Turning Lamebos Into Rainbows

Rambling Goat and Nonsense Unicorn present… The Awesome Person's Guide to Life

Well today I learnt a life lesson..


Don’t take an apple into the bathroom with you when you need to pee.


It sounds innocent, ‘I have to pee, I’m eating this glorious apple, I can do both!’ but I stand here today before you and say NO. Ok its cool, sit down, eat your apple, marvel at how disgusting this probably looks, then what. You’ve got to wipe.

Boys and anyone using a Japanese toilet, don’t think you’ll get off lightly. Because when you’re eating the apple (in my case trying to finish it so I could wipe without feeling horribly unhygienic), guess what could be coming. A crap. Oh god.

Cue the rapid apple eating. And yeah it’s rapid, because if any sort of activity occurs from the back end while you’re eating an apple, I’m going to hazard a guess that you will truly be disgusted. I can say hands down, I’ve never eaten an apple so quickly in all my life. And I wouldn’t like to do that again.

So thankyou life, another marvellous lesson. Do not eat an apple in the bathroom.

Rambling Goat


Author: ramblingg0at

Life loves to set me up for its own entertainment. But instead of me hiding these awkward moments, I plan on sharing them for my own (and possibly your) amusement. Now who's laughing, life?

24 thoughts on “Well today I learnt a life lesson..

  1. I always feel weird when I eat in the bathroom, but I admit I do it quite frequently. Haha

    • I was feeling quite chuffed for a while there. Being a multitasking woman and all.

      I’m now going with if its already in my mouth its hygienic, but if its out in the open touching the air, its starting to look preeeetty unhygienic.

  2. Now that’s both truth and funny… πŸ˜€

  3. Food/beverage. Never. Enter. The bathroom

    Unhygenic? Want to talk about that? How about the men at professional sporting events who enter the bathroom with their beer seeking a place to park it while they pee. No shelf. Nothing. Both hands are required to extract the appendage to enable peeing. Where does one set their beer? Why, directly beneath the urinal (and their stream of urine…and drips) of course!

  4. LOLOLz!!

    I’ll try to remember that.

    An apple in the shower however, is good as gold.

    • Hahahaha yes! And I drink beer in the shower, its totally fine AS LONG AS YOU HAVE A SHELF. I feel like a cup holder in the shower wouldn’t go astray. Has anyone invented that yet?!

      • You should. Then patent it. Gods. Drunk in shower just opened up a whole load of new possibilities!

        • I’m too lazy for that, you should know that by now sharn πŸ˜› I’m the ideas girl, I just need an offsider to make me rich from that somehow. Any takers, please come forth. I can pay you in potatoes until you get me rich, then I can pay $5. Ok, maybe 10.

          And yes, drinking in the shower is entirely helpful as predrinks and getting ready to go out at the same time. Multi tasking. I am aaaaalways late to things. And I don’t like being sober on a night out haha its a match made in heaven!

          Also handy for when you’re equally dirty and thirsty for a hard earned coldie. You might be thinking ‘which one should I do first – shower or beer?’ Ummm both. Problem solved πŸ˜€

          • YES!

            And those showers, you know, where you have 2 shower heads. Then you could do the whole take a drink and get distracted thing really well!

            You know, you go, here honey, turn around while I err, soap your back and have a drink while I’m at it… yes!

            Then we need a doer. I am good at plotting. Fail at execution of said plot. Unless I have a lot of drink in me. Then it’s all bets off.

          • Haha I thought this was going to go down the shower-head-on-the-giney route! But I don’t think I’m too far off, I mean, I’d be doing a lot of ‘back soaping’ if i wasn’t on my lonesome. Woooo 4 days till I get to soap some back! Thank f&#*Β£! for that!

            I’m not sure if there’s many doers out there? We’re a society of sit-downerers!

          • bwahahahahaha!!

            I’m jelly! Although I am meeting someone or rather for a coffee date on Sunday. Will see how that goes, maybe I’ll finally get some soap back too πŸ˜‰

            You know, if we booby trapped all the chairs (well, everyone else’s chairs) we wouldn’t be society of sit downers anymore.

          • I once heard a bad joke involving a plastic chair with the seat part cut in a cross shape and some balls ending up stuck under the seat. I don’t remember why this guy had no pants on but I always check seats before I sit down now! And I don’t even have balls. So there’s your booby trap hahaha!

            Yayyy have fun! I wish to be soaping more than one back this weekend but hey, patience something something apparently. Let us know how your coffee goes!

          • Ummm gross. I’m going to wipe every chair I sit on now!!!

            Never you fear, I’ll probs blog all about it.

            Aww sweets! here’s to hoping you have more than one back soon enough. I’ll be on the lookout for a few more to add to my repertoire soon. Plus I need a girl I can tie up a bit more regularly! My old one moved back down south! 😦

          • Ahh yes I should get back on the girl bandwagon too, lately I’ve been a little distracted I guess you could say. We need to plot together in our booby trapped chairs with beers, apples and shower heads!

          • Oh dearling, I’m so up for that. I even have a case of cider sitting in my bedroom ready to go πŸ˜‰

          • And if we run out, I know how to make more :O πŸ˜€
            Yes, cheapskate alcoholic talking to ya here hahahaha fml.

          • Wait. You know how to make alcohol?

            Oh dear gods! Where have you been hiding all my life! I know how to make margaritas. We’re so set.

          • Dude. My long-term plan is to own and run a brewery. I can make cider and beer at home at this point hmmm might have to try making wine next!

          • Marry me! Hahahahahahaha!

          • Marry my evil kink mother?! Awww see how could I ever go back to vanilla when I’ve got an offer like that? πŸ˜‰

  5. Dude I do this all the time…#noshame.

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