Turning Lamebos Into Rainbows

Rambling Goat and Nonsense Unicorn present… The Awesome Person's Guide to Life

Online Dating Freak-outs

13 Comments

There’s nothing like a dating profile to make you question everything about yourself.. But *am* I funny? Or do I just think I’m funny and everyone else is all ‘WTF!!’? Better not put funny. Uhhhh. If I put kinky, will it attract extremists? I don’t want to be pee’d on.
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I’m considering putting a profile up on a lesbian/bi dating site because let’s be frank here – men are easier to pick up than women. I can walk down the street with my pussy power switched on and pick up men. I know my skills with men. Women are a different story. I’m out of my depth. They’re sexy and have a vagina. IT’S INTENSE.

I honestly can’t do this dating profile. In no way can I describe myself accurately without sounding like a flailing idiot or up myself. I know me, and I love me, but putting *me* into words is impossible. At least for me. I’m sure the rest of you would just use the word ‘crazy’ for me and be done with it πŸ˜›

Here is a list of reasons why online dating makes me nervous:
*Strange people
*Murderers
*Catfish
*Stalkers
*Recognising someone
*People not taking no for an answer
*People saying no without getting to know me
*Getting awkward photos (eg. dick photos)

Not only that but I’ve now started dating ‘the hulk‘ again. He’s getting used to open relationship so we’re x amount of steps in and it’s pretty complicated to explain to a potential newcomer. As of now I have 100% free reign to date/sex women (hence the lesbian/bi girls dating site). Men is a slower process, but intentional – we don’t want to go too quick and ruin the chance of success. But anyway, even if I could find a nice girl, not many are into polyamory. That and I’m suuuper picky (complete opposite to men!) so my potential numbers are basically 0.

So I’ve given up on it. And am chilling out on FL instead. High 5’s and butt-slaps to you kinky folk out there, you make me grin!

I have to say, when we started this blog (on my bday in Feb no less!) I thought I was open minded. Well I wasn’t entirely it seems. NOW I’m open minded. WordPress blogs have not only taught me a lot, but encouraged/gave ideas for sugaring, cuckolding, fetishes, d/s relationships, bondage/training techniques, swinging and made me realise that the sucket list is soooo tame. You lovely sex bloggers have given me so many cheeky ideas! My present and future sex partners are thanking you, even if it doesn’t always end glamorously. Just loudly, does it ever for me?! Haha! Nope. Update on that one: totes doing anal training now so I’ll be able to give myself a definitive and painless yes/no decision on anal, yayyy!

So I may not be able to convince myself to actively date online, but I don’t need to. I have you guys for entertainment πŸ™‚ Thanks for sticking with our blog, listening to our nonsense and posting enough awesome things to create a full blown WordPress addiction πŸ˜‰

Rambling Goat

Ps. No, I haven’t written anything on my FL profile yet. Ha!

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Author: ramblingg0at

Life loves to set me up for its own entertainment. But instead of me hiding these awkward moments, I plan on sharing them for my own (and possibly your) amusement. Now who's laughing, life?

13 thoughts on “Online Dating Freak-outs

  1. Your FL profile makes me sad. Get yo shit together, missy!

  2. I’m about to sound REALLY lame right now…but what’s an “FL profile?”

    Anyway…this is how I would describe you…you know as someone who doesn’t know you at all, but pretends to. Are you ready? This is me talking as if I was you (because I know you so well and all)

    “Hey There My Fellow Online Dater! I make people laugh on the daily but don’t feel intimidated after you taste my awesome-sauce (If you took that as a sexual reference you might be the person for me). I enjoy a ton of different hobbies that include blogging, checking out hot girls, handing out free high 5’s (no I don’t mean blow-jobs), and making friends with Nonsensical Unicorns. Have you read enough yet? Of course not. But let’s get real for a second, I’m open-minded, super positive, and could make friends with the troll who lived under the bridge (because I get along with everyone). So if you’re looking for a lady to share a cup of pumpkin flavored coffee with then maybe I’m the Goat for you.”

    ….You’re welcome. πŸ˜€
    Sincerely,
    Jblondie

    • Hahahaha you’re the best πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ I feel like printing that and framing it hahaha you got everything right except coffee – my long lost love. It makes my heart beat irregular so the doc said no more stimulants (lucky I’ve had my stimulant drug fun and am over it now.. Is that the reason for my wonky heart?!?!) so I’m a tea drinker now. And chai. With soy milk. Fuck I sound hipster. I’m not hipster, I just think drinking cows milk is the same as drinking rats milk. Think about it.

      FL is fetlife πŸ™‚

      • “Fetlife” .???..I’ll be googling that shiznit Rightanow! I’m totally with you on the non-cow bi-product. I prefer my milk WITHOUT mucus in it. πŸ˜€ However I’m an almond girl myself…Soy reminds me of cum too much. TMI? You’re totally hipster. Just get over it.

        • Almond is pretty good too, yesss! That would be insanely fucking hipster though asking for chai with almond milk. And honey (sorry but its better than sugar!). Dammit. So hipster. For the record, I don’t wear a floral dress with boots and a sunhat. Just so we’re clear here. If anything, I’m on the cusp.

          Fetlife is for kinky folk to chat, share pics or videos, meet up etc but definitely no pressure and no judgement. I’m in the stalker category at this point hahaha

          Ps. A whole bunch of guys think that if you drink soy it gives you boobs (seeing as it has estrogen in it). I’m too nervous too stop drinking it in case they’re right – I don’t won’t to lose these coconuts! πŸ˜‰ hahaha no, in all honesty I do like the taste. Haven’t compared it to cum but I’ll be giggling to myself the next time I pour some, thanks for that! πŸ˜›

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