Turning Lamebos Into Rainbows

Rambling Goat and Nonsense Unicorn present… The Awesome Person's Guide to Life


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If technology fails

NU and I were discussing the possibility of all technology failing on earth. I was thinking a Pinky and The Brain type situation where an evil genius uses a giant magnet to ruin our lives.

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I'm obviously not a scientist but it sounds legit?

But we’ve decided that although this would suck and you would suddenly only be friends with people within walking distance, there are plenty of fun and entertaining non-technological activities that could be done instead.

Let me name a few:
*Folk dancing
*Picking flowers
*Skipping through meadows
*Playing bongos
*Making a fire on the beach
*Birdwatching
*Creating a flinstones car
*Skipping stones
*Having a mud bath
*Eating grass
*Using a hula hoop
*Tap dancing
*Selling potatoes at a market stall
*Playing a violin
*Making a fishing rod out of a stick
*Climbing trees
*Making a treehouse
*Throwing cow poop at eachother (bf suggested this – he grew up on a farm.. Enough said).

See? Plenty of fun stuff!
Basically we’ll all be hippies.
But if you think about it, hippies are always happy so maybe they’re onto something?

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Anyway make sure you memorise this list because with no technology, you can’t check back for ideas :O

And if you’re rolling your eyes and doing your daily Lumosity (I’ve gone up 50 smarts I reckon!), note the following positives that come from no more technology:
1. No more celebrities. Who cares what they’re doing anyway?!
2. No more paying for petrol or having phone and electricity bills! Huzzah!
3. You can grow your own food and sell a cow for a house (or build your own out of guano), so basically there’s no need to work.. Woooo!
4. You can live in a cave and throw rocks at people (NU and I like to imagine this life when we’re having a ‘people suck’ day).
5. You wouldn’t be sitting here watching Iron Chef with the chosen ingredient of ‘lettuce’ while everyone else (including your partner) is out with friends drinking.. *shifty eyes* Alright fuck this, I’ve gotta go do something.

Rambling Goat

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Getting drunk over DD

I’m feeling pretty shite right now. I’m laying in a foetal position and am hungover on a Wednesday. Luckily, I’m unemployed right now so I can stay in bed yayyy.
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So I guess I should update you guys.

Living arrangements
I moved back in with bf and his family and it’s been crazy. There’s 7 people living here and another 6 that visit regularly (weekdays/nights). The bf’s siblings have even more over on weekends. So basically I don’t have privacy and everything smells like weed and cigarettes (not from me, but apparently last night I contributed “booze smell”).

The only quiet time I have is mornings before the oldies start wandering around and talking painting with me. The boys start arriving home after lunch and then it’s busy until I pass out while they’re all in my room watching TV.

Work
Like I said, I’m not working. I wanted a break from the craziness that was house renovations 7 days a week. The more that people ask when I’m getting a job, the less I want to apply for one. The pressure is creating the opposite effect.

But on a plus side, different members of the household have asked me to do things and have paid me for it, so I’ve been painting for the past week for cash. I have plenty more painting to go and a car to wash, so I feel no real desire to look for jobs yet. Mehhhhh to that.

Love/sex life
Ugh.
Well bf and I are fine relationship wise. He shares a joint with the boys most nights which is not a lot in the scheme of things, but it’s enough to affect his abilities in the sack. On the plus side, it’s giving me an opportunity to do more – I really truly suck on top, so I’m getting some good practice in :D But still, one of the times it felt like I was humping a lifeless sex doll.
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Combine that with the fact that he works a long day, goes to the gym everyday, cooks some nights and then there’s people in our ‘mancave’ bedroom till 9-10 pm most nights and hey presto, my massive libido is actually dying. SO different from my last post.

Apparently there’s some thing called ‘bub night’ that I can ask for where I get private time with bf for the night. They’ve only just informed me and I’ve been back for over a week. Sooo we’re having a bub night tonight. And we’re going to move into a rental place once we save up for the bond YAYYY PRIVACY!!

Why I am hungover
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Bf’s brother just got a job at the same company as DD so he got home from work and told me he saw him. I decided right then and there I needed to get drunk. Wasted in fact. Bf doesn’t like me talking to DD so I’ve stopped communication with him. I miss him :( I still have very fond memories and strong feelings for him but I have to keep it to myself, it’s a fucking huge Lamebo.

Very strong Bacardi and cokes were my rainbows for the night, but this morning I realise it didn’t solve the problem. The only two things that can truly eliminate this Lamebo is:
a) breaking up with bf (which would just create another Lamebo because I love the shit out of him) or
b) time. He said it himself last night “I veto’d dd but in the future I most likely will un-veto him”.

When I was drunk and the boys were stoned, we spoke about DD and it even came out that bf went on a date. Instead of us all discussing poly in a mature fashion (ha!), bf took some backward steps into the safe monogamous zone and then claimed that I made him go on the date. I didn’t know her, I’ve never spoken to her and I didn’t organise any of it! Yes I wanted him to explore meeting up with and possibly dating other women but I never *made* him do anything.

Mehhhh. I just hope in the future that poly is accepted as normal so people don’t have a fear of judgement.

I’m really disappointed that bf couldn’t just say ‘yeah I had a date, there were no sparks. I tried to meet up with her another time for play but she stuffed me around with availability so I got over it real quick and moved on’. That’s the truth. If they were all openminded, I’m sure he would have been more open and less accusatory and it could have been an open discussion rather than a RG is so cray-cray moment. Oh well, fuck it, I am always myself openly and honestly. I’m good at being me, I wouldn’t want to be anyone else :) Judge me and watch me not give a shit.

I know the boys love me and it’s not that they were mean to me but the closed minded “you’re supposed to only be with one person” comments just made bf slink away into his safe zone. I’m happy that they know a bit more of our story (albeit a skewed version) but trying to explain why is wayyyy too much effort.

Nek minut, I’m eating maccas and drunk texting nonsense to people (sorry Jake!) Hahaha. I then passed out and dreamt of DD awww <3

So here I lay friends, another hungover morning in this weirdass place called life.
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Rambling Goat

Ps. I’m soooo reheating lasagne for breakfast :D

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7 Comments

What I’ve learnt from Fetlife

If you’ve been wondering where I’ve been, high libido + haven’t had sex in a month = addiction to fetlife. My brain hasn’t been able to fathom putting together words for a post for you (and the one I managed to do, deleted itself grrr! I’ll do it again soon..). Basically the vagina is controlling the brain right now.
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On the plus side, I managed a new record – 4 wanks in 24 hrs. Apparently that isn’t that much according to a couple of guy friends, but nevertheless, that was probably my blogging time being spent elsewhere…

So my life has been fetlife, wanking, drinking, working like crazy (7 days a week at the moment) and I’m moving house tomorrow so packing and cleaning fits in there somewhere. But rest assured, I’ve been feeling guilty, so I’ll try and give you a quick post!

I figured seeing as I’ve been on fetlife a fair bit, I’d run you through what I’ve learnt from this magical and very kinky social network:

1. ‘Weirdness’ is embraced
Got a love of feet? Latex? Sloppy kisses, saliva transfer and spitting? Girls dressed as cats? Sucking on pacifiers/dummys? Gas masks? Play rape? Scuba outfits? Being beaten until you’re covered in purple welts? Having sex with married men? Playing ‘mummy’? Playing ‘daddy’?

These are just some of my friends on fetlife. And there are tons more variations, all chillin’ out, chatting to one another. Abnormal is totes the new normal o.O

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2. Fetlife encourages you to grow more fetishes
I went on there with what I thought was *maybe* one or two ‘fetishes’ – A title which I scoffed at. Surely I like these things the same amount as other people so how can they be a fetish?

Well I now apparently have farrrr more than 1-2 and I’m realising they probably are fetishes. Not everyone is into mine, just like I’m not into a bunch of fetishes that my friends seem to like. But after chatting to friends about theirs, some have appealed to me and boom. Now I have a reasonably sized fetish list that just keeps growing.

3. Bdsm is a whole big wide world
It’s a biiiig world but thankfully there’s plenty of articles and friendly people to guide and support you along the way :)

There’s just so much to learn! You learn tons about yourself and you can learn as little or as much as you want in regards to bdsm and fetishes.
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4. Most people are really lovely
Most fetlifers have realised that it’s silly to judge – no one is better or worse, we’re all different.

I say *most* are lovely because there’s always some dickhead in the crowd. You get it everywhere.

4. Exhibitionism works in your favour
If you’re like me and like perving on naughty photos, well luckily there’s a bajillion hot girls and guys taking photos and showing anyone who’s interested. You don’t even need to ‘friend’ or talk to half of them :O

Of course it’s hit and miss though – along with the erotic models and cute guys and girls next door, there’s old man dick pics. Don’t say I didn’t warn you!
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5. Fetlifers aren’t all extremists
Yeah, there’s plenty that are into water sports (urine play, not kayaking), or Master/Slave relationships, or full latex outfits but there’s plenty that aren’t. In fact, the more time I spend on there, the more I realise that these ‘extreme’ fetishes/relationship styles aren’t even that extreme. Sure, I’m not into them but some are and I can appreciate that other people enjoy them for various reasons.
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Lets be honest though, crawling in and eating poop is pretty bloody extreme. I’ve only come across one photo of that on fetlife and it was copied from a scat porn website rather than an actual person doing it at home. Judging by the ‘hard limits’ listed on people’s profiles, I can safely say that scat play is pretty rare.

So lets go with proper extremism is not really as prevalent as I would have thought. There are a bunch of vanillas and photographers on there chillin’ out and mostly the rest of fetlifers only have a few kinks (eg. shibari is really popular)

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All in all, fetlife is interesting. It amuses me, arouses me and infuriates me. I’ve made some good friends there, learnt a bunch, analysed myself and laughed a lot. The ‘wtf’ face appeared quite a few times.

If you’re interested in bdsm, I highly recommend joining the community. On one hand it’s nice to have this side of my life kept as a dirty little secret but the logic part in my brain says the more the merrier! The more people who accept us for our kinkiness, the less taboo bdsm will be. If absolutely nothing else, I hope I’m encouraging you to be more open minded :)

Rambling Goat


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WINNER! Go Sisterhood go!

Im pretty elusive on here because let’s face it, most of the time laziness wins over thinking of writing something meaningful. Nonetheless, here I am being nominated for some Sisterhood award, indicating that my ramblings – as ridiculous and far between they are – can rub off on a few people!

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Thank you to the precious JBlondie for the nom – I would reblog your blog but I’m writing on my phone and I can’t work out how to do it! Maybe this is it….

http://jblondie.com/2015/03/10/sisterhood/

So answers to questions aye….

What is your favourite position?

Onesie – couch – blanket. That’s what you meant, right?!

If you and your ten year old self would meet and have a talk, what would she be telling you?

“Eighteen years and you NEVER finished Mr Nuts on the sega? And you call yourself a gamer…”

What is the first bit of writing you did out of school/ homework?

I used to write a lot of teen angst poetry on my MySpace blog. I had a journal of dreams too – which haven’t ceased to be fooourked up.

What’s your favourite song now?

Always was and always will be I Want to Break Free by Queen.

Flavour of the month is Uptown Funk by Bruno Mars.

If you could tell the world just one thing what would it be?

Don’t step in the goo. Also, treat others as you wanna be treated.

Okay that’s two things but they go hand in hand!

Which period of history had the best clothing?

1980s cos then you could dress like Adam Ant and be radical like this:

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Yessssss.

What makes you suddenly and disproportionately cross?

Nail biting, snoring, slurping, and people who make noises when they eat and chew with their mouth open.

How good are you at keeping secrets?

I’m good at keeping other people’s secrets but not my own (must have holes in my pockets).

Do you have a pet? Tell us about him/ her.

I have three guinea pigs who live with me. They’re the three musketeers.

I also have 3 cats that live with the parental unit cos mum wouldn’t let me take them. One of them started as a girl but one day exposed his doodle to us so we had to change his name.

My dog also lives with the parental unit – blue heeler, she’s adorably smart and dumb at the same time. Not very good at catch (like me her hand eye coordination isn’t the best) but she tries.Terrified of tiny fluffy dogs even though she could probably eat them.

If you could invent anything what would it be?

A clear toaster!

And I nominate….. YOU!

Nonsense unicorn


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My Favourite Things

Zelda and Eevee and rainbow space kittens,
Gummi and popcorn and toe socks like mittens,
Blueberry cheesecake and when Bowie sings
These are a few of my favourite things!

Xbox Nintendo and Playstation missions
Drinking the vodka til I lose my vision
Onesies and snuggles and laughing like kings
These are a few of my favourite things!

Rabbids and nonsense and thrusting my pelvis
Singing to Queen and poking the Boys’ crevice
Sailor Moon, candles and dinosaur rings
These are a few of my favourite things.

When the dicks bite, when the lamebos troll,
When the hangover’s bad
I simply remember my favourite things
And then I awkwardly finish this appropriated lyric with no rhyme because that’s how I roll. Boom.

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Are You Attractive?

Simple answer: yes.

But you’re probably thinking ‘wtf RG, we’re not ALL hot?!?!’ so let me explain.

1. At some time (either now, in the past or in the future), your look was/is/will be popular:

Hey guys – Got a bit of meat on your bones? 
In the Middle Ages and the Renaissance you would be deemed more attractive – your size showed your wealth and prosperity.
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Girls – Got big shoulders? Untamable hair? A straight up and down shape?
Guys – Got skinny legs? Unruly hair?
The 80’s loved you.
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Girls – Got a thin body but a prominent bum?
Guys – Got thin legs but a prominent gut? Double chin?
The 1700’s were all over that
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Got an afro? Big ankles? One leg longer than the other?
Ladies and gentleman, put on those pants that are perfect for you (flares), shoes to even out your leg length (platforms) and get yourself to a disco!
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2. Features which you think make you stand out for all the wrong reasons are normal and/or popular in some countries/cultures:

Girls – Petite? Straight hair? Small features?
Guys – Shorter? Struggle to grow facial hair?
Asia loves you
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Girls – Big booty?
Ever heard of a little ol place called Brazil? Or Colombia? Jamaica?. Heck let’s just say all of South America, Central America, even North America and Africa are loving your buns. Damn girl, damn!
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Plump? Obese even?
You’re going to be mighty popular in these 10 countries (some of them may surprise you!)
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Girls – Boobs not so perky?
There’s tribes in Africa and South America that have your back. And front.
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For more stunning and truly interesting photos of this tribe, head to the source of this photo http://eye4ethnic.blogspot.com.au/2012_11_01_archive.html?m=1 Consider it your intermission hehe :)

3. So basically you are either:
a) similar looking to others – you’re not alone in your looks so therefore are considered ‘normal’ (and is normal unattractive? No, its normal!) or
b) standing out from the crowd – believe me, standing out from the crowd can actually be a good thing!

Nowadays, not only is being different accepted, it’s encouraged. Looking different actually makes you interesting.

Got a gap in your teeth? A mole? Think your eyes are a little far apart? No hair? Androgynous? Albino African American?

People are legitimately making money from having those features.

All 6 examples here are high fashion models making PLENTY of money, and they get the jobs because they stand out from the crowd.

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Jess Hart

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Cindy Crawford

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Gemma Ward

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Alek Wek

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Andrej Pejic

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Shaun Ross

4. It’s all relative.

I went to school with this girl who one day told me her woes – she had small ears. Now up until that exact moment, I’d honestly never noticed them. I looked at her ears and realised she didn’t have a problem, it was me that was my problem – my ears were huge. I felt like Dumbo.

This sounds completely stupid of course, but there were only two of us there. So who has the unattractive ears? Well no one. To know who’s more ‘attractive’ I’d need to know if big ears or small ears were popular and I’d need to see a range of ears before deciding if our ears were actually big or small.

To a giraffe, a tall person is small. To an ant, a short person is a giant. To an elephant, an obese person is thin.

So who are we comparing ourselves to? Obviously not John Smith down the street, because he’s no match for Becks. So apparently ‘attractive’ people make the magazines where the ‘average’ and ‘ugly’ folk don’t. And just to make sure we feel like a sack of shit on comparison, attractive people are photo shopped, have loads of makeup on and covered in fancy clothes and jewellery.

But before you go thinking “yeah, fuck you celebrities and models!”, just remember they get criticised in other magazines when they look their natural self, go figure! Magazines, movies, the red carpet/award ceremonies and advertising are subconciously harboring unrealistic expectations of us.

Right here, right now, I can promise you one thing – if I ever end up famous, I won’t wear makeup, I won’t wear fake nails and I won’t wear clothes based on the label. I won’t be wearing some big glitzy gown down the red carpet and I won’t be wearing millions of dollars worth of jewellery. I’ll be the semi-natural one (sorry but I love dying my hair and having shaved legs – let’s not get too carried away!) who will probably appear in the ‘stars without makeup’ section of the gossip mags. But check me out not giving a shit.
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Being yourself, comfortable and confident is absolutely attractive. And can they really tell me I’m ugly without makeup if they’ve never seen me WITH makeup? Ha! Totally messing with the system ;)

So getting back to ‘its all relative’ and comparisons I’ll say this; comparing yourself to others in an attempt to work out attractiveness is a waste of time. I can’t tell the difference between a hot dolphin and an ugly one, they’re both cute and I want to touch their noses :)
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5. Apart from all that, everyone is attracted to different people for different reasons.

I love redheads (possibly due to #3b)
Apparently I’m also attracted to junkies (is it the wounded bird mentality?)
I love quirky people, blokey blokes, gentlemen, older men, younger men, girls with a beer in their hand, girls with a STEIN in the hand, lipstick wearing girls, people with unusual coloured hair, guys with beards, girls with big boobs, medium boobs, small boobs, tattooed people etc etc.

The fact of the matter is, we are all attracted to some people but not others. It’s way too hard to analyse. And I’ve only really scraped the surface based on looks – There’s also style, personality, idiosyncracies, age, gender, hobbies and more to add into it!

I’m terrible at maths but my calculations say there are going to be stacks of people who don’t find you attractive, but that doesn’t make you an unattractive person. Not by a long shot. You’re very attractive. I’m even going to go ahead and say you’re downright sexy. Someone out there is going to high 5 me in agreement and then maul the shit out of you.

And the next time someone doesn’t like the look of you for whatever reason, remember that somewhere, at some time, to someone, you’re the sexiest person alive.

Rambling Goat


4 Comments

Happy Mardi Gras!

The annual Mardi Gras are happening in Sydney tonight and I’m so sad I can’t be there :( I’m in the mood to party! Theres 140 floats this year shiiiiit yeaaaah!

I know you Americans have a Mardi Gras but I’m confused – Wikipedia tells me it’s a Christian parade but Johnny just told me if girls show their boobs they get necklaces. Uhhhh what? Please enlighten me!

And I’ll attempt to enlighten you with the awesomeness that is The Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras :D

As I’m in the party mood, I’m drinking and going to be completely lazy by copying from wikipedia and putting up a bunch of photos!

Mardi Gras, is an annual LGBTQI pride parade and festival in Sydney, Australia, attended by hundreds of thousands of people from around Australia and overseas. It is one of the largest such festivals in the world and includes a variety of events.

The event grew from gay rights marches held annually since 1978, when numerous participants had been contentiously arrested by New South Wales Police.

The Mardi Gras Parade maintains a political flavour, with many marching groups and floats promoting LGBTQI rights issues or themes.

Reflecting changes since the first Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras, participants in the Mardi Gras Parade now include groups of uniformed Australian Defence Force personnel, police officers from New South Wales State Police, as well as interstate and federal police officers, firefighters and other emergency services personnel from the Australian LGBTQI communities.

Marriage equality was a dominant theme in the 2011 Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras Parade with at least 15 floats lobbying for same-sex marriage.

And let my intoxicated self give a big ol ‘fuck you’ to our prime minister for still not allowing gay marriage. His sister is a lesbian and in a long term relationship. He’s a straight up homophobic douche, it’s 2015! *end rant*

Now, back to partying!!

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Rambling Goat

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