Turning Lamebos Into Rainbows

Rambling Goat and Nonsense Unicorn present… The Awesome Person's Guide to Life

Flying is funnnn

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I’m flying a lot lately (planes, not over consumption of drugs). Mostly alone – I go back and visit friends in Sydney because the flights are cheap and its only a 45 min flight.

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Most of the time I get chosen for the emergency exit seats, which I find an awesome accomplishment. I’m usually pretty relaxed and not much fazes me so I’m glad they can work that out from a sidewards glance while checking my ID. Or maybe its my shoes..

One flight I got the emergency seat and got the window seat so I was happily grinning that *I* was the chosen one who would have to rip open the door thingy if we crashed. I walked up to the seat and there was a young fit guy sitting in the seat alongside the aisle. I said something like ‘Oh sorry can I get past? I’ve got the window seat. Guess I’m the chosen one today!’ and grinned. He looked me up and down and didn’t say anything, not even a smile back. He wasn’t impressed. I guess I just de-masculinised him. But looking at his oversized singlet (and exposed nipples), I’m pretty sure that was already happening.

Another lovely occurrence when I catch planes is what the TVs have playing as I’m sitting at the boarding gate. It’s always news on plane crashes.
Let me give you a rundown on what was playing on above my boarding gate right before boarding for my last 4 flights:

*News on the Malaysian airlines plane that crashed. Something about them not being able to find the plane out in that vast body of water.
*Malaysian airlines release photos of those who died. They actually flashed up all the photos of the Australians on the flight and were still going through them as I walked under the TV to board.
*News on the plane crashing over Ukraine. Something involving the fact that even the pilots don’t know the flight path chosen until they get in the plane. So basically, passengers have no pre-warning that their flight will fly over a dodgey country. Greeeeat.
*Today they’re showing the memorial for victims of the Ukrainian crash. There’s wreaths and people crying.

If I’d never flown on a plane before I would be shitting myself.

And with that I now have to board, brb.
And through the magic of television, I’m back!

Well turbulence is fun. I keep reading my book and the person next to me stays calm. I know this because I’ve been the one next to a book-reader during turbulence and I wanted to high 5 them, it’s genius. But if the book reader looks out the window, a small amount of fear creeps up and if they put the book down and close their eyes then you’re pushed in the deep end and are on own to stay calm (you’re screwed). So I’m the casual ‘this turbulence is normal’ type. And that’s because I’ve experienced horrible turbulence before..

It was a flight back from Europe with The Hulk. We had a 3 stopovers – Dubai (we spent the day there), some Russian/Ukrainian/Slovenia type country (I didn’t book the ticket and it was the middle of the night for a fuel stop) and China. So it was a looong journey to get home (damn you Australia for being so far away!). I could also blame my lack of money for this horribly long journey.

We were on the last leg from China and there was no westerners on the plane. We hit some really bad turbulence and the hulk was trying to talk to me. I told him I couldn’t talk because I was trying to not feel sick. Then it happened – someone spewed. Then like dominoes, a sympathetic vomit situation happened (or maybe now that one had started, the others felt it was ok to just let it out) and while experiencing really bad turbulence, I heard and smelt a whole bunch of other people spewing. Nope, definitely couldn’t talk.

So I sat there staring at the back of the seat in front of me, telling my stomach to not get any ideas. I glanced down, nope there was no sick bags within easy reach – oh god I hope these people aren’t just vomiting on themselves.. I look over and someone had vomited in their empty dinner container, oh god.

In a moment like this, knowing there’s no other English speaking passengers around me was somehow very disturbing. I look over at the the hulk. “You ok?” Two words is all I can handle when I can taste vomit in the back of my throat. “Yeah fine, how are you?” Classically calming. I just shook my head.

Well in conclusion, we landed soon after that. Holy shit, I was elated. Not for surviving (which I guess is pretty good) but for holding my vomit down and finally being able to disembark that vomit-stench confined space. Fuck yeah!

I’m going to go ahead and say that flights are pretty awesome *most* of the time. So travel more folks, its not always terrible!

Rambling Goat

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Author: ramblingg0at

Life loves to set me up for its own entertainment. But instead of me hiding these awkward moments, I plan on sharing them for my own (and possibly your) amusement. Now who's laughing, life?

7 thoughts on “Flying is funnnn

  1. I remember flying for GC once and there was turbulence – I wouldn’t have cared as much if the guy next to me didnt start breathing into a bag repeating “god we are going to die” – jerk!

  2. I’m reading this post waiting at the gate for my flight. Perfect… or should I say horrible timing. ๐Ÿ™‚

    • And now I’m reading this comment at the gate at the airport. We’re stuck in some weird loop! Hahaha that or we fly too often ๐Ÿ˜‰

      Hope you had a good flight filled with book readers and no vomiting ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. Pingback: Flying is funnnn | operation CDL

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