Turning Lamebos Into Rainbows

Rambling Goat and Nonsense Unicorn present… The Awesome Person's Guide to Life

Age isn’t a bitch, your perception is the bitch.


Look, people need to get over this daunting thing called age/getting older/growing up.

People feel pressure to do *x* by age *y* and its ridiculous. Yes, time exists. Do I care? Not really. And I’ll tell you why;

1. Based on our life expectancy, I’m going to go ahead and say that your 20’s are the new teens, 30’s are the new 20’s and 40’s are the new 30’s. You’ve just gained another 10 years so people need to *stop freaking out*. And actually thats a 10 year MINIMUM because I read recently that Gen Y’s are going to live on average to 120! Faaarrrrkkk! 93 years left to roam the earth! So we’re all gaining 10-40 years on current life expectancies (80’s). Mind. Blown.

2. You could die tomorrow. Sorry that was a bit morbid. On the other extreme, you could end up getting the Guiness World Record for oldest person alive 😀

3. There will always be people compatible for partnership. ‘Theres no one left’ is fucking bullshit. Scuse the french. Oh boo hoo, guys want younger women. Well guess what ladies, you’re a ‘younger woman’ to someone. Don’t give me that ‘but old men have brill cream in their hair’ look. There’s some mighty fine mature men around. Or get in touch with your inner cougar. Or be so awesome and enthralling that men your age wont be able to say no to you.

Men, don’t just dismiss women in your age range, you’ve got a nasty reputation for doing that. My 82 year old nan used to use RSVP and I asked her how it was going. “Oh good but all these men want younger women.. This guy is in his 90’s but it says here he’s only interested in women in their 70’s! When you’re my age it’s all the bloody same!” For the record she did chat to a few fellas and said “they’re only interested in sex!! They blatantly ask for it!”. Woah, it seems men’s libido (and brash pickup techniques) never dies.

Anyway, getting sidetracked.. My point is even at 82 you can go on rsvp to meet new people. So when you consider the young, the older, the unlucky in love, the divorced, the widowed and the polyamorous (gotta love the polys!), there’s plenty of ‘fresh meat’ out there. As soon as you freak out and act desperate, that sexy flock of birds has scattered and left a couple of shits on you. Sorry its almost 1am, my analogies are terrible hahaha.

4. Girls, you can still have kids in your 40’s. If you’ve got money, there’s IVF too. And if you’re a real lover of all children, go for adoption or foster care. Or you can freeze your eggs earlier on and use a surrogate later in life when you’re ready. Or just have kids before you have a partner. There’s plenty of options.

If you’re not into kids, cool, don’t bother. I hear in america there’s pet monkeys and as a comedian said recently “if you’ve got to the point of having a monkey, why not just have a kid? Its basically the same.” Well, its a good point but pets are pretty rad. So why not get a pet monkey? Or dog. Or cat. Or 30 cats. And yeah I can make the ‘crazy cat lady’ joke cos my aunty legit owned 20+ cats (probably still does). The house stunk. But she loved rescuing them so good for her.

5. You can still do whatever you want at whatever age. The other day I had a double chip sandwich (crisps and fries, with some tomato sauce) and it was miiiiiighty tasty. Don’t stick with stereotypes of how we ‘should act our age’. I do what a waaant.

Ok here’s my conclusion.
Age is just a stupid number that tells us how many times the world has gone around the sun while we’ve been here. Who the fuck cares? I personally think my interests and experiences are more important.

Rambling Goat


Author: ramblingg0at

Life loves to set me up for its own entertainment. But instead of me hiding these awkward moments, I plan on sharing them for my own (and possibly your) amusement. Now who's laughing, life?

15 thoughts on “Age isn’t a bitch, your perception is the bitch.

  1. I love this post! I completely relate to it. Apparently, I don’t “act my age”, but many of the women that do are boring and in sad relationships. Who the hell wants that?

  2. Fark indeed!! I quite agree with the part about adding ten years. Post-puberty, I think in an increasingly complex world it takes that much longer to ‘grow up’ (whatever that really means) and it’s perfectly acceptable to be a 30-something acting like a 20-something. If you even want to use those labels at all. We are living longer so we get that much more time to enjoy life before the settling down thing if you so choose, so enjoy your allocated here on earth!

    Who gets to tell other people how to act? As long as you’re taking care of yourself and not hurting anyone else, stop with the judging and labels about maturity. Fare all that shite.

    However, when it comes to the romantic comparability thing let me play the devil’s advocate. In extreme cases, age can matter a bit. First of all: not to disparage cougars or whatever there is nothing wrong with that. Live and let live, everyone should enjoy what they like without judgment. I happen to have had great experiences with older women by the way 😀

    Age is analogue, not digital. There’s no magic point the second you go from 29 to 30 or 39 to 40 when everything changes. The differences in ages are general, fuzzy. There are people who are 21 and are basically adults and want to settle down, there are people who are late bloomers graduate college at 32 and it’s all good.

    What I think is that it gets weird when you have power disparities, more than age disparities. If a wealthy 50 year old is sleeping with a 17 year old student, for example, there is definitely something manipulative going on and that is not cool. While everyone matures at a different rate, to truly be consensual the power gap should not be too wide. That’s just my moral stance, anyway. Perhaps I’ve sidetracked.

    • If the 50 year old and 17 year old are truly happy (it could happen?) then it shouldn’t matter. I used to think that about sugar daddies – I felt sorry for these older men getting used by young materialistic girls. Or like you said, older men manipulating younger girls. But thank you WordPress blogs for I have seen the light! Truth is, they’re happy on both sides. They’re both getting something out of it and the power is therefore equal.

      It actually sounds soppy but it warms my heart to see two people who are a perfect match for each other like Daddy Dom/baby girl, master/slave, Dom/Sub etc (thank you bdsm bloggers for opening my mind!)

      There’s all different kinds of relationships but as long as everyone is happy with the arrangement then who are we to judge? Age therefore is irrelevant.

      I used to date an aggressive alcoholic, and although the age difference wasn’t that big, the power scale was skewed in his favour. Manipulation and power disparities (that you’re not ok with) can happen at any age and be from either gender. Don’t like it? Get out of there. Having a relationship should be a positive in your life, if its more negative than positive, why bother?

  3. I don’t think anyone should ever trust a fart….

    But anyways!

    I find this to be so true. It’s a mind game; I’m 26, but some days I feel 40, others 14. When I’m 30 I’ll probably feel like I’m still in my 20s. I’m pretty rad like that.

    • My dad was just commenting on how the word in a song sounded like ‘shart’ so I informed him what shart meant 😀 it was something about starting a war, so I told him I doubt a shart could start a war 😉 teehee!

  4. Hahaha that’s the best.

    Although my declining eye sight and creeping bones tells me I may not be able to rage for too much longer hehe

  5. I read an article one time that listed reasons why it was biologically more logical for older women to date significantly younger guys. I thought it was interesting but didn’t think too much about it. Now though, Ann is not an insignificant number of years older than me and we get along fantastically. So, what’s in an age? As long as everyone’s happy (and legally consenting), who cares? 🙂

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