Turning Lamebos Into Rainbows

Rambling Goat and Nonsense Unicorn present… The Awesome Person's Guide to Life

Questions to Life #5


1. How do people with no arms wank? With their feet?! Wow, that’s an awkwardly disturbing image. Or do they attach a vibrator/dildo/fleshlight to a wall?

2. How do hedgehogs/porcupines/echidnas mate?! Spikes = baaad.

3. Is rap technically poetry read out loud? With a beat behind it?

4. Why is the bullseye in darts only worth 50 points when a triple 20 is 60 points?! Can’t they just bump the bullseye to 70 to make it worth aiming for??

5. What if dreaming is actually our consciousness travelling to another spot in the universe (or parallel universe), and when we wake up and think ‘that was an odd thing to think up’, it actually literally *happened* out there somewhere?

Wow this ended up pretty deep.

Rambling Goat


Author: ramblingg0at

Life loves to set me up for its own entertainment. But instead of me hiding these awkward moments, I plan on sharing them for my own (and possibly your) amusement. Now who's laughing, life?

10 thoughts on “Questions to Life #5

  1. Haha I was totally gonna say fleshlight for the people without arms! Or for girls, there are penis seats that they sit on (true story, saw it at a sex shop).

    I hope my dreams don’t really happen cos my brain can think up some random ass crazy shit!

    • Well think about it, if you ever die in a dream, you wake up. But if it was just a dream wouldn’t you be all ‘3 more lives left!’ and respawn like in a video game? 😀

  2. 5 might be true, if the brain truly is a quantum computer…

  3. OMG!! I’m so freaking glad you asked #1. So there’s this lady at my work who had hooks for hands…no kidding…hooks for hands! I’ve always wondered how the fuck does she hold a vibrator? These were some serious questions you asked today…thank you for bringing them to everyone’s attention.

    • If they’re metal hooks maybe they’re magnetic? You could use a metal vibrator then haha! It might work for knives and forks too? Might get annoying sticking to things all the time (but on the plus side, you’d find all those bobby pins that seem to become lost within a week or two of buying them).

      But more worryingly, how does she wipe her arse with hooks?! I used to wonder that about pirates.. I’ve decided a grappling hook would be way more awesome than a hook but again, that’s dangerous to the nether region. Maybe she’s got a Japanese toilet!

      Dammit my convos always turn to shit (literally!), my bad..

      • No way…I’d be way more concerned about accidentally piercing the clit/dick rather than wiping my ass…also: how does she blow her nose? She could have boogers up there for days! It’s all a mystery really….I may just have to date a guy with hooks for hands to find out these answers…#lifegoal

  4. oh.my.gawd…..I’m investigating now. What an incredible idea….

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