Turning Lamebos Into Rainbows

Rambling Goat and Nonsense Unicorn present… The Awesome Person's Guide to Life

Jobs I’d rather not do

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There’s plenty of under acknowledged, hard working citizens out there every day doing jobs I couldn’t bring myself to do. I thought as a sign of respect for those in these positions, I’d mention a few. Maybe when we’re having a real shitty day at work, we can quit whining and just be a bit more appreciative that some people put up with bad situations that we couldn’t handle.

*Sewerage officer – just working around that stench would be enough to turn my stomach, but the constant fear of splash back and having to clean off a myriad of weird and wonderfully disgusting objects from the grate would be awful.

*Tip worker – again, the stench! They say you get used to it and yeah I worked at one for 3 days and you really do, but that’s the worst part. YOU get used to it, but don’t even think about going down to the shops after work because people can smell you from a mile away.

*Garbage guys – yeah I know the truck has a claw and what not but you’re still in a truck full of stinky rubbish and bin-juice.

*Furniture removalist – carrying awkward heavy objects down skinny flights of stairs would be a bitch to say the least.

*Working with the mentally ill – yeah ok someone with multiple personality disorder could interest me to no end, but the rest would be tough. I once had a mentally ill lady spit at my feet when I worked as a gardener in the city. Another time she spotted me and yelled that me and my coworker were racist as we walked down a path. She didn’t seem to be of another race and we weren’t even talking. Another mentally ill guy there loved boxing, with his imaginary competitor. Which is fine until his imaginary competitor gets too close to a group of picnickers.

*Hooker – disabled people. The elderly. The morbidly obese. The derogatory. Girls (and boys), I have so much respect. Really.

*Dominatrix – weeing in someone’s mouth. Nope, couldn’t do it. I can barely wee with someone standing outside the door! I guess these girls have good control of their stage fright.

*Maternity nurse – not so bad? I once flicked over onto a doco right as they showed a babies head coming out. Noooooooope. I would never want to see that again. I’m still scarred. I’m not exactly a baby person so I guess that doesn’t help the situation. Oh and I kept flicking channels (after swallowing my own vomit that appeared in the back of my neck) and somehow it was on a different channel too and now it was showing a caesarean birth. I thought they cut 3 lines and opened it like a door. Nope. Its the same as out of a vagina, except out of a hole in your stomach area, akin to a sci-fi movie. Probably shouldn’t have watched tv that day. And yeah, seeing that all day everyday would give me nightmares and I might unintentionally vom on a few newborns. Think I’m a weakling? Guess what, you’d see dead babies too. Yep, you’d have to be pretty mentally strong to handle this job.

*Prison officer – everyday in the back of your mind you’re thinking you could possibly get shanked in the face by a sharpened pen lid. And you’re not really allowed to make friends with the prisoners so its not even like you could protect yourself through psychological means. Fuck. That.

*Armaguard truck driver – you’re driving around with a truck full of money. I’ve played GTA enough to know that’s bad.

*Abattoir worker – holy fucking shit, this would be indescribably bad. I’m already unable to kill a mosquito without feeling guilty thanks to being Buddhist so this would ruin me. I’d be in a corner in a foetal position rocking back and forth. Awesome news though, they’ve made the first meat patty in a lab! Heck to the yes I’ll be eating that when it eventually comes to fruition as a viable food product. And no, I’m not vegetarian. Which is why I respect the abattoir workers who deliver the supermarkets meat without us having to truly comprehend the psychological capabilities it took to get them there.

Can you think of any more?

Rambling Goat

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Author: ramblingg0at

Life loves to set me up for its own entertainment. But instead of me hiding these awkward moments, I plan on sharing them for my own (and possibly your) amusement. Now who's laughing, life?

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