Well I got soap in my eyes (what’s new?) and while struggling to find the shelf to put the soap back on, I started wondering what it would be like to be blind.
If you know anything about me by now, its that I’m all sorts of awkward and clumsy. I can’t remember the last time my shins didn’t have a single bruise. So add blindness onto that and Jesus, I’d be fucked. I’d need a blind persons stick, guide dog and bubble wrap for my shins (and elbows and head..)!
I’ve never met a blind person, although I did used to work with a guy with one eye. I couldn’t remember which one it was but I’d always stare at the same one. Hopefully I was staring at his functioning one because I guess staring at his fake one is considered rude? If a pirate is wearing an eye patch, do you stare at the functioning eye, or the patch?! Might have to google some pics and test that out..
Anyway one eye must be ok to live with because he would drive and everything. I often wondered how that worked because don’t you need two for depth perception? When I first used a bow and arrow, they told me to close one eye and shoot. I hit the ground in front of the target. I’ll blame depth perception for that… Haha! Fun fact about Rambling Goat – I’ve since done archery lessons and can now hit the target. One of my many useless life skills.
I don’t think I’d have a problem with wearing an eye patch, in fact, stuff the black ones, I’d make all kinds of cool patterned fabric ones. Skull and cross bones are sooo 2013. If anyone wants to steal my idea and make eye patches fashionable for the blind, feel free. I’m too lazy to be bothered starting a business. I do however wish to be sent at least 2 different ones (I won’t wear them at the same time though!)
And on a side note to that business idea, you may have to add a Braille label so they know what colour they’re wearing. Heaven forbid they put a red eye patch with a blue dress! :O No but seriously, how do you describe paisley to a blind person?! That’s a tough one.
Well I guess blind people can’t *read* this blog as I didn’t make a Braille version and send it in the post. Or do apps exist that translate pages and speak it in a cool voice? My old navman was John Cleese, it was epic! And just loudly, hearing John Cleese read out my ‘pussy power’ post would be the greatest thing ever. Well, after beer, cheese, orgasms, the smell of rain on bitumen.. Ok fine its pretty far down the list but whatever, it’d be hilarious.
You guys might have some answers to my blind questions (if you do, feel free to answer):
1. Do blind people shave their legs (and other regions)?
2. Do blind men go to barber shops to keep the face hair-free or do they just grow beards?
3. Do blind people still say they’re ‘watching’ TV?
4. Do blind people cook?
5. Do blind people realise when they’ve had a dodgy haircut? My worst was a black Gothic pageboy look that I definitely did NOT ask for.
6. Do blind people care what colour clothes they wear? I don’t wear yellow because it makes me look like an elephant sat on my face (red and blotchy) but if I was blind, I imagine I wouldn’t know that..