This post was done at the request of a interesting and hilarious gal, head on over to her page for some entertaining reads; The Narcissist Writes
Here goes. I’ve had ex sex with 3 of my 4 long term relationships. And I don’t regret it at all.
One I will call Peter Pan because he never wanted to grow up.
We caught up years after we had dated, had a few too many drinks and ended up back at his house. We both ended up laughing mid-sex, laying there staring at the ceiling then both saying ‘this isn’t working’. We were both awkward and uncoordinated. The sexual connection was gone, we were definitely only in each others friend zone now and we were drunk.
There were no hard feelings, we just gave up trying to force something that wasn’t there.
Another one I will call Mr Married as he is married now. I’ve already mentioned this event briefly in my post here. I basically just used him and left but he was the one who broke up with me so it was a little bit of semi-revenge like ‘and THAT’S what you’re missing out on!’, but mostly I was horny and too lazy to look for another taker haha!
This sexy man will be tapped again, I’m sure of it. The sexual tension is still the highest I’ve had with anyone in the past 10 years and he seems to feel the same; “I love my wife but my cock is yours”. Meow!
The latest ex I’ll name The Hulk because he has a hulk poster haha. I still sleep with him because its easy. We’re great friends, both single, both know what each other likes and I love his family and am continuously visiting them when I’m in the area. I realise it won’t carry on forever and I’m fine with that. And we both agree we wont date again anytime soon (we live 6 hours drive from each other and I only want open relationships now, he doesn’t), so its not done as an attempt to win the other back. Its just convenience. We sleep with other people too so although I’m convinced I am immune to jealousy in life, he has his moments.
The latest was when he was driving me into the city, and I mentioned that I had a few hours to kill and everyone was busy (including him) so I’d probably go hang with a sex partner. He didn’t like that he was delivering me to my next root which in hindsight sounds bad, but I’m open and honest and if the situation was reversed I wouldn’t care in the slightest. I forget that not everyone is as casual as I am.
Editors note in 2015: we’re now dating again.
The one ex I didn’t sleep with after we broke up I will name Ronald because he was a true redhead but dyed it (and his facial hair) black. I looked past the fact that he was 30, living with his parents, was jobless and slept in a single bed, but he ended up being an alchy (he drank 19 beers while watching TV one night!), a violent drunk and pissed his pants on me twice in said single bed (and then blamed me! Ha!).
I broke up with him and gave him an ultimatum “pay me the $500 you owe me or never speak to me again”. He chose the latter. This might sound like a rant but I honestly don’t have any hard feelings towards him, there was a good side to him too (the sober side). I gave him the choice because I was honestly happy with either option, but that’s the real reason I didn’t try ex sex with him – we stopped talking.
I did the next best thing though, I sent NU over to his place for some sexy times. He wasn’t good for me as a partner but he was good in bed so sharing is caring 😀
I guess I’ve learnt that:
* If you end a relationship on bad terms its probably not going to work.
* If you end on good terms but don’t have sexual attraction/tension anymore then its probably going to feel too awkward.
* If you broke up on reasonably good terms and still have a sexual attraction/tension then it will work.
Don’t hold it to me, I guess maybe others might have different experiences, feel free to share your experiences too.
I knew a girl who had ex sex with a bf from 10 years earlier, they started dating, had a baby and are blissfully happy last I heard. So that could happen on the off chance too. Hectic.
Anyway I don’t think its shameful, or that it should be hidden at all. Everyone has sexual needs and yeah they might not be right for you as a partner, but it doesn’t mean they can’t satisfy you in the bedroom.
And in fact, if you’ve taught the ex what you like while you were dating, they’re probably one of the best roots you can get! Beats meeting some random at the pub and having laughably awful sex. Although don’t get me wrong, that does make for a good story, and I do enjoy those moments but in the satisfaction stakes you need some good sex in the mix too 😉
Oh and there’s the added benefit of not having to worry as much about shaving, what underwear to wear, if your sex face looks hot or awful, how you’re going to get home in the morning from god knows where, if they can actually keep a conversation, if they are giving off the serial killer vibe etc etc.
If it starts getting weird, just cut the umbilical cord; tell them its starting to feel weird and you’d prefer not to do it anymore. Problem solved! 🙂