Turning Lamebos Into Rainbows

Rambling Goat and Nonsense Unicorn present… The Awesome Person's Guide to Life


She freaky toilet pee

I was giggling and in confusion about our latest search term on here:


NU responded to my questioning with these lovely diagrams LOL enjoy!




So thankyou to whoever found us through searching ‘she freaky toilet pee’, you’ve entertained us! If you happen to come back, NU’s drawings might tickle your fancy ūüėÄ

Rambling Goat (and Nonsense Unicorn)



Halloween – A celebration of fear


Well it’s Halloween and I’m listening to the radio while I have my breakfast. It’s a local radio station run by volunteers in a stoner community so its pretty hilarious to listen to. They say things like ‘ohh it’ll be raining so if you’re going to have a BBQ you might want to rethink that’ – that was the entirety of the weather report one day.

Anyway they’ve been playing ‘scary’ music which is pretty funny. But amidst the tunes of Monster Mash and Haunting (by Evanescence)  I heard the presenter say that Halloween is a day where we should remember our ancestors. I disagree. Keep that for another day.

Halloween is a celebration of fear. Although we don’t have the costumes and parties as much in Australia, it shouldn’t stop us contemplating the notion of fear. Don’t get me wrong, I love the idea of dia de Muertos (31st Oct to 2nd Nov) but I’m pretty sure the Nov 1-2 is for remembering ancestors. Phew!

I really truly think we should appreciate fear. If we didn’t fear anything, a lot of us would be doing a lot of stupid things and ultimately dying sooner rather than later. Jump out of a plane with no parachute? Yep! No fear! Lather yourself in fish juice and swim with sharks? Oh yeah!

Fear keeps the blood pumping, it keeps us entertained. Everyone is scared of something (or more likely quite a few things), but its normal and actually keeps life interesting.

I encourage you to take it the next step though, do something you’re scared of. Don’t throw logic out the window and do something stupid, but step out of your comfort zone a little. It could be as simple as watching a scary movie or playing a scary video game (there’s quite a good list here http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/10/29/scary-video-games-2014-2015_n_6068592.html?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000022).

I look at my grandad (mid 80’s) who locks up all his doors and windows all the time and think fear is controlling him. If someone wanted to break in, there’s nothing stopping them smashing a window. There’s also nothing stopping someone from knifing me at the shops. My grandad was actually a black belt in judo so although old, he’s probably far better off in a burglar situation than another old man.

So I say do something you fear and *appreciate* the feeling of fear. Unlock that window, even if just for a few hours. Watch a scary movie, even if you have to sit up watching cartoons afterwards. Go and buy and play a scary game, even if it means you’ll need to pause it until your mini heart attack subsides – right NU?

When I was younger, we would drive past the local scary (abandoned and overgrown) house at night and contemplate opening the gate. “I’ll open it and you can walk in first”. “No way! I’m not going in there! I’ll open the gate and you can go in!” Needless to say, we never went in. We sat in the car outside the house being scared. But it was fun to be scared.

So do what you want to do but just revel in the fact that you’re outside your comfort zone and its not always a bad thing.

Happy Halloween guys, having fun being scared!

Rambling Goat


Questions to Life #6

1. If bugs fly towards light at night, does this mean they fly towards the sun in the day?!
2. Why are quilt cover companies still attaching buttons for us to do the end up with?!?!?! Did they miss the memo about those click-together buttons?!
3. Why are plastic bags so noisy? They’re so thin they’re basically non existent yet can put out so much noise.. Anyone who has backpacked will truly know the annoyance of plastic bags! Bonus annoyance points if the 6am plastic bag wakeup call is accompanied by thongs (the shoe kind) slapping on the floor. I would literally prefer to listen to people having sex in the room to a placco bag wakeup call.
4. Did cavemen/cavewomen cut their hair? I’ve never seen a person with long dreadlocks running, they always seem to be quite slow. It *could* be due to the weed they smoke or maybe I’m onto something here and dreadies actually slow you down. If you’re a caveperson being chased by a bear, you’re going to need to run.


See that, short hair!

I’m imagining there was a hairdresser called Grug..

Rambling Goat


Trouble in PolyTown

Well of course my perfect life wouldn’t be perfect. Its laughable to think it’d all work out. If you’re wondering why I’ve been quiet, there’s a slight shit storm brewing. Let me explain.

Background info:
*I’ve started dating the hulk again.
*We have a long distance, semi-polyamorous relationship (he is fine with me dating/sexing women but not men yet).
*He agreed that together we would work to a fully open relationship one step at a time, and would get there by my holiday in august next year. I’m going to the lovely US of A for Burning Man, Vegas, and some catch ups with blogging friends.
*Open isn’t enough for me, I want full poly, but I figure it’s a start.
*He is fine with me having cheeky/dirty convos with other men and sending them cheeky pics.
*We have a history that goes back 6 years now.
*It won’t be long distance for too much longer, once I finish renovating this house (january-ish), I’ll be moving back in with him.

So ok, right before we got back together I spent time with DD (daddy Dom). Although he started as a SD (sugar daddy), I felt that the money and offering of gifts made me feel guilty. We got into more of a DD/LG (little girl) relationship where he cared for me and gave me rules like saying goodnight every night before I went to bed.

I say ‘relationship’ but really, when I started dating the hulk again I was totally upfront with DD. We couldn’t play for now but maybe in the future we could again. We had started as friends, moved to fwbs, and were kind of at this D/S DD/LG sexless horny friends point. There was no hard feelings or problems when I told DD I was no longer single, he was very mature about the whole thing. He just wants to see me happy.

Anyway, the hulk wasn’t cool with me sexing guys so I stuck to my word and didn’t meet up with DD again. I did however carry on cheeky convos and talking about memories of my and DD’s playtimes. He managed to Dom me through text and tell me which toys to play with, how and for how long. Not quite the same as him being here but hey, he did the best he could without stepping on anyone’s toes.

We spoke everyday and got quite close. He’s kinky so let’s me embrace my wild side and we had some interesting convos, sharing articles, erotica and fetishy photos found online (as well as tease type black and whites). The hulk however is fairly vanilla and is uncomfortable discussing open relationships and fetishes. So that distanced us a little and I became ever closer to DD.

The hulk came up last weekend and took me away to a riverside cabin down the coast. We discussed our relationship. He asked if I was getting close to someone. I said “yes, I have a friend that I’m pretty close with and have feelings for. If we were poly I would consider dating him”.

He asked if he knew the friend. I said yes. He then tries to guess who it is and starts getting worked up, especially when I refuse to partake in this guessing game. We talk it through calmly and logically (you should know that’s my style by now!), and he tells me I’ve broken his trust and he feels uncomfortable.

I tell him I feel like I can’t be my true self in front of him because he doesn’t like discussing anything kinky or about open/poly relationships. He lets me discuss what I want and reacts relatively positively. Yay, progress! He’ll never get to DD’s level, but at least he’s open to more fun.

Then he brings up DD again.
“I need you to stop talking to him.”
“No chance, he’s my friend.”
“Well at least tell him you just want to be friends, don’t lead him on. You should have told me the second you got feelings for him, I’ve lost your trust now.”

I really truly despise being controlled. And feeling like I’m being punished for being honest. I say “I can totally understand why people cheat now. I haven’t slept with him while we’ve been back together, I’ve told you all this honestly and I feel like I’m being punished for it. I’m poly. Just because I’ve got feelings for someone else, doesn’t mean I’ve stopped loving you or want to leave you for him. I’m happy to have you both with you being my primary. I wouldn’t date him just he and I, and I wouldn’t move in with him. He’s secondary to you. Any sort of relationship I have with him doesn’t affect our relationship, but not allowing me to talk about things I like does.”

Somewhere in the conversation I bring up that I’d like to go to couples counselling. He agrees.

Drama over? Nope.
While we were away, DD put $400 in my account. I mentioned to him in passing last week that my bank balance was in the negative and I was ignoring calls from the bank. He bugged me for 2 days for my account details. He told me he’d put in a couple of hundred and it could just sit there for when bills came in and I had no money. Finally I relented. What I thought would be 200 turned out to be 400. Gosh, he truly is lovely.


I noticed the money there after telling him I’m going to have to distance myself a little and stick to friends for the sake of the hulk. He said that’s ok but no more DD/LG, no more pet names, no more cheeky texts. It killed me but I understood it was necessary to enter the friendzone in order to keep the hulk happy.

Seeing as the hulk wanted honesty, I told him about the money. “Give it back. If you need money just ask me.” Well I tried, but DD wouldn’t give me his bank details. He told me he knew we were only friends but friends help each other when they are in need. I chatted with another friend about it and they reminded me that my money was my money. I decided to just stop bugging him for his details and keep it. The hulk shouldn’t be controlling me like that.

So this is where I sit now. About to start couples counselling (so I feel like my views and needs are being heard too), friendzoned with DD (which I feel especially awful about because he just found out his only parent has cancer and his job will most likely be made redundant soon), and being kept real busy with work.

I’m still here reading what all of you are up to but I’m just trying to keep my feet on the ground so I don’t float away with all the drama. Mostly this is achieved with work and sleep so sorry for taking so long to get through your posts. Feel free to console/scald/enlighten/entertain/arouse/distract/high 5 me or make me laugh by showing me a clip of a baby goat jumping off another goats back ūüėÄ More posts coming soon, promise!

Rambling Goat


Procrastination, you sneaky son of a gun

I have a report due in 14 hours and here I am writing a blog post.  Procrastination,  you win again!

Are you mocking me, interwebs?!

I do this with every assignment or exam, ¬†“just do a little bit every day and then you won’t be so stressed when it’s due!”

“Next time, start earlier! ¬†Future NU will thank you for it!”

“Stop being a lazy mofo and get motivated!”

I always seem to find a way to talk myself out of doing the “smart” thing and getting it done periodically. ¬†Is my brain so smart that I just outsmart my smarts all the time?

“Sure, play playstation for now! You’ll totally get the report done laaaater!”

Or, ¬†it’s moreover that I’m just an unmotivated lazy mofo who can’t get out of old habits.

Moral of the Story

Next time, ¬†I WILL start earlier! ……right after I finish this level on The Evil Within…..

This pointless blog is lazily brought to you by

Nonsense Unicorn


A Priest Came On My Face

……okay so he wasn’t really a priest. ¬†But he could be?! ¬†And when I was thinking of the story that follows, ¬†I couldn’t help but LOL at that thought…

Let me regale you a tale of one of my first obsessions: ¬†the¬†Watermelon. ¬†We first met when we were somewhere between 14 and 16 (my younger existence is a blur to me) ¬†thanks to RG’s talking to randoms online. ¬†(Ah msn and ICQ, ¬†what would our teenhoods be without you?) ¬†Anyway, ¬†I recall being quite mesmerised by the tall, blonde, friendly guy from the start. ¬†We would talk online about games, music and philosophy (I always wondered if he was philosophical or unnecessarily convoluted – either way it was entertaining). ¬†When we got our driver’s licence we would all drive out and hang in the car pack of Krispy Kremes (cos that’s the cool thing to do, ¬†right?) ¬†In a nutshell, ¬†a small group of us from one side of the tracks became good friends with a small group of dudes from the west.

¬† Wondering why we call him the¬†watermelon? ¬†Well, ¬†he is a bit on the religious side (if you didn’t gather from the title) and as such we are pretty damn convinced that he still holds his V card. ¬†You know the term, ¬†“pop your cherry?” ¬†Well, ¬†a virgin cherry that stays stagnant for so long slowly grows bigger into a watermelon. ¬†Boom.

Years went by, ¬†there was a period of time where we both had partners so of course I never fathomed anything to ever happen when I was with someone else. ¬†But he was always this¬†enigma¬†at the back of my mind. ¬†You know, ¬†kinda like that “one that got away” or some crap like that? ¬†Blah blah anyway, ¬†around the age of 21 we both coincidentally became single around the same time and ended up at a friends party (which was a freakin awesome party in a barn, ¬†drinking scorpion tequila and hot spa and dancing and awesomeness in a can).

The First Encounter

The party was quite a while away from where I lived and I had to work in the morning. ¬†I should have gone home with some friends who were driving, ¬†but drunk NU thought it would be totally legit to keep partying on and catch a train to work in the morning (when you’re that age and alcohol fueled you can justify anything). ¬†We partied on until we began to tire and a group of about 5 of us (including watermelon) chilled out in our friends room. ¬†I slumped on the couch next to Watermelon and he reached his arm around my shoulder and nuzzled me into his chest – cue possible heart attack! ¬†I think our friend was onto something, ¬†called it a night and told Watermelon and I to take the mattress on the floor and the rest will sleep on the couch or his bed (all in the same room, mind you).

So everyone went to sleep. ¬†We rested our heads upon the pillow, ¬†Watermelon ¬†quietly pulls me towards him and kisses me. ¬†I remember thinking¬†OMFG I can’t believe this is happening. ¬†We kiss for a millennia, ¬†he fumbles with my boobs and fumbles more down below while I graze upon his shaft through our clothes. ¬†Yep, ¬†we kissed and fumbled for hours.

He was definitely a fumbly Joe, ¬†but you know how sometimes you’re just so into someone that you kinda don’t really mind that they’re not that bad cos you’re totally fulfilling a long-baked fantasy and don’t wanna ruin it?

Anyway, ¬†that’s all that happened and I left hungover as shit at 6am in the morning and went to work hours away. ¬†We never really spoke about that night, ¬†it was like it never happened when we would meet again to hang out or at parties.

The Night I Should Have Sexed Him

I think it was my 23rd birthday party – ¬†girls in corsets and bounds of alcoholic goodness to be had. ¬†The party goes on into the night and Watermelon’s friends are ready to leave. ¬†However, ¬†he decides to stay back (even though he lived quite far away and it wasn’t easy to get there without a car from my place). ¬†I said “yeah that’s cool, ¬†I’ll drive you home in the morning!” being the suck up that I can be to this enigmatic boy that made my loins and heart tingle.

(Although I’m way over it now, ¬†the next part remains one of the “Top Sexy Moments” to date)

The party slows down, ¬†people disperse, ¬†and its only me and Watermelon on the dancefloor bopping around like idiots (oh and another friend that kinda liked me in the kitchen talking to my mum – I feel bad about that but it’s a different story). ¬†Then Nights in White Satin comes on the juke box. ¬†Watermelon slinks closer to me, ¬†puts his hand on my waist and the other in my hand and begins to slowly waltz with me. ¬†Now, ¬†I’m generally not a romantic soppy person, ¬†but one guilty lame¬†fantasy I always dream of is for a man to slow dance with me. ¬†And he did. ¬†Then, ¬†like in some stupid movie, ¬†leans in and¬†kisses me passionately. ¬†I was all WTF! ¬†(It must have been the blood red corset, perhaps?) ¬†My insides were a flutter, ¬†it felt so silly and surreal and awesome. ¬†Sleep time arose, ¬†and I showed him to my room.

He popped into my bed and I told him to hide his face while I sneakily changed into my pyjamas (more like silky nighie, ¬†cos that’s totes casual and what I always wear, right?!) ¬†Apologising for my single bed, ¬†I slink in next to him. ¬†Blah blah, ¬†of course he puts his¬†arms around me and continues to kiss me. ¬†His hands slowly slip under the sleeve of my nightie, pulling them down until my breasts pop out and his mouth moves to their attention. ¬†This was getting pretty sweet, ¬†so I moved my hands down to slip off his underwear to reveal a hard¬†banana dick. YEP. ¬†It completely bent up almost to his belly button! ¬†I’d never seen one like that before, ¬†it was so amusing and interesting!

Hands and mouths all over the place, ¬†after trying to build up the guts I finally whisper in his ear something along the lines of “I want you inside me”. ¬†(Is that what you’re meant to say? Ah who knows, I’ve never been good at this sexy stuff).

I remember him hesitating for a moment and then asking with an esteemed groan, “…do you have protection?”

OF COURSE I DIDN’T MOTHER FLIPPIN’ DIPPIN FUCK. No….. ¬†so we continued to fumble away, ¬†I took his banana in my mouth and I recall him in a panic “fuck I’m going to cum!” and landing half in my mouth and half in my eyeball.


And that was that, ¬†we slept, ¬†I took him home the next morning and it was as though nothing had really happened… ¬†I think I must have totally freaked him out or something, ¬†because now the watermelon is becoming a priest. ¬†I guess that’s a tale to tell – the time I almost took the virginity of a priest?! ¬†Even though he technically isn’t one yet anyway something something….

I’m completely over the Enigma that is the Watermelon now – moved on and accepted a long time ago that it’s just¬†one of those weird connecty people things that happens in life. ¬†But still, ¬†I can’t help but continue to wonder if the watermelon will ever be juiced….I was so close! ¬†If only my powers of persuasion were better formed at that time…..

Moral of the Story:

– ¬†don’t be put off my an unachievable goal, ¬†always do your best, ¬†even if you only get half way!

Рalways have protection on ya,  cos you never know what kind of watermelon can pop up next!

Nonsense Unicorn