have bf, dd back as a partner and a gf/female playmate.
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I’d love bf to have a gf and/or fwb. And I guess it’d be a bonus if his gf/fwb was/were ok with cuckquean scenes. It’s not exactly like I’d feel the need to sit and watch them have sex everytime (I’m not actually a voyeur) but having designated cuckolding playtimes occasionally would be nice 🙂

Really though, him finding a nice partner is higher on the priority list than us finding someone for cuckolding scenes. So I’m giving him his distance with this dating thing and letting him just enjoy it for what it is.
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So all together in my mind it looks like this:

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Haha well not Friends characters but there is truly no good poly pics out there that suit!

Through all this though, I have to go at bfs pace. I’m the excitable hare with the radical ideas and he’s the tortoise going along slow and steady. I hear through the grapevine that the tortoise wins so slow it is! Hehe 🙂
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I guess I should note here that we’re all different – we all have different interests and different ways we want to live our life. I’m happy to give out my story in the hope that it’ll raise awareness of diversity and also because lets face it, us bloggers love to spill the beans 😛

RamblingGoat

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Author: ramblingg0at

Life loves to set me up for its own entertainment. But instead of me hiding these awkward moments, I plan on sharing them for my own (and possibly your) amusement. Now who's laughing, life?

4 thoughts on “How I got from Mono to Poly

  1. I love this post because at the end of the day, poly is really about communication and being in tune with not only your feelings but those that you care about. It’s also about baby steps sometimes. You don’t have to jump in the deep end, but you can slowly wade into the poly waters as comfort levels and trust increase. Thanks for sharing — you are awesome!

    • No problems sunshine, I don’t really think about sharing stuff until it comes up in conversation so thanks for asking 😀

      And yes, it only works with honesty, really good communication, determination/persistence, trust and that old friend ‘compromise’. Oh and love helps 😉 haha. Successful monogamous relationships carry these components too, so the structure itself is not so different.

      “You don’t have to jump in the deep end, but you can slowly wade into the poly waters as comfort levels and trust increase” <- exactly! If people want to try poly, it's not this unachievable magical enigma. It's there and it's being done by everyday people more than you realise. Unfortunately it's still pretty taboo, so people stay quiet about it.

      Like anything in life – do what interests you and makes you smile. Don't hold yourself back from things in life because you think it's not possible, it's totally possible if you put a bit of effort in 🙂

      I've realised through this post that it shouldn't be 'us' (poly) and 'them' (mono) mentality, it's more of a sliding scale of comfort. I guess that's the problem with labels vs. scales – people tend to say a blatant yes or no rather than finding out what parts they're interested in and what parts they aren't. So thanks Maggie, you've helped me open my mind a bit more too! 🙂

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