Turning Lamebos Into Rainbows

Rambling Goat and Nonsense Unicorn present… The Awesome Person's Guide to Life

No more trouble in poly town!

16 Comments

So here’s an update on my trouble in polytown post. Turning this lamebo into a rainbow 😉

So the hulk (bf) and I went to couples counselling. We both got to explain our point of view, say how we felt, listen to the other persons thoughts and feelings etc. Wow, if you’re needing a middle man or just want to be heard/understood, I really truly recommend going to couples counselling.

He acknowledged that:
*I’m not greedy – I’m just poly, that’s the way I am.
*He wants me to be happy (he often focuses on his feelings when we talk about open/poly and forgets about mine).

I let him know that:
*I often give up my own happiness to make him happy.
*I’m normally a social butterfly but am holding back quite a lot in order to focus on our relationship and work (where I’ll be getting a lump sum to use towards he and I buying a house).
*I don’t *purposely* get feelings for other men, I’m just open and friendly and tend to find sexual and emotional attraction easy (he tends to have a wall up in comparison). I didn’t purposely get feelings for DD, it just happened. He’s a very caring person, especially towards me, and I love that.

And the counsellor acknowledged that:
*I’m not the baddy here – I’m allowed to be me and not feel bad for it. I reeeeeally needed to hear that!
*Neither is he – Its perfectly fine for him to feel the way he does and in fact 95% of the population feels the same as him (hurt when their gf wants to sleep with and/or date other men).

In the car on the way home, he asked who this other guy was. I’d already told him that he knew him. I told him again that it shouldn’t matter who it is. He said he has massive trust issues with me and would rather me tell him so he knows I’m being honest. He promised to not get angry, not get upset, wouldn’t go around telling everyone, wouldn’t over analyse and in fact would stay happy.

I kept telling him clues like “we used to work with him” (he was one of the supervisors) because I found it extremely difficult to say his name. I didn’t want him to think differently about DD. Their contact now is extremely minimal but he mentioned he was going to their Xmas party at one stage so I didn’t want to create am extremely awkward situation.. Anyway, I said it. He was shocked. He had a list of people it could be in his head and DD wasn’t on it. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not?

Oh well, he stuck to his word, he stayed happy and thanked me for being honest and realised it was a difficult thing to say. But guess what!! He gave me a reward! Well I guess I’m helping him with his trust issues so he felt he should help me with my wanting-to-have-sex-with-other-men issues. He told me I could have a holiday once a year where I can see whoever I want, do whatever I want and its completely fine. The holiday just has to be out of our state.
image

Side note: he’d already mentioned this as an idea when we first got back together but not only felt uncomfortable with it, but also only mentioned my USA trip. So as much as this seems to be history repeating, its actually a step forward – he’s happy with it, and its going to be every year for as long as I want (umm FOREVER! Haha!).

DD is happy he’s got me back (even if only once a year – isn’t he a gentleman! 🙂 ) and I’m happy that my life can now include lots of fun times 😀

The bonus to all this is that bf is thinking of moving to Canada for a while with his brother and friend. I did leave him to move for a job, so its fair enough for him to do the same to me. If he does go though, he said it’ll be completely open long distance relationship while he’s gone 😀 He mentioned 2 years but I know him too well, he won’t last that long 😉 maybe 6 months max.

So lots of good news. Its not exactly the full poly relationship I want, but its not the no-men-only-women thing he’d prefer. Compromise 🙂 and maybe (hopefully) he’ll get more used to the idea and step forward again in the future but for now I’m happy and he’s happy so that’s the important thing 🙂

I hope that by somehow sharing my experiences it can help you with yours. I truly appreciate those of you on here that can fully open up about your experiences as I can quite easily with situations featuring myself but fear mentioning others too much so it has been very nerve wracking to say the least.

Anyway this hulk/dd/relationships chapter is now sorted, so thanks for all your kind words and help with deciphering male emotions! I’m very lucky to have a great bunch of friends through blogging. Is it thanksgiving yet? (Why don’t we have thanksgiving in Australia?!?!) This community truly is amazing. Xo

Rambling Goat

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Author: ramblingg0at

Life loves to set me up for its own entertainment. But instead of me hiding these awkward moments, I plan on sharing them for my own (and possibly your) amusement. Now who's laughing, life?

16 thoughts on “No more trouble in poly town!

  1. Best!

    Now get into my inbox woman!

    Ps. I really am happy to hear this. Baby steps. Everything starts small!!

    ❤ xoxox

  2. I’m happy you’re making steps in the right direction! =]

  3. This is great news!! I have never gone to counselling (my ex refused) but I think I should.

    It’s wonderful to hear you are making progress and that you are finding compromises that work!!

  4. Good for g0at! It still seems quite complex, but progression is important. A lot of rules though, wouldn’t it be better if it worked out more naturally? I suppose rules are good in this kind of thing, huh.

    Hard times with naming names.

    It’s not easy to be accepted for who you are.

    Sounds like the counselor is really great!

    Looking forward to seeing how all this evolves in the future with dd and hulk and long distances. Where are the girl stories hehe…

    Thanks for sharing 😉

    • Ahh I wish I had some for you! I’ve just been focusing on this love triangle for now, but knowing me I’m sure it’ll be a square or octagon soon 😉

      Its definitely hard to find someone who thinks about relationships exactly the same way as you do (especially if you’re outside the ‘norm’) but hey, as long as both parties are mostly happy and can compromise to keep the happiness there then its all worthwhile.

      I blamed myself for going from monogamous 6 years ago with him to wanting full poly. But we have to deal with changes in life as they come up, and he’s going pretty well considering 🙂

  5. Yay! I’m glad that you guys came to a nice compromise that can make you both happy! That’s the main thing, cos you guys are both awesome and deserve to be happy 🙂

    • Thankssss deary. Yes we’re both pretty stubborn about our love it seems, neither one is willing to give up haha I cant get rid of him! 😛 So we will forever live in a world of compromises I guess, not the easy option but an option that keeps us happy 🙂

  6. I LOVE compromise. And I LOVE that you two went to couples counseling. Absolutely fantastical. Here’s to hoping for continued awesome progress!

  7. I’m so happy for you! Welcome to the world of fun and awesome! Hehehe 🙂 now I don’t have to bug you about what happened!

    Also, yay USA trip!

  8. Pingback: I Have Been a Very Bad Girl…Blogger | P.S. Please Don't Be a Serial Killer

  9. Pingback: How I got from Mono to Poly | Turning Lamebos Into Rainbows

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