You’ve just had a glorious orgasm. You’re laying in that blissful state, enjoying the peace, the sound of your deep breathing, your body collapsed in a heap. You’re insides are smiling.
Then… Your partner says “Ok we’re late! Let’s go!”
After spending the weekend with bf, I realised he’d ticked off quite a few no-no’s in these serene moments. After pointing them out and saying it was worthy of a blog post, he was adamant that I don’t give away exactly which ones he did. In all honesty all of these have actually happened to me during my life though.
So without further ado, here is my list of post-orgasm no-no’s.
Don’t be a lamebo. After your partner has had an orgasm, please avoid:
*Scrunching a plastic bag
*Leaving an alarm going
*Ripping Velcro open
*Holding up an anal toy with shit on the end of it
*Wiping the sweat off yourself with their pillow
*Having a disgusted look on your face
*Calling someone for a chat while laying next to us
*Slapping our butt hard
*Demanding for us to pass you a towel that involves getting out of bed (apparently I do this a lot, whoops!)
*Talking about our parents/family/your nan
*Getting dressed, walking out of the room and leaving the door open while there are people over
*C’mon we’re late! I’ll meet you at the car.
*Your mums at the door!
*Jesus, you need to clean yourself up!
*Ummm there’s blood on the sheets..
*Don’t get my cum on the sheets!!!
If you’re on your own, try to avoid potential lamebos for yourself:
*If you’re using toys, make sure you have a functioning bathroom to clean them afterwards
*Girls, if you have your monthlies, wear a tampon! And guys, be careful where your jizz goes!
No wonder I’m so hungry for orgasms – the last one could very well have ended with a not-very-peaceful moment