Turning Lamebos Into Rainbows

Rambling Goat and Nonsense Unicorn present… The Awesome Person's Guide to Life

Post Orgasm No-no’s


You’ve just had a glorious orgasm. You’re laying in that blissful state, enjoying the peace, the sound of your deep breathing, your body collapsed in a heap. You’re insides are smiling.
Then… Your partner says “Ok we’re late! Let’s go!”
Get. Fucked.

After spending the weekend with bf, I realised he’d ticked off quite a few no-no’s in these serene moments. After pointing them out and saying it was worthy of a blog post, he was adamant that I don’t give away exactly which ones he did. In all honesty all of these have actually happened to me during my life though.

So without further ado, here is my list of post-orgasm no-no’s.
Don’t be a lamebo. After your partner has had an orgasm, please avoid:
*Scrunching a plastic bag
*Leaving an alarm going
*Ripping Velcro open
*Holding up an anal toy with shit on the end of it
*Wiping the sweat off yourself with their pillow
*Having a disgusted look on your face
*Calling someone for a chat while laying next to us
*Slapping our butt hard
*Demanding for us to pass you a towel that involves getting out of bed (apparently I do this a lot, whoops!)
*Talking about our parents/family/your nan
*Getting dressed, walking out of the room and leaving the door open while there are people over

Or saying:
*Oh shit….
*C’mon we’re late! I’ll meet you at the car.
*Your mums at the door!
*Jesus, you need to clean yourself up!
*Ummm there’s blood on the sheets..
*Don’t get my cum on the sheets!!!

If you’re on your own, try to avoid potential lamebos for yourself:
*If you’re using toys, make sure you have a functioning bathroom to clean them afterwards
*Girls, if you have your monthlies, wear a tampon! And guys, be careful where your jizz goes!

No wonder I’m so hungry for orgasms – the last one could very well have ended with a not-very-peaceful moment :/

Rambling Goat


Author: ramblingg0at

Life loves to set me up for its own entertainment. But instead of me hiding these awkward moments, I plan on sharing them for my own (and possibly your) amusement. Now who's laughing, life?

23 thoughts on “Post Orgasm No-no’s

  1. My #1 Bedroom pet peeve…After sex the guy will turn on annoying music and sing/bed dance to it…and not just one song…numerous songs…in a row. After cumming there are only three things should be happening in Jblondie’s opinion: Pillow talk, showering, a refreshing snack. 😀 Great Post Goaty!

  2. I laughed out loud in public transport reading this 🙂

  3. Oh god, that anal toy one… *Squirm uncomfortably.*

    Excellent list!!

    • Yeah it went together with the ‘disgusted look on face’.
      It’s my freakin poop hole they’re playing around with, do guys just fail to remember what it’s actually there for?!

  4. I love the afterglow. That blissful silence, that oneness is priceless. Maybe drop some hints? Increase tone and volume with each dropping…

    • MAD, long time no speak! Hope you’re well 🙂
      Yeah when I laughed and said I was making a blog post, bf got nervous and suddenly VERY aware of his actions! Hopefully pointing it out will now make him lay there quietly for longer but with my ridiculous life I suspect that wont be the last time from him or anyone else..

  5. Training is required. Maybe something along these lines:

    partner: [does something obnoxious]
    you: [audibly muttering to self] Now that’s going on the blog.

    Every. Time.

  6. There was this one time that a dude (literally immediately after our first time boning) reached over me to text his best friend that it had finally happened. THE FUCK.

    • Bahahaha well maybe that’s a compliment? He was happy?
      But really.. Wait till later boys, seriously! Get your priorities right!

      So I hear your story and raise you;
      I’ve had a guy answer the phone while his dick was in me before.
      Wish I was kidding. He was all “I really gotta get this, I’ll be quick!” Cue the pushing of his body off me and putting underwear back on, which he couldn’t exactly stop because he was focusing on his phone call. When the shop closes, the shop closes! Deal with it douchebag!

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