Turning Lamebos Into Rainbows

Rambling Goat and Nonsense Unicorn present… The Awesome Person's Guide to Life

Sex Toys and Chilli


Well the hulk came up for the weekend. If you have no idea who I’m talking about, here’s a couple of previous posts ‘The hulk doesn’t care so neither should you’ and ‘Sexing an ex’.

He brought a bag of goodies with him. Yeeeesss indeedy. Somewhere between remote controlled vibrating panties (worn while making food – pretty dangerous) and some handcuffs, I went along with the idea of anal. Which I haven’t been able to do in years, mind you. No no, its cool, let’s try anal again THE DAY BEFORE A CHILLI FESTIVAL. I seriously do not think things through.

Well at the festival the next day I ate a shitload of hot chilli paste, oil and marinades (sadistic because I don’t even like hot foods..). Someone said ‘you’re pretty tough for a girl’ early in the piece which crapped me off – No, I’m a person at a chilli festival. When in rome, you sexist dickhead. Want me to rub chilli in your eyes and see how ‘manly’ you are? 😀

Meanwhile back at the ranch again, there was a ribbed cock sleeve in the bag which ended up turning from awesome to paaaaaain. Plus a lot of clittention (see what I did there, totes making up words). And there you have it kids, 547 sex injuries is good for once – the whole region hurt by the time I went to the toilet, covering up the specific anal/chilli poo pain. Huzzah!

And I’ve come to the realisation that I’m not destined to love anal. Even when I could handle it in the past, it just felt like I was shitting backwards. Over and over. So sorry guys, that ship has sailed. Unless you have a tiny dick 🙂

In conclusion, small dicks are good for something and DO NOT rip your butthole the day before a chilli festival, unless you’re planning on damaging everything around it too.

Wow, my life advice is getting intense..

Rambling Goat


Author: ramblingg0at

Life loves to set me up for its own entertainment. But instead of me hiding these awkward moments, I plan on sharing them for my own (and possibly your) amusement. Now who's laughing, life?

15 thoughts on “Sex Toys and Chilli

  1. Damn girl…damn.
    Texas chili is legit, or so I’ve been told.

  2. Intense indeed!

    I shall heed this advice. Duly noted.

  3. Pingback: Online Dating Freak-outs | Turning Lamebos Into Rainbows

  4. I do Love anal, very much!

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