Turning Lamebos Into Rainbows

Rambling Goat and Nonsense Unicorn present… The Awesome Person's Guide to Life



Why I love the ‘uncool’ guys

You might read this blog and think NU and I are super cool, super popular gals surrounded by guys who look like models and wear fancy clothes but you would be dead wrong. Growing up we had a group of guy friends who were dorky, innocent and nerdy as anything and we loved it.

We went to a Catholic School and they went to a Catholic School but while I (I won’t speak for NU) was smoking behind the school, getting detention, getting drunk, skipping school and chasing boys, they were getting good grades and going to church. While I was bringing home a shirtless (and sockless) guy at 6am who casually swears in front of my breakfast-eating parents, these guys were sound asleep. Or waking up to go play soccer with friends in the park. Ah, such innocence :)

Why they were friends with me is anyone’s guess but I now have a sneaking suspicion they were living vicariously through me.

Times haven’t changed though, I still love guys like this. Guys that NU and I have coined ‘Giggling pack of virgins’ or ‘GPOV’. I don’t mean to discredit or devalue people here – we created this code name when our group of guy friends were all virgins and it just stuck :P

Anyway, I truly do love the uncool guys. They’re the underdogs, the nice guys. You know the ones (or maybe you are one of them). They blend into the background, do good deeds and have them unnoticed, are never picked first in sporting teams, are inexperienced with the ladies, don’t have many friends that are girls OR all the girls they chase just end up wanting to ‘just be friends’ etc.

We have a seemingly unlikely alliance but apparently the GPOV’s are still putting up with me and I’m still reveling in their unsung awesomeness.

I spoke about this not long ago with my friend Jake. He’s definitely not a GPOV and oozes coolness like a celebrity (but isn’t a douchebag like most ‘cool’ people). NU and I sat with him in a ritzy bar and got talking about GPOV’s. He wanted to know why we wouldn’t prefer to have guy friends who are more similar to us. It’s a legitimate query, your friends are usually on the same page as you. So I’ve decided to explain why these guys are legendary and how our quirky symbiotic relationship works.

Why GPOV’s are great friends:
*They have your back. Good guys value friendship and comradery. To put it simply, if you’re spewing in the bushes, they’ll take you home rather than ignoring you to hit on some chic.
*Speaking of which, they won’t try to hit on you. They don’t want to ruin a good thing and they don’t actually think you’d be interested in them anyway. From what I’ve learnt from Johnny’s teachings, they’re probably wanking over you a fair bit but they certainly don’t let on to us that this is the case.
*Their innocence amuses me. For example, I have this friend who’s not real experienced with food and drink. So I keep taking him to a Japanese restaurant that NU and I love and now he’s tried crispy fish eggs, ox tongue and octopus balls (shape, not actual nutsack). As for drinks, he’s now had grape beer (in a can), Tequila shots, Mojitos and Guinness. Every single new experience was hilarious to watch, I even took photos of most of these first reactions :D
*They’re usually free to do stuff with you. No need to try and work in to some busy guys schedule! You can ring them on the fly and unless they have some family thing, they’ll be there.
*They make the effort to do stuff with you. None of this ‘I’ll ring you if I’m in the area’ bullshit, they’ll travel to most places within reason. Having a bday celebration 1 hr away? No problems.

The other side of the symbiotic relationship is the benefits of having a semi-wild female friend:

*Learning the female mentality. Much like a guy who grows up with sisters, they actively seek out knowledge and learn a ton about how to deal with women.
*More success with the ladies. Having a girl that is a friend always scores a guy well in the ‘finding a girl’ department. It’s a subconscious thing but we trust other women’s judgement. If they were the ‘I’m going to murder you in your sleep’ kind of guy, guess what? No female friends. Ok that’s a sweeping statement but whatevs, it’s pretty true.

*They get an insight into a different world. They can be taught stuff that they dont yet (or don’t ever want to) actually experience eg. drugs, raves, one night stands, orgies.
*They’re amused and enthralled by my stories. I don’t actively entertain them with my weekend debauchery but if something happens to come up (inevitable when playing ‘I never’) then I’ll just mention it casually and they instantly want to hear more.

So there you have it, an unlikely friendship but a great one nevertheless. Appreciate the good people around you everyone, that’s what makes life worth living :)


And because that was way too hard to find just one awesome ‘unlikely friendship’ pic, here’s some more to warm your hearts! image




Rambling Goat


Leave a comment

Nonsense Review: Skyrim (the NU guide)

For those who don’t want to read the whole post: Skyrim is pretty much the best game ever in the universe of gaming so just get it and sell your soul to the eternal heavenly bliss of awesomeness.

It’s so radical that I’ve been playing it for like 5 years or some crap like that and I haven’t event finished the main story yet. Why? Because it is the game that just keeps giving!

Why do the main quest when I can be a farmer, or thief, or assassin, or spend hours running around aimlessly stumbling across secret temples?! The possibilities are endless which makes it a game that never gets old.

It’s also the perfect game you can always go back to in between the other games you try to play but end up being sorely disappointed by cos they’re not as fun/ big/ long/ exciting as Skyrim is.

The lowdown 

You start out as some povo person who actually has the blood of a dragon and is destined to save the world from evil dragons. What’s not to love about that?! 

So not only are you some hectic dragon warrior, but you also solve some civil war and all this other stuff along the way.

Make your own character

The first 20 hours of the game is spent making your own character! You can choose from a range of races, from elves, dark elves, lame nords, LIZARDS, or awesome cat people.

So, I’ve been going through as a dragon born CAT boom.

What’s cool about that is that your convos through the game can change depending on what race you are. Like some losers think it’s cool to call me a “milk drinker” yeah?! Well… Let me smack ya with my FLUFFY TAIL. That’s what I thought.

Horses defy gravity

Horses are from Mars and can traverse any landscape, including mountains 

And they fight for you like equine ninjas.

Bonus fun tip: climb to the highest mountain and see how far you can jump off on your horse. You have no idea how many hours are wasted doing this. The hilarity that ensues is worth it.

Question your morals

So there’s also some hectic religious stuff going on in the background where you may meet these demon peeps called Daedra. Some of them are evil and some are questionable…. But all of them usually result in some awesome weapons or glory.

Will you sacrifice an innocent pleb for the glory for an awesome demonic sword? Will you?!? I think yes.


So yeah okay, the game might glitch sometimes. But let’s just not talk about that ok? Besides, if you save your game appropriately then the glitches are just hilarious! Like floating 2 metres above your horse like some mofo ghost. What’s not to love?


I give Skyrim a lifetime of high fives, because let’s face it – I’ve got the attention span of a walnut, so for something to keep ME entertained for eternity it must be good!

Nonsense Unicorn



Nonsense Review: Skyrim (RG’s version)


For those of you who don’t know Skyrim, let’s summarise it as a medieval video game with sorcery, dragons, trolls and giants. Yes, on face value it sounds nerdy as all shit but it’s made so well that you can’t help but be dragged into the hype once you start playing it.

Let me stop all the skyrim fanatics right here though because before anyone starts talking technical mumbo jumbo with me, I’m going to say straight up that I’m not a hardcore quest-hunter but am more of a bumbling idiot. Thankfully skyrim allows for bumbling idiots and hilarity ensues.

I’m not going to give you a proper gamers review, actually I’m just going to say that Skyrim is epic. I appreciate a game where I can do all the kind of shit that I can’t in real life and this is one of those games.

Let me tell you a few of my tales:
1. I killed a woman who ran an orphanage. Before you get those glarey eyebrows on me, she treated the kids like shit. Apparently some assassin was meant to kill her so when I did it instead, I got drugged and had to kill someone else. Fair enough, makes perfect sense (?). I picked a guy who looked like a cat who told me he was a criminal. The assassin people were impressed so now I’m an assassin.

I’m sure I’ll get around to going to their den and making ‘hits’ but for now I’m trying to sell swords and shields that I steal off skeleton corpses because I want to buy a house and it’s $5000. Priorities people!

2. I paid for a guy to be released from jail. After taking the money, the guard scoffed and said he’d ‘get around to’ letting him out. I got impatient and didn’t trust him so I got into a ‘sneak’ position (crouched, soft footsteps) and pickpocketed him. Well I was right in front of him so he saw me. Because I helped the jarl (leader of the town), he let me off. I checked my pockets, the bastard still had the key! So I went ahead and helped myself to his pockets again, this time from the back. Again, he caught me. This time I paid him to let me go. However due to some weird loophole, I now had a bounty for pickpocketing a guard twice so after taking the money happily, he tried to chase me. I bribed him to let me off for the bounty.

In conclusion, I want to become invisible and pickpocket the bastard again. I just think about that poor guy in jail (I can’t remember what he’s in there for) who should be released. Mainly because I paid for it, let’s be honest.

3. I found a conjurer with a firey apparition lady. Awesome! So I walked on over happy as larry and the mofo’s killed me (death #1).

I figured they were bad so headed over ready to kill and rob them, as you do. As I was nearing the sight, well tickle me pink – a bear was mauling them. Awww shit yeah, killed them without trying! Let’s get to the robbing. I headed over to the body of the person and stole their clothes, but the bear turned around and ran back at me. It then mauled me and my lifeless body fell onto the naked corpse (death #2).

Ok new tactic. Nope, a bear mauled me on my way to the site (death #3).

Ok far out, now I’m just wanting this over with. After shooting my arrows into the rock I’m trying to hide behind (I’m a dud aim in archery), the conjurer came running at me and the fight was on! Holy shit, I succeeded! But I look around and my offsider (she’s some chic who fights for me and more importantly carries a shitload of junk that I want to sell) is dead. God dammit. I grab all the stuff off her and realise I’m now carrying 500kg/lb worth of stuff and am walking at snail pace. I’m in the middle of nowhere and my horse ran away ages ago when a bear was mauling me. I decide to go back to my last save point (with my bow aimed at the rock). Let’s make this death #4.

Death #5 came about with me trying to sneak up on the conjurer and use a new spell that I hadn’t tried before (a firey explosion). Seems it didn’t work. Also, my offsider died again, possibly due to said explosion.

FINALLY I defeated to stupid bloody conjurer and it’s stupid bloody fire lady. I saved the game and got the frig out of there.



So, as you can see, Skyrim is amusing, fun, hard at times, a massive time-consumer, random as all shit but also teaches you life lessons on stuff you’ll hopefully never have to encounter.


Rambling Goat

Ps. For Skyrim fans who are wondering, I’m a redhead Wood Elf :D


Period Blood: An insight into the greatness of a man.

We’ve all had them – bloody incidents. Period blood ends up where it shouldn’t and the proceeding encounter with your paramore or last night’s pickup is awkward at best.

I do believe there’s something good that can arise from this awkwardness though. Men, I know this is alien territory to you, but the way in which you respond to this icky incident is going to be noted. It legitimately shows us how great you are.

I’ve had 3 period-meets-man incidents in the last 2 months. Maybe this is because I don’t have a little calendar that maps out when I’m due, or maybe it’s because life finds it hilarious to put me in awky situations. It even gave me 3 ‘Aunt Flo’s’ in 2 months. Fucker.

The first was a full blown blood on the sheets sex incident with DD.
The second was a get your rags literally seconds before a play session incident with my play partner.
The third was a “Umm do you have a cut on your foot because there’s blood on the floor” followed by shifty eyes incident with DD again.

There was one amazing occurrence through this – they didn’t care. They didn’t screw up their face, they didn’t say ‘yuck!!’ and they didn’t seem to be looking at me differently. They reacted calmly and positively. They found solutions in a matter of seconds. This absolutely shows me that they’re not douchebag idiots, they’re genuine great guys. They understand it’s life and sometimes awkward incidents happen, no big deal.

When I was younger, the guys I encountered were not exactly courteous. The mere mention of period and they would scamper across the room with a horrified look on their face. Call it immaturity or call it douchebaggery – hello, we’re not diseased! We hope.. And yes, we think it’s gross too! Except maybe this girl..image

So as much as we curse the evil that is menstruation, maybe it’s not so evil after all. It’s a natural douchebag radar :)

Oh and another quick lesson to be learnt.. Don’t go to the bathroom naked and tamponless when you have your rags. Jus sayin :/

Rambling Goat



Complications and Nostalgia

Somewhere between drunkenly burping cheeseburger breath on a granny and dripping period blood on the floor, I decided I was whheeeeyyyy behind in my blogging. I’ve been super busy at work and home and had very little spare moments to ramble on about stuff. But I have a day off work today, so ramble I must! Huzzah!

So I’m still living with DD. Apparently having 2 dogs, a temporary job and one income (I’d be living on my own) does not look the best for a rental application. As I own an investment property I even spoke to my leasing agents to try and secure me a place and they did try, but the owner of the property I applied for denied me. So I’ve given up looking.

On the upside, I’m saving a shitload of money so it’ll be used on a deposit to buy another place in about 6 months.

We’ve had a few issues living together though. One is that he’s a massive analyser and in comparison, my brain is like an empty room.





I did the 16 personality test and got hardly any score for thinking and feeling which I guess means I’m mostly chilled. I dont spend too much time and energy on things – if I have a problem with something I just say it right then and there.

He on the other hand, is constantly thinking and analysing and has a shitload of feelings. He brings up conversations we had 2 weeks ago and wants to discuss what I said during that conversation to clarify for himself. It’s intense! I have the memory of a sieve, so I can’t actually function like that. It’s an impossible task. Many times we’ve been having a ‘relationship talk’ and I’ve been yawning. My bad. I’ve told him it’s not ever going to be a relationship and that’s that. Some people you’re meant to be with, others you aren’t.

So yeah, it’s complicated (how unusual for me) but he’s now more of a FWB that also occasionally has dates with me and cuddles me on the couch. We’re just living in this strange little world until I move out and then we’ll go to FWB’s.

I haven’t seen my play partner for a few weeks and it’s weirdly sent me into this lonely zone. I guess sleeping with only one person and not being allowed to meet new people is really messing me up. That and my ex’s family member who has been working with me has now left, so I’m doubly lonely and feeling nostalgic. With this person gone from work, it means I’ve lost the connection with my ex’s family (which are like my second family).

My solutions are simple:
1. Friends.
I’ve been keeping myself busy with NU and friends from work. I’m thankful to now work in a big organisation that has people of all ages and personalities and have made some great friends there. I see them everyday and we go for drinks once a fortnight. One of them last week felt the wrath of drunken vampiresque RG when I bit his neck in front of everyone though. Whoops. Not the first or last time I do that to someone, I’m sure!

2. Music.
I’ve been listening to music that reminds me of old friends and good times. I’ve cried, laughed and danced with my dog in the kitchen. I’ll never stop being amazed at the power of music :)

3. Hair.
I’ve decided now is the right time to change my hair colour so goodbye orange and hello fire engine red :D It’s given me a new spring in my step!

Tis the season to go on holidays. I’ve got my yearly family reunion and then an overseas trip planned in Jan.

For my bday in Feb though, I want to be at a pool bar, wearing a bikini, with a cigar in my mouth, a long island iced tea in my hand and a flirtatious mature gentleman chatting to me. Add some spanking from said gentleman and a hot girl for a threesome and that would be a top birthday. One can hope! Actually scratch ‘hope’, I’m making that happen. Stay tuned!

Rambling Goat


Dick Phobia

I suppose dick phobia is an actual thing so big apologies to those that have ended up here thinking I’m legitimately scared of dicks. If it makes you feel better though, I do *kind of* have issues in the ‘loving penile’ department. You see, I only love some.

[For my actual list of phobias, amuse yourself here]

I’m not sure what creates this dick interest (and disinterest) with people but when I’m interested, I’m addicted – I want it in my mouth, rubbed all over my face, I want to be face fucked until I gag and I want to provide ‘stress relief’ without any attention given back to me (although getting a “good girl” is kind of the greatest thing ever).

When I’m not interested, I don’t want to put my mouth near it, look at it, touch it and I only want it used for penetration. It’s a strange phenomenon.

Although you may think this is a bad thing for the men that miss out, it just shows that we’re not clones. We’re all different with different levels and types of attraction. And the lesson to be learnt here is that there’s someone for everyone.

Conveniently I’ve got two male play partners – one I’m cock-hungry for (who loves it) and the other I’m disinterested in (but he is more interested in being pussy-obsessed anyway). One I want in my mouth all the time (can I just fall asleep with it in there?) and the other I’ve had interactions with on/off for a year and have NEVER GIVEN A BJ. One uses and abuses me (but I love it) and as far as I can recall, has never given me oral (and the fact that I can’t remember a definitive yes or no shows that it’s of little to no importance in our relationship). The other worships my body, giving me multiple orgasms and sending me to subspace regularly. Give/take/take/give. It’s perfectly opposite and I love it :)

But back to this semi-phobia.. I think it started when I went to give a guy a bj once and he had a sweaty dick. It was foul. I wanted to vomit his disgusting lack of hygiene all over his face. But instead, I smiled, gagged internally and changed what we were doing immediately. Three second blowjob, deal with it you sweaty prick! Thanks to that, I’m a big advocate on cleanliness of your nether regions. Don’t underestimate the amazing invention called baby wipes! It’s courtesy people!

As a mainly monogamous society we seem to expect one partner to tick all the boxes, sexual and otherwise. Well the reality is maybe they won’t and that’s totally ok, we’re all individuals with different thoughts and feelings.

If you have a partner who is somewhat pussy or dick phobic and you want more attention though, I do believe that you can reevaluate the way you approach this. Communication, non-judgement, understanding and mild encouragement without putting pressure on someone goes a long way. Also becoming a seductress doesn’t hurt!

But if you’re poly or open like me, appreciate the differences in people and you’ll find it advantageous :)

Rambling Goat


Duck Quacks Don’t Echo

I have a new favourite show.. Just kidding, it’s still a tie between Archer and Adventure Time. But I *have* found this interesting English show called Duck Quacks Don’t Echo. So because I’ve been slack with the posts lately (so many drafts, need to finish, arrggghhh), I’ll entertain you with some facts that are scientifically proven on the show.

1. Laughing 100 ‘ha’s’ (fake or real) burns more calories than using an exercise bike for 10 mins.
Laughing = effective exercise.
Machine gun laughter (hahahaha) = more exercise than a drawn out laugh (haaaaaa).

2. Blue eyed people have a higher tolerance to alcohol. In saying this, they end up spending more money on alcohol to keep up with the brown eyed people, and end up doing more damage to their body.

3. Redheads have a higher tolerance to pain. Non redheads have a gene that blocks the self medicating morphine-like boost, whereas redheads get the boost and feel less pain.

4. Just to make us all feel better, there’s one area of the body that doesn’t feel pain due to the small amount of nerves located there. Think you know where it is? It’s that flap of skin on your elbow that sticks out when you straighten your arm. Pinch it and see if it hurts!

5. If you still want to try and get close to the redhead pain tolerance, swearing when you injure yourself actually decreases the pain.

Now if like me, you’re kind of bored and just want to hear some random useless (or I dare say, useful!) information, all you need is like 2 mins here, but be warned that the ‘Fact Finder’ sections are from the studio audience and not all of them are true (but most are!).

Today just hit hectic on the randomness scale! Enjoy.

Rambling Goat


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 286 other followers