Turning Lamebos Into Rainbows

Rambling Goat and Nonsense Unicorn present… The Awesome Person's Guide to Life

Butt Plugs


So as I was googling ‘are modern humans more intelligent than cave people?’ (My dad thinks we aren’t cos we don’t invent anything from nothing, they’re all inventions from adding knowledge to older inventions) and drinking beer out of a mug (where the fuck are all my cups?! I’d drink it out of the bottle if it was glass, but its those home brew brown plastic bottles..) and I started questioning butt plugs. Look, I get distracted pretty easily, totally normal.

So what the FUCK is up with butt plugs? Not sure why you’d want to cork your butt up, it’s not a bottle of wine. And if it was it’d be a shit one (haha! Oh man, so lame..).

And while I’m on the shoving-things-up-your-arse topic, what the fuck is up with anal beads? Is that not just like shitting out nuggets? I had a schnitzel the other day and got that feeling the next day for FREE. And it didn’t make me horny. It made me check the bowl and think wtf. I felt like some tiny sparrow and the toilet bowl was my nest. So is it wrong of me to put anal beads and poop fetish in the same category?

Please note that I’m pretty ignorant on the whole topic, but feel free to tell me what I’m missing here. Anyone that knows/uses/enjoys/understands them, enlighten me. Or I’m going to be forced to buy some and test them out. Then try to send them back for a refund hahaha!

Rambling Goat

Edit: So I bought a buttplug. And now have 3. One vibrates. So ok I get it, BUT who was the first person to jam something up there and go “ok that feels good, I’ll just leave that there for a while now..” Was it a caveman? With a stick? So I’m still confused about their existence (and lolling at the wine bottle reference) but hey, I’m just rollin’ with it.


Author: ramblingg0at

Life loves to set me up for its own entertainment. But instead of me hiding these awkward moments, I plan on sharing them for my own (and possibly your) amusement. Now who's laughing, life?

5 thoughts on “Butt Plugs

  1. Anal (including a butt plug, anal beads, and anal sex) isn’t for everyone; if you aren’t a fan of a finger, you will really hate a plug. Personally, I hate anal beads. Anal plugs give you a “full” feeling–but everyone’s experience is different. I like to think that women that love anal are gay men trapped in a woman’s body.

    • Bahaha that’s a hilarious way of thinking about it. Thanks for the insight 🙂 A finger is fine, but a row of nuggety bumps is downright confusing to me. I guess if a plug is somewhere between finger and dick then it doesn’t sound too weird. Although I heard people leave plugs in there for hours at a time wtf! I’ve done anal quite a few times, mainly to see if I liked it but its not better than normal sex for me so I just don’t see the point? Sometimes I feel like I’m missing out, but then I remember its a shit hole 😛

      • I soooo cannot leave it in there that long. Cleanup alone is shitty (pun intended) enough that I would rather not have to deal with it. I don’t hate anal, but I’m not impressed with it either

        • I’ve started sussing out people walking in the streets to see if it looks like they’re wearing a buttplug or not hahaha I figure they’d be waddling, not strutting 😉

  2. Pingback: Valentines gift for bf: Awkward Fox | Turning Lamebos Into Rainbows

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