Turning Lamebos Into Rainbows

Rambling Goat and Nonsense Unicorn present… The Awesome Person's Guide to Life

Trouble in PolyTown

17 Comments

Well of course my perfect life wouldn’t be perfect. Its laughable to think it’d all work out. If you’re wondering why I’ve been quiet, there’s a slight shit storm brewing. Let me explain.

Background info:
*I’ve started dating the hulk again.
*We have a long distance, semi-polyamorous relationship (he is fine with me dating/sexing women but not men yet).
*He agreed that together we would work to a fully open relationship one step at a time, and would get there by my holiday in august next year. I’m going to the lovely US of A for Burning Man, Vegas, and some catch ups with blogging friends.
*Open isn’t enough for me, I want full poly, but I figure it’s a start.
*He is fine with me having cheeky/dirty convos with other men and sending them cheeky pics.
*We have a history that goes back 6 years now.
*It won’t be long distance for too much longer, once I finish renovating this house (january-ish), I’ll be moving back in with him.

So ok, right before we got back together I spent time with DD (daddy Dom). Although he started as a SD (sugar daddy), I felt that the money and offering of gifts made me feel guilty. We got into more of a DD/LG (little girl) relationship where he cared for me and gave me rules like saying goodnight every night before I went to bed.

I say ‘relationship’ but really, when I started dating the hulk again I was totally upfront with DD. We couldn’t play for now but maybe in the future we could again. We had started as friends, moved to fwbs, and were kind of at this D/S DD/LG sexless horny friends point. There was no hard feelings or problems when I told DD I was no longer single, he was very mature about the whole thing. He just wants to see me happy.

Anyway, the hulk wasn’t cool with me sexing guys so I stuck to my word and didn’t meet up with DD again. I did however carry on cheeky convos and talking about memories of my and DD’s playtimes. He managed to Dom me through text and tell me which toys to play with, how and for how long. Not quite the same as him being here but hey, he did the best he could without stepping on anyone’s toes.

We spoke everyday and got quite close. He’s kinky so let’s me embrace my wild side and we had some interesting convos, sharing articles, erotica and fetishy photos found online (as well as tease type black and whites). The hulk however is fairly vanilla and is uncomfortable discussing open relationships and fetishes. So that distanced us a little and I became ever closer to DD.

The hulk came up last weekend and took me away to a riverside cabin down the coast. We discussed our relationship. He asked if I was getting close to someone. I said “yes, I have a friend that I’m pretty close with and have feelings for. If we were poly I would consider dating him”.

He asked if he knew the friend. I said yes. He then tries to guess who it is and starts getting worked up, especially when I refuse to partake in this guessing game. We talk it through calmly and logically (you should know that’s my style by now!), and he tells me I’ve broken his trust and he feels uncomfortable.

I tell him I feel like I can’t be my true self in front of him because he doesn’t like discussing anything kinky or about open/poly relationships. He lets me discuss what I want and reacts relatively positively. Yay, progress! He’ll never get to DD’s level, but at least he’s open to more fun.

Then he brings up DD again.
“I need you to stop talking to him.”
“No chance, he’s my friend.”
“Well at least tell him you just want to be friends, don’t lead him on. You should have told me the second you got feelings for him, I’ve lost your trust now.”

I really truly despise being controlled. And feeling like I’m being punished for being honest. I say “I can totally understand why people cheat now. I haven’t slept with him while we’ve been back together, I’ve told you all this honestly and I feel like I’m being punished for it. I’m poly. Just because I’ve got feelings for someone else, doesn’t mean I’ve stopped loving you or want to leave you for him. I’m happy to have you both with you being my primary. I wouldn’t date him just he and I, and I wouldn’t move in with him. He’s secondary to you. Any sort of relationship I have with him doesn’t affect our relationship, but not allowing me to talk about things I like does.”

Somewhere in the conversation I bring up that I’d like to go to couples counselling. He agrees.

Drama over? Nope.
While we were away, DD put $400 in my account. I mentioned to him in passing last week that my bank balance was in the negative and I was ignoring calls from the bank. He bugged me for 2 days for my account details. He told me he’d put in a couple of hundred and it could just sit there for when bills came in and I had no money. Finally I relented. What I thought would be 200 turned out to be 400. Gosh, he truly is lovely.

image

I noticed the money there after telling him I’m going to have to distance myself a little and stick to friends for the sake of the hulk. He said that’s ok but no more DD/LG, no more pet names, no more cheeky texts. It killed me but I understood it was necessary to enter the friendzone in order to keep the hulk happy.

Seeing as the hulk wanted honesty, I told him about the money. “Give it back. If you need money just ask me.” Well I tried, but DD wouldn’t give me his bank details. He told me he knew we were only friends but friends help each other when they are in need. I chatted with another friend about it and they reminded me that my money was my money. I decided to just stop bugging him for his details and keep it. The hulk shouldn’t be controlling me like that.

So this is where I sit now. About to start couples counselling (so I feel like my views and needs are being heard too), friendzoned with DD (which I feel especially awful about because he just found out his only parent has cancer and his job will most likely be made redundant soon), and being kept real busy with work.

I’m still here reading what all of you are up to but I’m just trying to keep my feet on the ground so I don’t float away with all the drama. Mostly this is achieved with work and sleep so sorry for taking so long to get through your posts. Feel free to console/scald/enlighten/entertain/arouse/distract/high 5 me or make me laugh by showing me a clip of a baby goat jumping off another goats back πŸ˜€ More posts coming soon, promise!

Rambling Goat

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Author: ramblingg0at

Life loves to set me up for its own entertainment. But instead of me hiding these awkward moments, I plan on sharing them for my own (and possibly your) amusement. Now who's laughing, life?

17 thoughts on “Trouble in PolyTown

  1. I’ve little to add, but my support. I’m glad you will be heard πŸ™‚

  2. Oh wow.

    How are you? No, like really, how. are. you. ?

    How are you keeping it all together? You’re right, The Hulk doesn’t have the right to control your bank balance, or if you borrow money from a friend, which is effectively what you’re doing. Would you have to return the money if you’d borrowed that from a different friend?

    I think the hulk is trying to control you because he is scared of where it’s all going and that he’s going to lose you because he can’t seem to get his head around what’s going on and basically it’s the head in the sand mentality. If I ignore it and make sure she isn’t engaged in it it will go away and we’ll be happy. Big mistake.

    I’m glad he agreed to couples counselling. I hope you found a poly & kink friendly therapist!! I know a few, but I have the feeling you aren’t in Sydney so not sure that’s helpful.

    Either way I think you guys have a lot to talk about and I can only hope that it gets better from here on out.

    • I’m going fine now although there were a couple of days where my heart beat was a bit irregular. Mostly I was worried about hurting DD in an attempt to keep the hulk happy. Turns out DD is fine (at least on the surface), another reason to choose calm mature men over emotionally immature ones!

      Yeah I agree that the hulk is trying to control me because he’s worried. I figure its trust/abandonment issues. I’m sure there’s something I’m doing wrong too but I can’t for the life of me think what? He’s had 100% open and poly from my end for the last 4 years. Maybe I’ll get a talking to for trying to ‘change’ him? Who knows, I guess the session will be interesting.

      I’m up in Coffs, I was going to head down to Sydney for sessions but I just can’t get that much time off work. Thankfully he’s more flexible in his work so will come up for them. I found a lovely hippy woman, so I’m hoping she’ll be open to our style.

      Thankyou anyway though! I actually wanted to share my DD with you after you did a post on not finding any decent fwbs in Sydney. Seems he’s got a lot on his plate right now but if he’s open to new encounters (really I think it’d be a nice distraction for him but I can’t push it), I’ll give you his deets πŸ™‚ I’m thinkin’ of ya sunshine! Xo

      • Thank you sweetling!

        I’m glad to read you’re doing ok. Reach out of you need to. I’m always happy to lend an ear! Or eyeballs or whatever.

        You know, all relationships are give and take and it’s a two way street. It’s a delicate balance of finding common ground. But you need to communicate to find it though and I’m not sure your hulk is. So I guess of anything this lovely hippy chick will help you guys open some new communication channels.

        Awwwww thank you with the DD love! I got warm fuzzies. You’re awesome ❀

  3. This is a lot to deal with my dear! I’m not schooled in poly but I am in listening so if you need an ear, don’t hesitate to reach out. Or just to talk about everything but the crapload of drama – I could use that too.

    And I’m starting to think I should go to burning man πŸ™‚

  4. I can’t help but think it’s like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole or something something.

    Just wanna see you happy, I hope the counselling goes well and helps to point you guys in the right direction xx

    • Thanks deary! I’ve already joked to the hulk that after 1.5 hrs they might just say ‘ok, you two just need to shutup and break up.’
      But I’ve got high hopes, it should all work out. And on the slight chance it doesn’t, well fuck it, I’m back to where I was a month ago πŸ˜› That kind of stuff doesn’t worry me so much, its either going to work or it isn’t and I know the stakes are 50/50.

      Its the confusion-inducing changing of opinions, control and one-sidedness that I don’t enjoy with all this. I hope it all gets worked out soon one way or another!

      • Thats the slirit! (That was meant to say spirit but mr wong changed it and i loled so im keeping it there).

        Sometimes you just gotta give stuff a big kick up the kazoomba before knowing what to do! All i know is comminication really is key

  5. Pingback: No more trouble in poly town! | Turning Lamebos Into Rainbows

  6. Pingback: How I got from Mono to Poly | Turning Lamebos Into Rainbows

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