In about an hour he’s going on a date and I couldn’t be more excited!
Ok it’s nothing fancy, he’s going to a pub after work for drinks with a girl from fetlife. He caught the train (so he can drink more than if he was driving) but apart from that I know nothing.
Its his first personal venture outside the world of monogamy and I don’t want to scare him by asking a bunch of questions and getting more details. So I’ve supported him through his nervous state and now he’s on his own.
To him, I seem as cool as a cucumber and am encouraging. But inside, this is happening..
You see, apart from being poly, I’ve also discovered I’m a cuckquean.
Basically I love seeing/hearing him:
*Talk to girls
*Flirt with girls
*Get cheeky photos from girls
*Meet up with girls
*Have sex with girls
I’m keen to hear and watch his sexy times with them too (only with their consent of course, I’m no peeping Tom!)
Sidenote: Some cuckqueans/cuckolds (male equivalent) like to be humiliated/degraded (ie. ‘The new girl is so much better than you’) but that’s not appealing to me.
So with all that in mind, if this were to happen:
Some girls might go ahead and react like this:
But I react like this:
For years he thought that my telling him he can sleep with and date who he wants was a ‘trap’ because he consulted his vanilla, monogamous friends who I guess didn’t understand that people like me legitimately exist.
But by going today I know he finally believes me and is comfortable enough to explore it. He’s testing the waters for the both of us.
So I’m trying (and failing) to calm down and not get too excited.. It’s just a big step for him, I’m so proud 😀
I’m just happy that he’s happy.
RamblingGoat
Turning Lamebos Into Rainbows 
March 5, 2015 at 2:47 pm
This is great news for you and I hope it all works out!!
March 5, 2015 at 3:11 pm
Hehe thanks ann! 5 years ago I wouldn’t have predicted this is where I’d be right now but I’m loving how life has turned out 😀
He just sent me a msg saying he feels like how he did 6 years ago right before our first ‘date’. He’s got butterflies in his tummy, it’s so cute 🙂
I wrote back that hes awesome and it’s nice that other girls get to see how awesome he is too.
I hope for his sake it all goes well and she’s lovely! And if not I told him I’m still here so it’s not a complete loss 😛
March 5, 2015 at 3:33 pm
you. are. amazing.
well jell!
March 5, 2015 at 3:38 pm
Hehe thanks as always sunshine! 😀
March 5, 2015 at 3:52 pm
if you ever, ever, ever leave him, promise you will come running to me?…. just think…. oh no wait – time to re-engage my famed gentlemanliness… 🙂
March 5, 2015 at 4:36 pm
Well I’m not planning to in the near future 😛
Apparently I’m his parasite hahaha! And he’s “like chocolate” on my clothes ie. hard to get rid of.
But hey, the whole point of poly is to let your partner date who they want without the need to break up. So the future is anyone’s guess Mr Butler! 😛
March 5, 2015 at 3:47 pm
A shame that people think you’re trying to “trap” him. Somehow I don’t get that manipulative vibe from you. Even being so open-mindededly honest is tricky if people just don’t accept it…
Still seems weird to me that a healthy heterosexual male isn’t more into having this kind of freedom, but to each their own.
Good luck!
March 6, 2015 at 7:30 am
Yeah you and I are lucky enough to have opened our mind to possibilities 🙂 But for those who have only ever known monogamy and think any other relationship structure as ‘weird’ or disfunctional then the only thing that can convince them is time. I’ve told everyone he’s got freedom for YEARS now haha. If it was a trap I wouldn’t have gone on this long with it 😛
In saying that, there’s only a few friends who know and/or he feels comfortable telling, so he’s worried about people not understanding. It sucks. On the flip side – all my friends know everything about me and if I think they’d judge me for it then they aren’t friends I want to have. I guess we work a little differently in that regard.
And yeah, all this time he’s been saying that I’m enough for him. He’s no player or sex hungry guy, he’s your classic rock. There was a girl friend of ours in an open relationship who helped convince him its feasible (and it helped that they got to be close friends and he was attracted to her sexually) but he’s finally felt comfortable enough to just try a random date out and he said he enjoyed it so that’s good!
March 5, 2015 at 10:52 pm
I am fascinated. OK, how long have you been dating/together before deciding to actively pursue a third thus creating a poly situation? How integrated into the relationship do you want her? I look forward to seeing this unfold. Congrats and good luck!!
March 6, 2015 at 7:56 pm
Ok Maggie, had to do a post to best describe it all. Here’s your answers (and wayyyy more haha my bad)!
https://turninglamebosintorainbows.wordpress.com/2015/03/06/how-i-got-from-mono-to-poly/
March 7, 2015 at 4:41 am
I’m commenting on the post about your answer, but here I want to say THANK YOU for all the info. I’m still fascinated, but more enlightened.
Pingback: How I got from Mono to Poly | Turning Lamebos Into Rainbows
Pingback: Getting drunk over DD | Turning Lamebos Into Rainbows
May 19, 2015 at 1:08 am
I just discovered the term cuckquean, it had never occurred to me that there was an inverted equivalent to cuckolding. Extremely interesting!
I see masochistic fetishes like this as the imprinted sexualization of anxiety/trauma. Do you have any memorable instances which you may think is the instance of trauma? How far back do you remember experiencing such fantasies, whether explicitly sexual or otherwise? How you found yourself with any internalized emotional attachment to the object of your fetishism? Has the fetish come to take up much of your everyday fantasies, or rather has it come to compete with your “normal” sexuality? Where as opposed to the explicit anxiety of being cheated on, much of the cuckold fetish is constituted in the wider masochistic emasculation fetish (one’s masculine & sexual inadequacy, crossdressing, especially in satisfying one’s girlfriend/wife), do you recognise a female equivalent to emasculation?
May 19, 2015 at 7:08 am
Wow it sounds like you’re researching this for a PhD.
I don’t see this as masochistic and I don’t categorise myself as a masochist. I’m not jealous or hurt, I’m proud and happy for him. It has nothing to do with trauma or being emasculated. I see it more as a male lion servicing his pack.
Dont get me wrong, he’s not a ‘player’ out there having sex with as many women as he can – he’s not actually all that interested in other women.
I’m poly, so I too want to play with others but the difference is he doesn’t want to know details. He cringes at the thought of me with other men so right now I’m not actually playing with or dating other men. Yet, I’m still happy for him to do his thing with others. I don’t understand the cringing and the jealousy, I encourage him to be with others as he seems more attractive to me when he’s got attention from other girls. Apparently it’s the opposite with me – he thinks I’m less attractive if I’m with other men.
I hope that’s helped a little. If you’re on fetlife, have a look at the group ‘cuckquean without humiliation’, it seems to be the one that resonates the most with me.
And just for the record, a random person asking someone they dont know from a grain of salt about their fantasies/fetishes/sexual habits is pretty forward. I’d suggest keeping the questions basic, on fetlife (ask questions within a group, not to an individual) and/or actually getting to know the person before sending a barrage of personal questions at them. You’re lucky I’m pretty open and honest but a hell of a lot of other people would be offended/uncomfortable by your personal questions.
May 19, 2015 at 8:58 am
Hello again
I genuinely didn’t expect I you to be taken aback by the questions, in that discussion over such fetishism has routinely in the past, been fascinating for all involved parties, as well as the factor of internet anonymity bringing an element of candidness. I apologise.
I’m having difficulty wrapping my head round how the fetish functions in any way other than masochistic. Here I again draw a parallel with the masochistic emasculation fetish, where there is a contingent of such fetishists, for which it seems paradoxical on the surface, where there is a struggle to reconcile fantasy themes lacking masochism. Because for the masochist, where the object of desire is itself of anxiety (imprinted sexualization of trauma), the condition for an object of anxiety to be recognised as being of anxiety, is dependant on contexts where the individual has come to be used to associating as being of anxiety, such as being laughed at. In these terms it can be said, that the difference between masochistic fetishists who identify as masochists and those who do not, is dependant of the preference for fantasy themes, where the object of anxiety either includes, or does not include “being laughed at”.
May 21, 2015 at 7:04 am
Awesome work at putting people into tiny little boxes to suit your assumptions on things that you don’t inherently understand.
May 21, 2015 at 3:20 pm
Hello. I myself have a masochistic fetish. It fascinates me and I enjoy theorising such fetishism. Any attempt to understand will affirm some boxes at the expense of others. I appears the proposed boxes aren’t of your liking, perhaps you could say why?
May 21, 2015 at 10:52 am
I’m legitimately not a masochist. And the only laughing around here is with me, not at me. Ok yes, I’m hearing what you say about *some* people but the thing with understanding fetishes is that there are no hard and fast ‘rules’.
I think you need to do some more research and/or be more open to variables if you are genuinely interesting in understanding cuckolding better. It’s definitely an interesting topic. I’ve told you a lot of my situation so I hope you can get away from the trauma/masochist agenda and see my situation as a legitimate possibility too.
Like I said earlier, reading up on ‘cuckqueans without humiliation’ on fetlife should help you see more examples/info.
May 21, 2015 at 3:39 pm
I gather you do not like the idea of being a masochist and see something of a masochist agenda afoot. In searching, I have found nothing matching the phrase “cuckqueans without humiliation”, yet it is besides the point. It being where something is arousing by virtue of it’s masochism, there is no requirement for it to be presented within the fantasy theme in terms that it can be recognised as being masochistic. It is here that the supposed non-masochistic enjoyment on the basis of something all but universally recognised as being masochistic, is problematized.