That crazy Nonsense Unicorn put me in Tinder. Being addicted to amusement, I’ve found a nice way to make this seemingly simple activity into a hilarious adventure. Each day I have a new fake occupation to tell my soon to be uninterested matches about (in lengthy detail), the more obscure the better.
The idea started with Nonsense Unicorn telling someone at speed dating a few years ago that she was a Llama Farmer, without any preparation for possible questions. There were questions. But hilarity and imagination is way more fun than talking about your job to someone.
So here goes, a list of already used or potential fake job occupations for Tinder, speed dating and life in general;
1. Taxidermist (i’m actually a trainee, so any kind of road kill donations would be appreciated to help me practice)
2. Philosopher (I get paid to ponder things in life)
3. Tennis ball quality control officer (I throw tennis balls at a concrete wall, then measure how far they bounce back, put the results in a spreadsheet and then give powerpoint displays to fellow staff)
4. Unicorn vet (unicorns need medical attention too)
5. Chook whisperer (if your chook stops laying eggs, it could be feeling sad, I can get to the bottom of these issues)
6. Play doh maker (you’d be shocked if you knew the secret ingredient!)
7. Worm farmer (we actually use sensual music like Barry White because the vibration from the slow beat encourages mating)
8. Tissue box designer (we try to think outside the box haha!)
9. Button designer (we try to think of new innovative designs)
10. Fulltime chess player (I’ve got sponsorship deals)
More suggestions welcomed!