Turning Lamebos Into Rainbows

Rambling Goat and Nonsense Unicorn present… The Awesome Person's Guide to Life


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Insatiable

I’m inappropriate. But its not my fault. Well, it is, but its due to the fact that I’m insatiable.

Yep, I’m adding myself to the delightful group with constant wet panties and boners:
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The moment I realised that I deserved this badge, I was sitting on a plane in between a young attractive guy and girl. I was legit imagining a threesome with them. Right there in the seat (logistically it could have worked, just sayin..). Earlier I happened to look up at a cute guy while he was looking at me. We both looked away, and while ‘reading’ my book I was actually wondering if he’d be the type to slam me up against a wall. I decided that yes, he was the type.. Cue the grin and he, now facing away, was none the wiser πŸ˜€

So thanks Evie for getting the idea in my head.. Haha here goes.

Rules

This is a self-nominating badge – you decide whether you are comfortable claiming this term or not. I invite all sex bloggers who claim this term to:

1. Post this badge publicly to their blogs
2. Share what this term means to you and why it’s important to you to claim it. Perhaps you have a tumultuous history with the term, perhaps it took you a long time to accept this part of yourself.
3. Let me (Evie) know that you’ve written this post! I’d love to share links to other people’s stories/statements.

So firstly, why am I insatiable?
1. I’m in a long distance relationship. Let’s just say I could never be a nun, it’s torture. Absence something something.. Makes the vagina go crazy?
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2. I’m 27 which apparently is about the time a woman hits her sexual ‘prime’ (although you lovely ladies out there have thoroughly convinced me this lasts quite a while!!).

3. I’ve recently embraced my kinks and the bdsm world and it certainly isn’t slowing my sex drive. Nooooope. I’m a runaway train and will NOT be getting back on the tracks.

4. I’m a proud slut

And why am I inappropriate with my insatiability?
1. Alright, lets be frank. I’ve wanked in some inappropriate places:
*My nans ensuite shower with the door open – yeah there was people over but they all knew I was in there showering so I figured they wouldn’t come into the bedroom..
*During the day at my parents house in the bathroom. I guess if anything they probably figured I was having a crap. Oh well.
*In bed laying next to bf while he was asleep.
*On my bedroom floor while my dog was under my bed (probably hiding from yours truly and yeah, it felt pretty awkward..).
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2. I keep my favourite vibrator in my pillowcase. I clean the toy so its not full of stains, I can assure you! But within easy reach = good.
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3. I have soooo many dirty pics on my phone and tablet, fairly tame ones of me but sexy rude ones of others. Which isn’t so bad buuuut I was sending Stereowhite a face shot (and saw his – yes girls, he’s cute πŸ˜‰ ) and my bloody mum walked over and stood next to me right when a whole bunch of my butt pics came up on the screen on my tablet. I kept tapping the screen to get out of it and it froze. So I avoiding talking to her for like half an hour after that and hoped that she is blinder than I think. Awkwardddd.

4. I browse fetlife and read erotica in the company of my family all the time. They’ll be across the room talking about something mundane like the price of postage going up and I’ll be saying “oh ok” while looking at orgy photos. The joys of being a girl – my horniness is undetectable!

5. I’ve flirted with boys online while sitting next to bf. Or sitting up in bed with bf asleep next to me.

6. I told my bf which of his friends I’d like to have sex with.

7. The man who gets my highest sexual attraction award goes to a man that is married. But he’s sexyyyyyy *swoon*

So to answer the question Evie posed, insatiable to me is having a giggling deviant living inside me while on the outside I look innocent as pie πŸ™‚

It’s important to me to claim it because its nothing to be ashamed of. Yes, I have slightly inappropriate moments but I have an awkward unlucky life anyway so who cares. I am who I am. And I’m insatiable πŸ™‚ I’m also friendly, silly and fun so it’s not my one defining feature, it’s one of many, and for that I’m proud πŸ™‚
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For those of you who are insatiable for sex, wanking, cheese, beer, memes – own it. For those of you who aren’t, that’s fine too. Be who you want to be, do what you want to do and don’t ever be ashamed of it πŸ™‚

Rambling Goat

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Hello and welcome to Date Liam

Had to share this with our lovely followers to help get the word out. I’m a sucker for awesomeness and this blog and idea kicks all over Tinder. Know any single ladies from New Zealand (or who will be there for valentines day)? Pass this on to them gang! πŸ™‚

Liam, you sound like a genuine guy, I hope you find a lovely lady for your date πŸ™‚
Ps. I’d totally line up in the queue but with the whole ‘having a bf’ and ‘being in a different country’ issues, I’ll have to be your virtual (drunk, awkward) cheerleader instead πŸ˜› Good luck!


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Post Orgasm No-no’s

You’ve just had a glorious orgasm. You’re laying in that blissful state, enjoying the peace, the sound of your deep breathing, your body collapsed in a heap. You’re insides are smiling.
Then… Your partner says “Ok we’re late! Let’s go!”
Get. Fucked.

After spending the weekend with bf, I realised he’d ticked off quite a few no-no’s in these serene moments. After pointing them out and saying it was worthy of a blog post, he was adamant that I don’t give away exactly which ones he did. In all honesty all of these have actually happened to me during my life though.

So without further ado, here is my list of post-orgasm no-no’s.
Don’t be a lamebo. After your partner has had an orgasm, please avoid:
*Scrunching a plastic bag
*Leaving an alarm going
*Ripping Velcro open
*Holding up an anal toy with shit on the end of it
*Wiping the sweat off yourself with their pillow
*Having a disgusted look on your face
*Calling someone for a chat while laying next to us
*Slapping our butt hard
*Demanding for us to pass you a towel that involves getting out of bed (apparently I do this a lot, whoops!)
*Talking about our parents/family/your nan
*Getting dressed, walking out of the room and leaving the door open while there are people over
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Or saying:
*Oh shit….
*C’mon we’re late! I’ll meet you at the car.
*Your mums at the door!
*Jesus, you need to clean yourself up!
*Ummm there’s blood on the sheets..
*Don’t get my cum on the sheets!!!

If you’re on your own, try to avoid potential lamebos for yourself:
*If you’re using toys, make sure you have a functioning bathroom to clean them afterwards
*Girls, if you have your monthlies, wear a tampon! And guys, be careful where your jizz goes!

No wonder I’m so hungry for orgasms – the last one could very well have ended with a not-very-peaceful moment :/

Rambling Goat


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Lovely Blog Award

Sooo if you know anything about NU and I, you’ll realise we’re late to everything. It could be one or the others fault (like me being in subspace at dd’s house then getting stuck in traffic) or both of our fault (having too many predrinks and not realising what the time is). I guess this one is both of us for just not even realising..

But we got a Lovely Blog award! Yayyy!

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FYI we were nominated in August.. Whoops!

The Rules:
1. Thank the person who nominated you for the award.
2. Display the One Lovely Blog Award on your blog.
3. Share 7 things about yourself.
4. Nominate 15 bloggers you admire and let them know by commenting on their blog.

1. Thaaaanksss JohnnyID! I’d write more but under your suggestion of drinking (because everyone else on viber was), I got a bit drunk on my own last night and pissed in a bucket twice. For anyone looking at me strange right now, I haven’t installed a new toilet in my bathroom yet. The joys of renovating!
So yeah, I woke up with my eyes crusted over and my body feels like a truck hit it. Need to check my phone cos I know there were drunk texts, dammit.. I think I need to get unpoor so I can have a social life. Getting drunk on my own when my homebrew beers are 7-8% is uhhh probably not the best.

In conclusion, Johnny is an awesome guy and he’s even more awesome because he came all the way over to Aussie land to hang out with us bozo’s. I’m not sure that I’m contributing much ‘loveliness’ to the blog lately, so here goes..

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Yep, that's us! Plus some add-ons... And based on this I think you need to buy a top hat Johnny, very nice!

3. Ummm well that’s hard because you know so much about me already. I’ll try and think of 7 new things just for you lot πŸ˜€ And I’ll get some off NU too!

Rambling Goat
*I fall asleep in every. Goddamn. Movie. I’m not sure if my brain just assumes what the ending will be like thus proving to itself that there’s no need to watch it, oooor if it decides that I can dream up a better ending. Either way I always wake up at like 2am to a loud TV, lights on, and a rascal of a dog hiding on the couch. Tonight I’m watching the hobbit, wish me luck!

*When I settle down I want a farm with lots of odd animals on it. A donkey, a peacock, a couple of turkeys, an alpaca, a sheep that I train to be like a dog (sleeps in a kennel, jumps through hoops etc), a family of pigs etc.

*I have also designed the house I want to build on it. It has a swingers den and an open-air (and open-sided) bathroom πŸ˜€ I always wanted to be an architect as a kid, so working in horticulture and renovating houses hasn’t strayed too far for my original interest πŸ™‚

*I’d really love to adopt kids in the future. Why let a kid miss out on having a family? Awwww yeah I’m a softie but in saying that, I won’t be having kids for like another 10 years. Which if it takes me 10 years to finally get an adopted child (I’ve heard the process is long and gruelling – but I’m still determined!), then maybe it’ll be 20 πŸ˜‰ No, it has nothing to do with being sterile, my ovaries are fine. I only want one of my own, the rest will be adopted ❀

*My dad is a full on eccentric. I nominated him for "Australia's Daggiest Dad" one year and he won it. Legit. If you're a little confused, daggy in Australia means embarrassing/unfashionable/lame. We were in some magazine that only old ladies read (they gave him a makeover) and they tried to get us to go on a morning show too (for no extra payment). Ummm no thanks, I need to be paid at least $5000 to have my face on TV. I'm no bloody demanding diva but i'm not keen on getting out of my comfort zone for literally nothing in return. So yeah, if I'm strange, I can totally blame my genes.

*I'm obsessed with travelling. I've now been to 21 countries and I've got loooootttttsssss to go. At any given time I'm in thousands of dollars worth of debt over it. I usually get a loan or credit card, buy my flights then work out the rest because I have to. I know once I get my flight I can't back down – Its f@#king expensive to get ANYWHERE from Australia. I'm not going to just throw money away!
One of my pet hates is people who flake on holidays. It happens to me all the time. I ended up travelling around Europe for 2-3 months on my own (it was a 4 month trip in total) because I couldn't be arsed waiting for someone to come with me.

*I love coffee but don’t drink it anymore because it makes my heart beat irregularly (it randomly skips a beat then does a double sized beat for the next beat). Pretty scary! The first time my heart went all wacky was first thing in the morning after staying at this girls house I was seeing. We’d had a lot of wine, were giggly, she told me to stay over so I went and passed out in her bed, whoops. So yeah woke up to my heart having a freakout, went and saw a doc, had a heart monitor thing on for 24 hrs and the doc said I shouldn’t have any more stimulants. “No more coffee!” NoOoOoOoOo!!! I drank decaf once and it tasted terrible (maybe it was burnt?), it just ruined it for me.
NU took me for my last coffee and I’ve been drinking tea ever since. But tea lately has been doing it too if I have too much so I now sound like a full hipster because I mostly drink is Rooibos (African tea, no caffeine) and a caffine-free coffee substitute called Bambu (and I recently found another similar one called Echo) that is a brown powder but has weird shit like chicory root in it. Its pretty tasty! So yeah, fuck you heart. Or more likely, fuck you young RG for consuming farrr too many stimulants and ruining your heart.

Nonsense Unicorn

– I’m a lefty

– I trace words with my tongue on the back of my teeth

– probably the easiest person to give a present to (draw a smiley face on a cotton ball and I’ll be stoked)

– drive a manual and wouldn’t have it any other way

– have a birthmark in the shape of a paw print

– can burp on command

– collect figurines (mainly games and skimpy anime chicks)

4. Ok i’m stepping away from the regulars for my nominated inspiring blogs to try and find you some new ones.
The kind of person who inspires me is anyone who is honestly themselves, does what makes them happy (even if that means stepping away from the ‘norm’) and can talk about it to others. At best, you’re helping someone else, at worst, well, its entertaining πŸ™‚

So in random order (chosen by RG):

Naughty Miss Jones – Adventures and insights from a lovely Aussie gal who runs a cheeky online store

Daddy’s Babygirl – BDSM eat your heart out πŸ™‚ One of a few DD/LG dynamic blogs on here that has helped me realise I’m a LG (although not quite the slave/pain type of this one!).

Poly and Kinky Passions – The highs and lows of Polyamory and BDSM

Confessions of a Submissive Fucked-up Nutjob – I’m always giggling or horny after reading these. If you like kink, sexuality and debauchery this is for you πŸ™‚

Carnal Sex Blog – Hilarious (but great) sex advice!

My Adventures as a Sugar Daddy – Oh gosh, such honesty through a surprisingly tough lifestyle. Interesting insights πŸ™‚

Gardener’s Blog – I have a soft spot for Mr Gardener, he’s a lovely man who has a deviant side πŸ™‚

Warm Creme – I think cum is an extra food group over at this household, its definitely got me adding stuff to my kinky bucket list! πŸ˜€

Syd Sugar Babe – Stories from a Sugar Baby and Escort.

Stereowhite – A fun guy with a loooot of juicy stories πŸ˜€

And just to prove that not *all* the blogs I follow are sex related..

Found this, Painted that – Cool DIY decorating tips on a budget, there’s photo steps through each post. My Pinterest obsession may be firing up again..

Red Carpet Square – So many lols!! Some people have too much money and damn, kids say the darnedest things. Just go there.

Ok there’s only 12 but this post has been in the making for like 2 days now, there’s a lot on my plate right now! Hope you forgive me blog police πŸ˜›

Rambling Goat


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2014 summarised!

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Ok there’s a new page up with links to all our posts from 2014 πŸ™‚

Good for when you’re bored, looking for a laugh (I was lolling at some of NU’s old posts as I was adding in the links), want to live vicariously through someone for a moment or want to know more about how our minds work.

It literally took me hours (its 2pm and I’m still in PJs) so there’s plenty there to read :O

Have a look!

Rambling Goat


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A few more casual misfortunes

I can’t be bothered with a long winded post about the fruitfulness of life right now (mainly because its 1:30am), so here’s a quick rundown;
I’ve pissed on my leg twice this week, a cockroach just pranced across my tablet, fell on my bed and now I am unaware of its whereabouts and last night I had a bit of a playtime dilemma. All three of these are related because I’m basically camping in my house due to renovations.

So yeah, the only bathroom is in the other wing of the house (where my parents live) and hey RG, let’s get some toys dirty and THEN try and figure out how to clean them.. While in an orgasmic bliss state.

If it was just one toy I probably could have hid it in my pants/shirt and walked past my dad watching TV with no drama. Awkward but bearable. But there were 4 toys (TMI?).

In conclusion, I need to stop drinking beer before bed (it’s really hard to pee on the ground in the middle of the night) and if anyone is wondering why there’s a non-resealable toy cleaner now living in my bedroom pot plant and why I woke up with no PJ pants that next morning, I don’t want to talk about it.

Rambling Goat

Ps. Baby wipes are going on the shopping list! As are cockroach baits!

Pps. While pissing outside, my dog stood in the lit doorway staring at me. Role reversal! And now if I ever glance at them while pissing/crapping, I’ll be sure to look away immediately because that felt reeeeally awkward. See? I learnt something from this! πŸ™‚