Turning Lamebos Into Rainbows

Rambling Goat and Nonsense Unicorn present… The Awesome Person's Guide to Life

Guys love Men

3 Comments

Ok not *exactly* but I’m basically a man and guys love it.

Here’s some non-girly attributes of mine:
*I love video games and own an Xbox. Mortal Kombat and Gta5 are favourites.
*I choose to watch sport on TV. No stupid vampire shows get airtime in this house!
*I love beer. So much so that I home brew my own and am doing a brewing course next year. Yep, I want to own my own brewery in the near future.
*I enjoy kicking a footy around and playing soccer (I played soccer all through school).
*I had a gun licence for a couple of years and although the Buddhist in me means I don’t shoot animals, I’m a kickarse shot on a target.
*I love playing darts and drinking games.
*I have a pet snake and am not afraid of spiders. In fact, I leave the big ones in my house; they eat all the flying bugs!
*I’m not emotionally devoid but my logical thinking/rational problem solving beats emotion most times. I’m pretty chilled.
*I perve on girls. And also try to crack onto them.

Let it be known at this point that I’m not a butch lesbian. I look like a girl (albeit in jeans and sneakers), and I love being a girl. I even have long hair at the moment (I’m always changing style/colour). I just don’t enjoy the classic ‘girly’ things. I’m a tomboy through and through.

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Cara Delevingne repping the tomboys

I am in no way trying to de-masculinise men, its not a ‘girl beats boy at boy thing’ scenario – I enjoy this stuff *with* them. No, I don’t need to go get my nails done or take over an hr to get ready to go out. I just roll out of bed, chuck some clothes on, smile (by far the best attribute of people), and go hang out with people.

I assume from a mans perspective, a girl that can keep up with them is an awesome friend. But if they’re lucky, she might just be a hot friend that they can also have sex with. And hey, there might even be a relationship in there somewhere (just not the conventional boy-and-girl-get-married-and-are-monogamous type with me..).

I’m still a girl in some respects. Like I can carry a fence post but do you think I can open a salsa jar?! No chance. I’m not sure how old ladies do it! And I occasionally watch shows like Ellen, Oprah, Rupaul’s Drag Race, Project Runway, and Britain’s Next Top Model. But check out what I’m rewarded with :O
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But I do have a bone to pick with men. I think you’re getting girlier. Most male pop songs are about heartbreak. It makes me want to vomit. Fine, have emotions but stop whining about everything. It sounds like what I hear in the women’s bathroom at a bar at 2am. It didn’t work out, cool story bro. Move on. This shit happens all the time, its called looking for a suitable partner – you find a lot that aren’t suitable and there’s nothing wrong with that.

While you’re singing a sad tale about breakups, I’m considering emptying my dog’s anal glands (apparently they’re blocked and she’s scooting around the floor). Well don’t worry, the vet did it and I’m mighty glad; that shit STINKS. This is reality. This is where my head is at, not crying myself to sleep cos someone dumped me. And this is what men used to be like, rational.

Am I being too harsh? I just think times are changing and we’re losing our bearded macho men who cut down trees and fix cars and now have men who can’t get their shoes wet in a puddle because they’ll ‘get ruined’. Are we slowly creating a role reversal?

Well I don’t want to sound like a complete judgemental bitch so in return for that (keep the karma even), I’ll list 3 delightfully stupid moments from 2 weeks ago (I had them jotted down here but didn’t finish this post till now):
*I was cooking my breakfast in a saucepan on a gas cooker and had cut up some of the ingredients for it on a plate and then sat it in the sink. Somehow I managed to bump the saucepan and it flipped 180 degrees and landed upside down on the plate. Hoooooly shit! If it was finished cooking that would have been the single greatest plating up manoeuvre evvvooorrrr!
*I was standing on a pile of logs, hosing a garden. I was wearing thongs, as per usual. I hosed my feet, then while thinking ‘well this just became mighty slippery and hard to balance’, I sneezed. Fumbling ensued and I grabbed a log near my feet. Real smart RG, reeeeeal smart.
*I’d just poured a beer and sat down after a long day. It was all crisp and cold but before I had a chance to drink some, I sneezed. Right into it. And then kept drinking it. Dammit it all lives in there somewhere anyway and I don’t want to get up and pour another one.

Oh and while on the thongs topic (not g-strings, the foot kind), I kid you not, my thong got a splinter the other day. What’s wrong with that you ask? It was in the top! Not the sole! So it stabbed me in the bottom of my foot. I ended up having to pick it out with tweezers. Wtf, life! How does that even happen?! No, I wasn’t wearing them upside down. Hahaha!

Yes, I’m a strange character, you should all know that by now. But guess what? Strange is awesome! True story.

Rambling Goat

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Author: ramblingg0at

Life loves to set me up for its own entertainment. But instead of me hiding these awkward moments, I plan on sharing them for my own (and possibly your) amusement. Now who's laughing, life?

3 thoughts on “Guys love Men

  1. I think you’re the skinnier Australian version of me. I can’t do girly things. It takes me maybe 15 minutes to be ready for work, I love all the sports (but baseball and golf), and I’m incredibly chill. I have feelings like a normal person, but I don’t over think things to death.

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