Well I’m out of the ‘I think I’ve got pink eye’ week and into the ‘I just trapped myself in a shower’ week.
Now before you start thinking I’m into some poo-meets-face fetish, it was a split second of distraction that caused this pink eye drama.
One of my awesome guy friends was talking about how distracting and off-putting it was to spot hair around a girls’ butthole during sex. I’ve never seen that in my travels so was curious/worried that I could be one of those hairy butthole girls.
I messaged my ex something along the lines of ‘do I have a hairy butthole?!’ but was met with laughter and a ‘I’ve never noticed any?’ response. Well it doesn’t rule it out completely so next option was to have a look, which by the way is pretty difficult. I couldn’t see any so tried to feel if there was anything there. Well I guess my brain got bored with the whole thing at that point because I stood up, got rid of the mirror, THEN GOT AN ITCHY EYE AND SCRATCHED IT! Dammit, stupid distracted brain.
I write another msg to my ex. ‘Say hypothetically you touched your butt (after a shower) and then touched your eye accidently, what’s the chances of getting pink eye?? Forget the convo I had previous to this..’
I get another laughter response and ‘pretty likely’, so without asking more innocent bystanders and googling it, basically assumed I was about to get pink eye for the past week. But folks, unless pink eye doesn’t actually give you a pink eye like it claims, then I think I’m in the clear! Yayyy. Never have I been so excited to have ‘normal’ eyes!
Well with one first world problem over, of course life was going to give me another. And that was making me trap myself in a shower.
Long story short I had my 2 dogs sleeping in my bathroom overnight, I put down newspaper and had a wee to clean up in the morning. I pulled up the newspaper and instead of putting the bath mat back down, jammed it between the vanity and shower and disinfected the floor. It was still wet when I had the shower so when I closed the door, the mat opened (like that sword swallower who swallowed an umbrella – yes that actually happened) and when I went to get out, the door wouldn’t open. It was one of those memory foam types so was quite stiff and was managing to keep the door closed. So I used force and managed to jam the mat between 2 panes of glass. Greeeeat. A lot of I’m-cold-and-naked fumbling ensued and I finally managed to escape.
I used to think I was pretty life-smart but I’m not entirely certain on that anymore..