Turning Lamebos Into Rainbows

Rambling Goat and Nonsense Unicorn present… The Awesome Person's Guide to Life

Romance

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With Valentines Day coming up and the onslaught of lovey dovey posts, I got thinking – am I the only one (apart from NU) who thinks romance has gone too far?!
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I legit just heard a song with an old guy singing the words “Send me the pillow that you dream on”. The song before that had another old guy just talking to music (Its a radio station run by volunteers, plenty of wtf moments..) and he said “I just kissed a princess and became a king”.

I just don’t get it. I’ve had two separate guys play a guitar and sing me a love song and I found it soooo incredibly awkward each time. Sorry, I just don’t get it. I just spent the time staring like a deer in headlights and freaking out with all these thoughts of ‘oh god, what are you doing with your life RG?!’, ‘Do I have to tell him that was good? Because its pretty rubbish and I’m feeling awkward as hell.’ And ‘I wonder what’s for dinner? Dammit woman, focus on the words of the song or whatever you’re meant to be doing!’

Romance to me is different. Yes there was the time bf bought me flowers, chocolates, handpicked me flowers or the cards he’s written but I find certain moments that might not be normally seen as romantic, as romantic.
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I won’t be a bore and give you whole list but here’s a couple of examples:
* I was keen to try spanking, so one weekend away after a night of exploring the bare bum spank (harder = better, just sayin) we were sitting in the car. I told him that when he spanked me it made me grin. For whatever reason I was feeling a bit flat and asked if he could spank me right there. He looked around and in the rear vision mirror and said “what?! There’s people around!” I got out of the car and bent over in front of the door and after a small pause he smacked my arse from inside the car. I told him it wasn’t hard enough so he did two more, harder each time. I got back in the car giggling.
Its not a real raunchy story and it doesn’t sound very romantic but he did something that he didn’t really want to do just to make me happy (classic symptom of love LOL) and I thought it was sweet.

*A few years back I went to Europe on my own for 4 months with no flight booked home and $8000. Needless to say, I ran out of money (conveniently the day before bf arrived to see me for Xmas – 3 months in).
Anyway right before he came over, he booked my flight home. The flight had 3 stops. One of the stops was the middle of the night so we walked through a deserted airport while the plane refueled. I asked “What country is this?! Everything is written in strange symbols” he replies “Dunno?!”
As stupid as it sounds, this still makes me giggle and think its romantic. You see, he’d gone to a travel agent, booked the flight in such a hurry and got the cheapest one in order to afford both our flights, that he hadn’t spent any time any time studying the location of our stopovers. He had one mission – get us home. The stopovers were unimportant, he knew as little as me.
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So last night I was watching ‘If You Are The One’ (awesomely entertaining Chinese dating show) and the girls are all so judgemental when it comes to finding love. That and they seem to be more interested in money than love.
Guys if you think its hard dating, you should see the shit these girls say to Chinese guys. And apparently the Australian version cuts out the parts where they ask about wage and how much savings they have in the bank!

I’ve heard:
*(to the host when questioned) “He’s too fat.”
*”Hi. You say you’re trendy but.. What are you wearing?!”
*”You’re a farmer so I don’t think you’re wealthy.”
Real romantic!

Meanwhile, this guy rejected 2 interested girls for his “love at first sight” choice. After singing her a love song, spoiler alert, he got shut down. “You’re young and haven’t had hardships so I don’t think you can love someone properly.” He yells out as they’re ushering him off stage “What is your minimum age?”

Suffice to say, I haven’t learnt any romance tips from the show, although I’m finding some creepy pickup lines to use for my own amusement..
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More unusual lines from the show here.

I’m happy to stay where I am, lurking somewhere between the Valentines Day hype and punching you in the nuts and/or berating you for being poor.

Don’t be fooled by the chocolates, flowers and cards. That’s forced romance.
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Real romance is the little things that make us smile. According to whatever online dictionary I just used (sorry I’m now drunk at this point), it is the “expressive and pleasurable feeling from an emotional attraction towards another person associated with love.”

Sound nice, but I’m just not entirely sure I give off romantic vibes..
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I think I’ll send this pic to bf..
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So I’m pleading with you in advance, don’t be a lamebo – realise Valentines Day may very well be the one day a year when flowers and chocolates sell out (and restaurant seating and hotel rooms), but real romance happens everyday. Liiiiike… When bf says something jokingly mean, I tell him I’m going to shit on his pillow and we both laugh. And then I say “no seriously” and he does the shifty eyes.

Romantically yours,
Ha!
Rambling Goat

Ps. I’m not going to shit on his pillow. I can’t even shit with the door open. But I like to keep him guessing.. Ahh, romance! ❤

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Author: ramblingg0at

Life loves to set me up for its own entertainment. But instead of me hiding these awkward moments, I plan on sharing them for my own (and possibly your) amusement. Now who's laughing, life?

10 thoughts on “Romance

  1. You. Crack. Me. Up!

    • Haha thanks dear! I’m borderline insane (and currently drunk) – you do realise this right? 😉

      • Yes and no! It was the shitting on the pillow and shifty eyes bits that made me laugh longest & loudest. Who indeed said that romance is dead?!?! LOL

        • Yeah, I cant even think of anything to blame!
          It started with “I’ll fart on your pillow” (not much better), then moved to piss, then shit.

          The current one is “I feel sick, there’s a chance I might vomit on your face..”
          Pretty sure that started when he sent me photos of his feet though (I have a foot phobia), so I’m clearly the victim here!

          Oh well, he’s still around so I must be doing something right.. 😛

  2. True love is rare and so is romance. I’m stone cold sober.

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