Look, we all know that girls dont poo or fart, but if they *did* then girls who drink beer or champagne will totally get why this is awkwardly hilarious. I’ve done this a few times but with partners, but this time I speak of was even more awkward.
I’d been drinking and sexing this new guy all night, it was the first time we’d hung out properly. Because its a new guy of course I was trying my best to be clean (if he’d look anything other than blissfully happy while kissing me, i’d slink off and clean my teeth – beer breath is deadly!), look sexy even in awkward positions (eg laying on my side with no bra – am I right girls? Haha) and conveniently wear sexy lingerie (I actually had to rewash the whole lot before I went over because they smelt dusty!). So I was on my best (albeit drunk) behaviour, trying to leave a good impression.
We eventually fell asleep, but in the middle of the night I awoke to a noise. Now, in my defence, I’d drank a lot of beer, but in my half asleep state I knew exactly what had happened. Yep folks, in the deafening silence of the night, i’d let rip. Gas had escaped, and enough to wake me up. As I had been asleep, there was no care taken to silence this outburst. Ohhh shit. I looked over within .3 of a horrified second to see my sleeping companion flinch. Great. I’m done for, you don’t flinch while ‘sleeping’ in the dead of night. My only hope is that he’s so tired he thinks its a dream, or forgets it by morning.
I go back to sleep and yep folks, this classy gal isn’t finished because I bloody did it again. Did I hear a giggle then or is that ME nervously giggling?
After laying there for what seemed like an eternity, using whatever senses I could in pitch blackness to work out if he was awake, I realise I need to lose the shame, shit happens. I can’t take it back and although I certainly won’t be bringing it up as a conversation piece in the morning, this guy has to realise (if he even heard/remembers/cares) that we’re only human. As one friend said “if he doesn’t talk to you again cos you farted, he’s got issues”. Maybe actually this was a good thing to test if he’s a superficial tosser or a good guy? Hahaha