Turning Lamebos Into Rainbows

Rambling Goat and Nonsense Unicorn present… The Awesome Person's Guide to Life

So apparently I’m 17 again..


That dreaded 10 year high school reunion we’ve been mentioning has now been and gone. And of course your trusty Rambling Goat was going to make it eventful..

I guess some background info for my school is that it was pretty superficial. It’s not necessarily a rich area, but it’s in a secluded (of their own choice) region and most people love the area so much that they never leave. I went to a Catholic school, and although some were religious, I think most people chose this school because it was private as opposed to a public school. My family isn’t religious in the slightest.

The girls weren’t exactly bitchy but fashionably speaking, I didn’t match. They wore dresses on casual clothes days (we wore a uniform normally), had long hair, wore makeup, drank girly drinks and loved Mariah Carey. I used to wear baggy Jean shorts with a chain, a white singlet, didn’t have a clue about makeup and listened to Blink 182 and Linkin Park. FYI, I did go through a very brief dress and heel phase when I turned 18 and started going to bars, and can still pull it off, but its not my thing.

The girls in school were all giving themselves x amount of years to find a husband, and would talk about how good it would be to find a rich man. I was a bright coloured jeans and converse type girl with a ciggy hangin out my mouth and snorting speed off the back of a toilet cistern (at work, not school). So needless to say, I wasn’t exactly in the same mind frame. I had guy friends, would get no sleep, would go raving, would sleep in religion class, get detention etc etc.

So the reunion, where do I start.. Ok well I ran late for predrinks. Which I blame mostly on the sugar daddy sending me into subspace right before I was meant to leave, but I’m also going to blame it on traffic too.

The predrinks went well, I’d even got into convos about how slutty an ex-friend now is and listened to a thin girl tell me she needs to lose weight without too much twitching. Now for the minor detail which would make the night interesting – we were drinking champagne. I’d normally drink beer but the champers was there and free. Aaaand I didn’t drink beers because they wanted my help drinking the champagne.


We got to the bar and after passing ‘popular’ girls done up with makeup, fancy clothes and screaming (to which I responded “oh my god”), Nonsense Unicorn and I hastily made our way to the toilets. Yes, we went to school together if you didn’t know 🙂 In the toilets this blonde bimbo poked her head in and did the kind of ‘hello’ that screamed ‘I don’t give a shit about you losers’. In this moment I knew the night was going to suck balls.

I was wearing no makeup, just had my hair out (and probably still had sex hair) and was wearing burgundy jeans, some awesome sneakers I got in Germany, a singlet and biker jacket. For someone who doesn’t give a fuck, I was starting to give a fuck.. Or maybe its better described as ‘whyyyy the fuck am I here again?!’. I’ve done nothing in 10 years, I smell like sex (from a sugar daddy no less), I probably look like an old hag thanks to no makeup and the strange lighting, but hey, gotta suck it up and do the walk of no shame through the crowd of superficial tools.

I got to see a bunch of nerdier girl friends from school who are lovely, and to be honest I hid there with them as long as I could. During this time, somehow rounds had started with the predrinks girls and I was drinking vodka-and-some-nonsense with a straw. All I wanted was beer but I figured I’d just go along with it – adding a third type of drink in the mix would end badly. Probably with vomit.


I spotted a guy friend, then everything after that is hazy and/or missing from my memory. I remember seeing a best friend I had during high school, a bunch of people talking about getting married, engaged and/or having kids, some girl talking to me for 10 mins before I worked out who she was, smoking with one of the naughty boys from school (I haven’t smoked in years! WTF!), getting kicked out of the bar, then waking up at NU’s place. I was half naked on a blowup bed on the floor with dirt in the bed.

So what happened? Well apparently, the best friend from school bought me a bunch of drinks (still vodka), as did the guy friend, and then I was spotted doing shots with the naughty boy (I refuse to do shots at all now because they make me vomit so again, WTF?). Then after getting kicked out of the bar and NU yelling obscenities to the bouncer (aren’t friends the best? 😀 ), we went to the train station where once again in my life, cops saw me plastered. We went to the park where I vommed into the bushes, then got a taxi where I vommed out the door, and got back to NU’s house where I fell out on the ground and rolled around in the dirt under a tree in the pouring rain.

So… I guess that went well?

What lesson did I learn? That although I’ve basically done nothing in 10 years and not only looked and smelled of sex and vomit on a night when I probably should have put more effort in, I still have no shame. Apparently this classy bitch is still young so I’m going to bloody well act like it (whether I like it or not..).

Rambling Goat


Author: ramblingg0at

Life loves to set me up for its own entertainment. But instead of me hiding these awkward moments, I plan on sharing them for my own (and possibly your) amusement. Now who's laughing, life?

5 thoughts on “So apparently I’m 17 again..

  1. “snorting speed off the back of a toilet cistern” lmao…oh…we would’ve gotten along great at 17 😀 …and I love that you and NU went to high school together! I had no idea. Fabulous…
    Here’s my question though…I’m DREADING my high school reunion next year…why’d you decide to go? I couldn’t care less about how many babies Tina has…or who got married to who…BORING. So what made you say “peace out” to Sugar Daddy rather than enjoying the multiple O’s he provided?

    • Yeah it was a tough decision that took a while, I guess there was a bit of curiosity but like I just said to ray, I just wanted to hang with guy friends without their gfs being there. Just hang out like old times.

      Turns out only 1 of the 4 went and although it was good seeing him, I had to put up with a bunch of convos with tools about how awesome they were until he got there. Everyone looks old and is married with kids, it was pretty fucked.

      My suggestion is go, but stay with friends. As soon as you mingle with the crowd you’ll want to get plastered like I did. Get a hotel room close by so you don’t have to stick around if it goes pear shaped. Our taxi trip back cost $120 cos the train was half an hr wait and I was already vomiting, my bad. Hotel room would have been wayyy easier to get to and I honestly would probably have left earlier.

      But do it. If nothing else, you’ll have a legit excuse to get plastered and can turn it into a blog post 😛

  2. Those bouncers were douchebags!

    And tell me about it about the “weight” thing – love those girls, but MAN they need to chill! Especially cos I’m so meh about it, they make me feel like jabba the hut!

  3. Ha what a story! You are always entertaining.

    I’ve never been to a high school reunion. I don’t even think anyone I know has ever gone to a high school reunion. It’s like a plot of a tv show but I’ve never been in the scene to actually go to one of those. Sounds like you aren’t in the scene either – and good for you, those people sound awful. Still that’s interesting that you went. Out of morbid curiosity, must have been interesting to see lame people from high school. But also terrible. In this case I fully encourage drinking yourself to oblivion.

    • Hehe thanks Ray. My dad didn’t go to one of his and regretted it so told me I should definitely go. I mainly went because I wanted to see 4 good guy friends that always seem to have gfs (aka wet blankets) but only 1 was there. It’s hard being a girl friend of a guy with a girlfriend, I thought the no partners event would be fun, I was wrong. All convos went to kids and marriage, it was fucked.

      And yes, just seeing people was fucking intense – everyone looked old except for a few good friends (which looked exactly the same weirdly enough?) At any rate, I won’t be going again, and I won’t be drinking vodka anymore.

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