I wasn’t going to bother writing about Valentines, but I remembered what happened last year, was having a chuckle and decided to inform you that this Valentine Lamebo did it a bit better this year. Ohh yeah!
So this year I’m no longer single seeing as I’m back dating The Hulk. He lives in a separate building on the farm to his family but close enough to not have proper privacy so we got a hotel room while I was down visiting (long distance relationship). I might add here a big ol ‘fuck you’ to romantic couples because all the hotel rooms were booked out like 2 weeks before Valentines! So we paid more than what we wanted to. On the plus side, we got upgraded and basically had an apartment. Cheapskate RG isn’t used to fancy hotel rooms!
Anyway, he had bought me a bodystocking (my new favourite lingerie, look it up if you aren’t acquainted!) and I had ordered a faux fox tail and ears. Yep, I was going to try out pet play (dressing as and acting like an animal) and I’d decided I would be a red fox to match my hair tehee! 🙂
We’d had a sleep in, lunch, then the afternoon was free to do as we please before going to dinner with NU and friends. I dressed up in my fox gear and looked the part, he took some photos and then… The classic awkward RG appeared.
First problem – how do I act like a fox?!
So I probably should have researched this a whole lot rather than turning up and assuming I knew how to be a fox. I live in a rural area and we’ve had foxes here before but all I know about them is they have the worst stench known to man, and they’re cocky as shit until a dog chases them (I have a fox terrier, turns out they hate foxes). So basically I had it in the bag 😉
No but really, kitty role players purr, pup role players bark, but could I even fathom what noise a fox makes? No. So I just crawled around on the floor like a tard.
Second problem – turns out ‘having a buttplug tail in’ and ‘crawling’ don’t seem to be friends. There was so much butt clenching! On the plus side though, my butt was getting exercise 😛
Bf loved it though and I have to admit, it was fun and sexy. And yes – you can have sex with it in. I made sure it was fully wired so it could be bent up and out the way. Although at one point it just dropped out but that didn’t stop us hehe 🙂 I’ve now realised the importance of butt plug shape for longevity, a big leap from last year’s knowledge (or lack thereof) of buttplugs.
So bf had surprised me with a thoughtful gift earlier in the day – a dress. Obviously he was sick of me wearing jeans everywhere and wanted me to dress up but instead of getting some boring girly dress, he got me one with unicorns and skulls on it 😀 and it fit like a dream! Apparently it was a little hard to work out sizes and the lady working in the shop helped the poor struggling man out of his depth.
We ended up at a pub that was handing out stickers for a traffic light night (red if you’re taken, green if you’re single, and yellow for anything in between). We were pretty tipsy at this point and happened to all walk in at different moments (some went to the bathroom at the restaurant, others were smoking before they went in to the pub). I chose red, saw bf walk in with a yellow sticker and wondered why the hell I chosen red. I guess I’ll blame the beer tower. Or maybe I just didn’t feel like conversing with others at that point.
NU walked in with a green sticker and our single friend had a red. They’d just started sticking them on people without asking. We all did swaps, got more drunk and then I somehow ended up in the situation where bfs brother was spanking me bent over the table haha! He spanked hard too! Shishkebab! It was awesome though 😀
Ended up back at our hotel room with 2 friends in tow, drank more, then after hearing them banging in the bathroom we folded out the couch for them and snuck off to bed.
So I may not be the traditional type when it comes to Valentines but I’ve realised we can just celebrate it the way we want – with a fake tail popping out of our butts, wearing a dress covered in unicorns, hanging with a bunch of friends, a beer tower, your partners sibling spanking you in a public (vanilla) setting or overhearing your friends having sex. Candlelit dinners aren’t the be all end all.