Turning Lamebos Into Rainbows

Rambling Goat and Nonsense Unicorn present… The Awesome Person's Guide to Life

Stooping to a (delicious) new low

11 Comments

I’m a pretty clumsy person,  particularly when it comes to eating.  I don’t think there is ever a meal where I don’t end up either wearing it or dropping it on the floor.

(On too many sober occasions I have gone to have a drink and missed my mouth – I think my spatial awareness is severely handicapped).

I don’t know if it’s a lack of ability or laziness (I like to eat on the lounge when I get home from work because I’m exhausted,  and eating when on an incline definitely creates a new challenge).

Anyway,  so after work today I decided to be disgusting and get myself a Big Mac meal from Micky D’s.  Now,  the fact I decided to indulge in Mc D’s SOBER is not the new low I shall regail – it is what happened after.

I take it home,  sit back with my legs up on the chaise and set up my burger and fries on my tummy.

(LIKE A FAT FUCKING WALRUS, YEAH YEAH).

I don’t wash myself with a rag on a stick…. yet….

Then,  as I take a bite into the freakin Big Mac,  a glob of sauce drips down and lands straight into my ample cleavage.

I actually couldn’t find any images of food in cleavage – what is wrong with you internet?!

I would think a normal person would immediately wipe the mess away,  I mean c’mon that’s gross right?!

What do I do:  dip my fucking chips in it and eat it.

Saving the environment, or something something?

And that my friends,  is how you stoop to a new low just when you thought you couldn’t get any lazier.

Nonsense Unicorn

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Author: nonsenseunicorn

Just another twenty-something year old making sense out of madness. Boom.

11 thoughts on “Stooping to a (delicious) new low

  1. hahahaha that froggie, what he says is pure gold. Cause it’s half true. Except I never eat it. I watch it fall out of my shirt at the end of the night and wonder if I’ll ever be able to eat without my tits carrying around half my food.

  2. I dunno if this will make you feel any better but my goatee frequently acts as a flavor & food saver.

    Not quite the same I admit but it’s the best I can come up with.

    On a side note, if my wife did it I would have been more than happy to dip some chips into it!

  3. Should have asked, I always tend to have food in my cleavage and can share a pic.
    My favourite is popcorn. Yay movies!

  4. Boobs are very useful tools – my mother never ate a meal without feeding her boobs as well! One of my fondest memories! I tend to get food in my hair mostly.

  5. Serious issue.. My cleavage catches everything I eat, no matter where I am or how I’m sitting/standing. On a tipical night I can take my bra off to find a full meal in there… :-\

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