Turning Lamebos Into Rainbows

Rambling Goat and Nonsense Unicorn present… The Awesome Person's Guide to Life

Dick Photos

3 Comments

Ok folks, the inevitable has happened. I’ve had dick photos sent to me. Yeah, more than one, like it was a modeling photoshoot or something. Guys get squirmish if we mention tampons or pap smears, yet we have to deal with far more from them.

The cocky (haha) ones are sending photos or flopping them out at parties while drunk, the self conscious ones right before sex mention that ‘its not big but it does the job’ (this has happened to me several times!! I don’t care, just hurry up and make it do its job or get out!) and the immature ones doodle (haha) pics of dicks everywhere like they have some sort of dick obsession. Shouldn’t they be doodling boobs? Or vaginas? You’re focusing on the wrong bit! 

I think honestly the worst thing to say is ‘just touch him’ because I, like many women, already consider dicks some sort of alien creature with its own brain. I’m not dickphobic, but personifying it to be like some sort of second person is strange. However, I’m totally hypocritical on this one. 

I’m not interested in dating, so this guy I sometimes see doesn’t interest me in the dating sense, but I do travel god knows how far and take photos even while muddy and injured (see my valentines day post if you don’t know what I’m talking about) for him. And that’s totally not me. I’m no weakling who fawns over men, and I certainly don’t *normally* flit around like some magical sex fairy. So all I can put it down to is that my vagina is obsessed with him, and I’m just along for the ride. So yeah its strange and hypocritical but I can safely say that any guy that has personified their dick to me, hasn’t been interested in me OR had their dick obsessed with me. 

Point of the story is, guys, when you’re reeling back in horror about our tampon convo, we’re reeling back, laughing and then sending those glorious dick photos to our bestie. Some girls might love a good dick photo sent to them, but I find it extremely awkward. What do you respond to that?! ‘Uhh thanksss that was greeeat!’ I never asked for it, I kinda wasn’t attracted to you in the first place, and now I’ve seen your junk I really don’t want to sleep with you at all. Send me a photo of you vacuuming or doing the washing up (we all know thats the holy grail!) or maybe even just a happy smiling shot and I might change my tune. Well he didn’t, he sent a photo of his teddy. Held up next to his face. And told me it slept in his bed. Not kidding in the slightest.

Fml.

Rambling Goat

Advertisements

Author: ramblingg0at

Life loves to set me up for its own entertainment. But instead of me hiding these awkward moments, I plan on sharing them for my own (and possibly your) amusement. Now who's laughing, life?

3 thoughts on “Dick Photos

  1. Lolz lolz lolz
    My friends and I trade dick pics like coke lines; some for everyone involved.

    This is quite splendid. It’s weird to me too how men treat their dicks as a separate entity… But you can like a penis and not the man so maybe they’ve got something there…

  2. Pingback: Online Dating Freak-outs | Turning Lamebos Into Rainbows

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s