I’m a pretty clumsy person, particularly when it comes to eating. I don’t think there is ever a meal where I don’t end up either wearing it or dropping it on the floor.
(On too many sober occasions I have gone to have a drink and missed my mouth – I think my spatial awareness is severely handicapped).
I don’t know if it’s a lack of ability or laziness (I like to eat on the lounge when I get home from work because I’m exhausted, and eating when on an incline definitely creates a new challenge).
Anyway, so after work today I decided to be disgusting and get myself a Big Mac meal from Micky D’s. Now, the fact I decided to indulge in Mc D’s SOBER is not the new low I shall regail – it is what happened after.
I take it home, sit back with my legs up on the chaise and set up my burger and fries on my tummy.
(LIKE A FAT FUCKING WALRUS, YEAH YEAH).
Then, as I take a bite into the freakin Big Mac, a glob of sauce drips down and lands straight into my ample cleavage.
I would think a normal person would immediately wipe the mess away, I mean c’mon that’s gross right?!
What do I do: dip my fucking chips in it and eat it.
And that my friends, is how you stoop to a new low just when you thought you couldn’t get any lazier.