All good things come to an end, apparently.
So bf veto’d DD.
I’ve been procrastinating this week instead of doing this post because I spoke to friends about it, moved on (honestly talking about it is my failsafe method for keeping my emotions and thoughts in check) and I didn’t really want to try and remember the nitty gritty of it.
Anyway, as you may or may not know, I have free time in a holiday once a year to sleep with other men. So I invited DD to come on my holiday. He’s poly so was more than happy to share me and even had some very kinky ideas of his own to add to the mix. One was cunnilingus while getting a tattoo from his friend, because I loooved the story he told me of his tattooist friend telling his gf to give DD a bj while he was being tattooed. Wow, sharing is caring. Yep I was keen. He even mentioned that the two of them were into swinging so we may have been able to play as a group too 😀
Anyway, I digress.. So he had fun ideas, I was excited to spend time with him (its my only chance to in the year), he would be looking after me in true DD fashion aaaaand… He was going to pay for my flight over. Apparently cheapskate RG mentioning that we’d probably have at least one stopover (if not more) was not exactly sitting on the same level to what DD is used to. So he told me to shush and that he’d pay my way over, on a fancy plane with no stops.
I wondered if I should mention that I only ever have enough money to stay in hostels and eat jam sandwiches. Nah.. I’d bring it up when we started booking accommodation. LOL.
Then alcohol went and ruined my plans. I had msgd bf earlier saying people were starting to cancel on the holiday but while drunk I decided to mention that DD was now coming and my plans weren’t ruined anymore. Yayyy! Well, it didn’t go down well. That was the straw that broke the camels back.
He was also drunk (it was never going to end well) and dumped me via msg. We joke about this all the time so sober I’d just brush it off and tell him not to be silly. But I was drunk. And my internet was stuffing up and my msgs weren’t going through so I sat in the dark and cried like an idiot.
We spoke the next morning, he of course ‘un-dumped’ me, and seeing as I was visiting him soon, we decided to leave it until we saw eachother in person.
So last weekend we saw eachother and spoke. He said “if DD had come along later into this discussion of being poly, I probably wouldn’t have cared, but its too early.” He also said “if you want to go on the holiday with DD then go, but I wont still be here.”
I can’t switch off my feelings for DD but I knew I had to choose to work on the relationship with bf. He’s my number one and its obviously really hitting home now. As he said “telling me DD was going on your holiday just made it all too real”. He seems to be ok with NSA sex for now, but he’s not ready for me to fawn over another man yet.
So I said goodbye to DD. He was obviously upset but acted maturely – initially. Then he kept questioning me about everything and mentioned a few too many times that I need to make whatever decision that allows me to be myself. That might be so, but for now, making sure bf is happy and comfortable is my duty, rather than just thinking of myself and my wants. I hope I’ll get them eventually though!
Bf then mentioned he wasn’t keen on me having the holiday at all anymore. Hold. The. Motherfuckin. Phone.
Well I had a genius idea. I asked him to imagine a scale where he has his minimum and maximum ‘wants’ in this relationship (in regards to monogamy/polyamory).
I told him mine:
Minimum – Open holiday once a year
Maximum – Completely poly whereby I could date other men.
He never told me his. He just said “fine you can have your holiday.” LOL! I wonder where the holiday sat on his scale.. Hmmm.
So DD is no more, I still have my holiday (although I’m not so excited anymore *grumble*), and bf even mentioned to one of his friends that I “had to dump my other bf”. Doesn’t sound like much, but for a monogamous person who stays quiet about sex/kinks/relationships, its a big step in my eyes!
There was a shitstorm, now its calm and we’re both happy and focusing on us. As much as I’m disappointed, I’ve had a much happier and fulfilling time with bf now that DD is gone. He appreciated this was a massive deal to me and that I’m sacrificing a lot of my wants in order to keep things moving slow. Baby steps. I’m keeping my optimism up, my determination is still there and I’ve put bf back on a pedestal where he should be.
Keep. On. Keeping. On.
The woes of being poly and dating a monogamous guy! All I can do is laugh at my predicament. 😛