Turning Lamebos Into Rainbows

Rambling Goat and Nonsense Unicorn present… The Awesome Person's Guide to Life

Vomiting Tales of a Drunken Lunatic

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If you haven’t vomited yet, you’re not partying hard enough.

We’ve all been there, right?  Maybe drunk a little bit too much alcoholic goodness that your stomach couldn’t keep it all in?

Well,  I suppose when it happens to me, it’s never at a convenient time of being located near a toilet.  So,  here’s a list of some of the interesting circumstances that I have ended up drunkenly expelling my stomach remnants.

If you have some stories to share, comment below!

Places I have vomited

  • This wasn’t alcohol induced,  but I did projectile vomit in the middle of a busy walkway at the Easter Show one year after eating a dodgy hot dog and riding on the fast train ride.  Luckily,  I missed people by inches, but my partner at the time was not amused and walked 3 metres behind me for the rest of the day.
  • In the middle of a train station platform (I think nobody saw,  but I was too immersed at the time to tell).
  • Luckily the train had a toilet after the platform incident,  so 2 hours of barfing in there all the way home.
  • Into a plastic bag Rambling Goat held to my mouth while I was driving up a windy country road.  Pretty dangerous in retrospect,  but this was before the days of knowing alcohol was still in your system the morning after – and there was nowhere to pull over.
  • On my lap while driving to work.
  • On my lap (again) in the middle of a road in Phuket, where 5 guys had to carry me back to my hotel room, still barfing all over myself.  Classy, right?  Not my fault their tequila shots are like 1L jugs.
  • Naked, over a bath full of ice.  Although I don’t remember this happening so if I didn’t see it it didn’t happen, right?  Rambling Goat would think otherwise of this…
  • At a music festival,  I once ate a hot dog and magically barfed it up again whole and intact (I seriously don’t even know how that happened).
  • Walking home from said music festival,  I think  I may have vomited on every tree we walked past like a dog marking their territory – that could be up for debate though.
  • After drinking almost half a bottle of vodka at a wedding (why else would you have it there on the table if it wasn’t meant to be drunk?!),  I vomited all over myself and the backseat of a friend’s car.  I think they had to drag me inside and put me naked in the shower to wash it all off.  They don’t talk to me anymore.
  • In my mouth while serving a customer at a fruit shop.  I had to smile and nod and pretend it didn’t happen and spat it into a bin below.  While going out to the toilet,  I also vomited in the middle of an aisle in the shop.  I told them I wouldn’t be coming back.

There are probably many more stories that have been forgotten due to my past of severe drunkeness.

 

Nonsense Unicorn

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Author: nonsenseunicorn

Just another twenty-something year old making sense out of madness. Boom.

2 thoughts on “Vomiting Tales of a Drunken Lunatic

  1. HOLY SHIT just laughed so hysterically that I am now crying with snot running out of my nose ohhhh man we’ve had some adventures alright! I can think of 2 more though: *the naked vom then faceplant in said vom, which led to the bath of ice (and yep, there was alcoholic drinks in that bath) *valentines day after the music festival was a vom-an-hr type night, and that hotel bathroom had seen better days by morning. Also I had a new bf call me for a happy valentines day romantic type convo and he heard you vomming in the background hahaha!

    Well I once projectile vomited on a tree then later tried to kiss some guy in our group, he was like ‘nahhh you’re gonna taste like vomit’.
    And my greatest achievement is vomiting into a bowl in my room, then my bf at the time came in to go to bed, said ‘WTF IS IN THAT BOWL?! That stinks so bad, fuck.’, I sleepily said ‘I felt sick, can you tip it out?’, and he did but never let me live it down. Better off in a bowl than on the floor though right?

  2. Oh and let’s not forget my vomit on all fours down some city station steps after work farewell drinks. My love interest of the night spotted me, then my boss, then the cops, then the cops flagged a taxi for me, and the guy who was having the farewell had to find my wallet to find my address and got me home. I felt so bad the next day I dropped some money in an envelope into his letterbox. And the love interest rang me the next morning to see if I was feeling better ‘don’t even have a hangover, come meet me tonight!’ Well he did and surprisingly we ended up dating for a number of years. Vomit can help you pick up apparently haha!

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