Turning Lamebos Into Rainbows

Rambling Goat and Nonsense Unicorn present… The Awesome Person's Guide to Life

I’m attracted to Junkies


Well people always say you have a ‘type’ that you’re attracted to. Tall man, brown hair, dark eyes. Or maybe blonde woman with cheeky blue eyes and a tiny waist.

Well, fuck. I worked mine out from the majority of guys I’ve slept with and dated and lucky I have no shame because i’m pretty sure it’s junkies.

Ok I shouldn’t be so harsh because none of them were into needles, missing teeth or covered in dirty scabs but most of them have been into more than the *occasional* drug or drink.

Oh and let it be known that girls are a different story, junkie girls aren’t my thing. But that’s another story for another day.

So now that I have worked this out, I’m not sure that its helpful to my life at all. I always knew I liked bad boys but having a few tats and a dirty-boy smirk is a bit different to getting sent a photo of a guy I fucked snorting coke off a toilet cistern. And then I go and reply with ‘I wish you were licking that off my clit’. Fuck. My bad. Encouraging drug use.

I guess it’s good that everyone’s different and we’re all attracted to different types of people but wow, the science behind it is crazy. There’s a guy I know (yep, takes lots of drugs) and whenever I stand near him I swear I can smell his pheromones. This might be exaggerated because he’s off limits (an ex’s friend) but daaaamn, I can’t breathe properly around him and if I sit next to him its like there’s some magnetic force pulling me towards him. So I just sit there all awkward and have a mild heart attack inside. Stupid pheromones.

I knew a girl in high school that only wanted to go for football players (no, not soccer). And I know a guy that loves foreign intelligent girls.

So if you haven’t already, go and work out your ‘type’, it could be an interesting revelation. Or maybe you’ve known it for a while. What’s your ‘type’?

Rambling Goat


Author: ramblingg0at

Life loves to set me up for its own entertainment. But instead of me hiding these awkward moments, I plan on sharing them for my own (and possibly your) amusement. Now who's laughing, life?

26 thoughts on “I’m attracted to Junkies

  1. Batshit crazy. I don’t know why that is, but I just seem to gravitate towards girls like that. There’s just something about them.

  2. I like skinny men that are dumber than me, but not caveman dumb–just a few IQ points. Though, I attract the gambit and then I let people down because they’re too dumb for me, or I can’t keep up if they’re smarter than me and I get self conscious. Unless they’re forgetful, which means I can talk circles around them.

    • Oh man, this could spawn the funniest dating site.

      Yeah my junkies kind of go hand in hand with terrible spellers and it does my head in. I want to find the holy grail; a junkie that can spell. I definitely think intelligence level can’t be too far beyond us or what could you possibly talk about?! I can blow the mind of a stoner by talking about pulsars and quasars (thanks 80gb of space documentaries) but start talking about the circumference of a circle and i’m out. My eyes glaze over and I’m thinking about unicorns.

      I’m in your forgetful bunch, but that’s good for you because not only can you tell the same jokes and they think you’re hilarious, if you happen to give them a mediocre present one birthday (or just nothing “you’re present will be a bit late”) they wont remember. The only thing I remember getting, EVER, is a pet snake for my bday. That’s definitely something I can’t forget.

      • Website tagline:
        Don’t have the key to my heart? That’s ok, you might have the kryptonite to my libido instead!

        • Hahahahahaha that is gold!
          But what type are YOU? That’s the difficult thing.

          If I could be bothered to do this I actually would, it would be hilarious. And everyone’s profile pic would have to be a photo of their butt. Or an inatimate object. Because let’s face it, the worst thing about dating sites is everyone’s stupid pictures.

          • I need side boob action.
            Or your favorite book

          • Favourite book would be pretty insightful!

          • I’ll have my comic book ready! Let’s get this shit going!

          • Oh, I think that I’m everyone’s bbw. I’m cute, but I eat everything. I run, so I have stamina and I don’t lay there. But I’m not eating in bed.

          • I ate chips in bed the other night, does that count? Haha I actually bit my lip on the last chip which ruined the whole thing and I had a swollen lip the next day. Such a tard.

            Hahaha but if you actually did food in bed, you could possibly tick off 3 things on the sucket list! Sex with food, eat the food, and if you’re lucky it could be their fetish. Squirt some whipped cream on ya giney and be all ‘do you want cream with that?’ πŸ˜€ I guess to eat it though you’d have to do it back too. C’mon, that’d be fun, I think you should change your mind on that one!

  3. My type? Big butt and a dirty mouth…I guess I’m quite generic πŸ™‚ At least with your type, you’re never guaranteed the same experience twice! πŸ˜€

    • Hahahaha that’s a good point πŸ˜€

      Yep I like me a dirty mouth girl too, but not an obvious one. More like when we’re in public and she whispers something filthy in my ear mmmm yes! Innocent looking on the outside, a horn bag on the inside πŸ˜€

  4. My type is girls who are attracted to junkies, but I’m only a little bit a junkie so it’s a source of frustration for me.

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