Turning Lamebos Into Rainbows

Rambling Goat and Nonsense Unicorn present… The Awesome Person's Guide to Life


Byeee 2014!

Waiting for bf to arrive tonight, then I’m probably going to be off the radar till new year so here’s my last post for the year :)

I’ve got a quick moment before I have to work out why my vibrating panties aren’t working (it was his request to be in bed wearing them when he arrived). Maybe they can sense my tiredness.

It was 36 degrees today with no breeze.


I cant be bothered working out Fahrenheit so lucky my thingy has whatevers. Shhh I'm tired.

Instead of using my air con which I’m almost certain houses a family of mice, I sat under a fan. The fan wasn’t cutting it so I had the genius plan of sitting on the concrete floor in my new walk in robe. Totally not weird. Took a selfie anyway and sent it to Sharn also mentioning that I was so hot, I was considering removing underwear. Brings new meaning to the phrase ‘so hot right now!’

Anyway somehow we got onto pick up lines and I told her one that I’ll be trying out in Vegas next year (and which the glorious Daring Vagina originally got me giggling at). “I can fit 4 fingers in my mouth, want to see?”

In conclusion, I can fit 5 and I now have a scratch down the back of my throat. Sharn was also mouth-fisting out of curiosity (why did we not take photos?! Hahahahaha).

And this weekend I’ll be hanging out with the classy kink-master herself so stay tuned for a possible post/interview/photo of our tits being squashed together/story where I end up hurling in a gutter (I haven’t drank properly in months! Lightweight alert!). I was hoping to get us a lovely trampling experience with old mate foot fetish but he can’t make it – booo! :( He has promised me that when I do see him, he’ll get me a pair of high heels, converse sneakers and whatever I would like in return for trampling him. I thought shoes was the payment? Oh well spending money for my USA trip won’t go astray :D

Ok best be going. Have a glorious time no matter what you celebrate. Personally I’ll be doing Festivus on Dec 23rd (I’ve even got inflatable sumo suits for the ‘feats of strength’ part!). And then the classic Aussie Christmas which requires the following:
*Hot day
*BBQ lunch
*Some family member dressing as Santa and sweating up a storm in the costume
*Kids on bikes/scooters/skateboards everyyyyywhere – as kids you unwrap your presents first thing in the morning then spend your day testing out your new toys. Remote controlled planes + remote controlled cars + kids on bikes = Christmas Chaos.

I’ll be doing a family holiday/reunion as is our tradition after xmas, then sleeeeping for NYE, then a music festival on new years day. So have an awesome holiday break and I’ll see you all in the new year!

Rambling Goat

Ps. Vibrating panties are totally not working. So I’m totally wearing granny undies and going to sleep. Its one of those nights! Hahaha the joys of being comfortable in a relationship ;)



Silly Season Update

Sorry I’ve been a tad quiet, its just the silly season and for so many reasons. So here’s an update.

Tradies are starting to not turn up here because they’re busy right before Christmas. Good news though is I’ve been busting arse painting and making shelves and I now have a walk in wardrobe! Its tiny but its not a main bedroom so who cares. I’ve been living out of an antique one that’s only boob height so anything is an improvement on that!

Christmas presents. [Insert expletives here].


Ok don’t get me wrong, I love giving. More so than receiving. But I’m sooo poor. I’ve got $100 in my account with likely only $50 more coming in before Xmas. So basically my brother has bought stuff for me and him to give our parents and I’ll just owe him the money. Cue guilty feeling! I still haven’t got him anything but he has got me something so my money will have to go to him. I was going to get bf a fleshlight (hehehehheh) and he was going to pay for a tattoo but maybe we’ll just have to skip presents this year. I’d honestly prefer my present to be that I can talk to DD as normal again.

Which brings me to DD. Bf wants us to chat just as friends because he’s not ok with me liking another guy. I’m poly, he’s not (well not with men, women are fine), but he’s slowly getting there. Even through the mundane friend convos I now have with DD like “how’s work?” “Yeah fine, how’s your day?”, I still like him. He’s a great guy. I can’t just switch off feelings because someone tells me to. So yeah, struggling with that as usual. DD even said his goodbyes till January because he wants me to stop being stressed and enjoy my time with bf. He’s so caring <3

I'm still up to my usual antics. I had an awesomely relaxing bath last night (bath salts, wank, book) but got out and looked in the mirror – there was a freakin black spider chilling out on my shoulder. Seriously hope it wasn't there during my self-love time, that would be extremely awkward. Animals should NEVER watch in my opinion, I don't care what animal they are!

Like Ann, I’ve been thoroughly entertained with Fetlife too.
*There’s this lovely guy who loves feet, intense pain and goths standing on him with their shoes (basically my complete opposite) who is just chatting because he can. I stopped replying because to be frank, the conversation is him talking about how he’s renting a house and how he’s about to buy it so needs to fix the drain out the back. Maybe I should try to swing the convo back to his fetishes (not the foot fetish, the shoe part I can handle though!)


Although I can imagine standing on a consenting adult with these to be kind of fun..

*Another guy with a huuuge dong is telling me he would love to suck on my puss (for the record I only have face shots up and one headless shot of cleavage – all very pg rated). Ok I love guys who love lady parts but on his profile he claims something like ‘the hairier the better’. How to break it to him.. Haha here’s the convo:
mmm i wish we lived closer id love to put my beard between your legs and have your juices flow down it
As extremely hot as that sounds, you might not like it so much – I don’t have any pubes! :P
I bet I’d still love it <3
Hair is enjoyable but the taste of a nice wet pussy dripping down my tongue is still still my favorite

Daaaamn I love cunnilingus addicts *happy sigh* I actually contemplated if I'd be travelling anywhere near him on my USA holiday next year.. But.. The huge dong… My giney is equally jumping for joy and crying. Tough decision! Hopefully I'll have DD with me and won't have any time/energy to go down that route (Hehehehheh… Yeeeah root means sex in Australia).

*Omg, I've found such an awesome guy. He's poly, silly (he called me dorkbutt! Hehe), fun, and he's into pet play! What's that you ask? This.


He’s so awesome. And quite good looking. Will be keeping him in my sights for the momentous occasion when I actually get to be full poly with the bf :D he even said he sees me as a little bird and would love for me to fly in to visit his poly family occasionally, hehe how cute! And in the meanwhile, when he gets his next kitty I’m totally going round there to throw a ball of yarn around for her and get my arm chewed on. Random fun!

I’ve also been converting the sucket list and fetish list over to their own pages, so stay tuned! They should be up and ready this week. I wouldn’t bother but apparently you’re all deviants out there – views are consistent on them even several months later :P

Hope you’re all coping with the silly season and can find some time to relax amongst it all! Xo


Rambling Goat

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A Friendly Slave…Sort of


I read a lot of sex blogs from the girls perspective but dayammm, from the guys perspective is hot. I’m addicted to stereowhite <3 check him out :D

Originally posted on stereowhite:

Shin Se He Sexy Korean Model in Pink ()

At request to my friend, Yongli, I’m dedicating this post to her and the fun sexual exploits that we’ve done. If you’re reading this, hope you enjoy ;)


Yes, I do take requests.

She doesn’t know it, but I had my eye on her since before we met in college. I saw her walking around campus my last semester of college and what made her unique was that her hair was bright orange. You should know that when I say eye, I don’t mean, “man, I wanna date her,” you should know me better; rather it was more like, “I wanna fuck the shit out of that girl.” Some time later, she ended up getting wifed up to a friend of mine. I didn’t mind, they were a cool couple, but this gave me the chance to get to know her better. What I did gather from her, she loves…

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The Woes of Being a Tradeswoman

If you’re not yet aware, I’m no university graduate. Congrats if that’s what you’re into but I’m not at this point in my life. I oppose our culture pushing kids towards uni as a base instead of exploring all avenues. My school pushed me towards uni because the more kids that went to university, the more it bumped up their overall ‘rating’. So I went, lasted 6 months and decided I didn’t like it.

Instead I chose to study something that interested me and it just happened to be at TAFE (tertiary education). It has nothing to do with lack of intelligence (as stereotypes seem to say), but everything to do with enjoyment. Learning something you truly enjoy is fun but learning something and getting paid to do it as a job everyday? Even better.

I won’t completely deny the idea of university, I could very well find something I enjoy there later in life. As of now however, I’ve now got two trades (Horticulture and Natural Area Restoration) and I would like another (Plumbing – Simply because the plumbers I’ve dealt with are overpriced and treat me like an idiot, I figure I can cut out the middle man :P ).

Anyway, as you all know by now I’m into renovating houses. I own a unit in Sydney which I renovated (with an assistant aka my mum haha!) and am now renovating a farm (house, gardens, fencing) with my folks. I’m going to be doing another one with the bf once this one is finished up :) I like to think I’ve become quite the handy woman and tradeswoman but I’ve come across a lot of scrutiny and judgement based on my gender/age/size. And not even through work, sometimes it’s when lifting a bag of potting mix at the nursery!

Here’s some common judgements I’ve had:
*Assuming I’m not strong (I can lift over half my weight – 35-40kg and I weigh 58kg)
*Comments like ‘aww did you break a nail?’ (I always have short nails)
*Being told I’ll have to work like ‘one of the boys’ (I’ve seen boys who don’t work well)
*Being called a ‘dumb blonde’ (I’ve never been blonde, I’m not dumb and there are plenty of intelligent blondes around)
*Assuming I don’t know how to lift something properly (I’ve actually done a manual handling course and do a stretching/yoga session most mornings)
*Assuming I don’t know much about safety (I was in a OH&S committee with a government organisation for 2 years and completed a 4 day OH&S course)
*Not listening to suggestions to improve efficiency (Fresh eyes is a good thing, especially to a company that is stuck in the dark ages)
*Assuming I don’t understand how something works (I was told why it would cost so much for plumbing work once, I offered a suggestion which would mean I could do it myself and get parts from a local hardware store making it hundreds of dollars cheaper. His response “umm yeah, well that’s another option”. Fuck you plumber!)

And then there’s the reminder that you’re a girl when you’re working on a farm and the rest of the workers are men who casually pee into the bushes. Lucky I have a big bladder. Although I did walk back to the shed once and one guy yelled out “just pee in the bushes! Its quicker!” Ummm no. I’m not a fricken animal. This is a workplace.

Anyway let me get to my point:

There’s absolutely no reason why owning a dick makes you any more handy and frankly, I’m all about breaking stereotypes. So if like my mum, you think ‘having calloused hands doesn’t make you feel womanly’ well I am totally a woman with calloused hands. I’m not a big butch woman who can beat a man in a hand wrestle, I’m just a girl who can do tasks that predominately men do. I don’t need fake nails, makeup, high heels and an ‘oh that’s a mans job!’ attitude to feel womanly. Its not the 1950’s. I totally admit that I’m a tomboy at heart but that doesn’t mean that I’m condemned from feeling ‘womanly’.

Girls, don’t let society hold you back from what you want to do. Don’t think you can’t do something because ‘its a man’s job’. That’s bullshit. You can do whatever you set your mind to. Get that spider out of the house, get acquainted with a drill, don’t rely on a man to do something for you, in fact, if he knows what he’s doing, get him to teach you how to do it. If not, YouTube is totally your friend – there’s a walkthrough on how to do just about anything. That’s how I learnt to grout tiles (my first big ‘diy’ project) and my god, its the easiest thing in the world! And bonus – I saved money because I didn’t have to pay a tiler to do it! :D

If you want an occupation change and want to enter a male-dominated field, do it! The more of us girls that get out there and show them we can do it, the less of a stereotype we’ll get. You may find it a little hard to be a dick model but most other things are fair game :P If you need more convincing, it turns out women can earn more in a male-dominated field!
Here’s some inspiring women:



Guys, don’t feel that entering a female-dominated industry makes you any less of a man. I saw a newspaper article with a tattooed burly bloke with a beard who was a pastry chef. He makes glorious looking pink velvet cakes (which hopefully he hasn’t dropped any beard hairs into! Lol) and he is as manly as they get. And I’m so intrigued by him that if I had a choice of going to his cake shop and an old ladies cake shop, I’d totally go to his.
Here’s some inspiring men:


I want to hear a woman pilot’s voice telling me when I’ll be arriving at my destination. FYI it’s one of the most gender skewed of all occupations at 97% male 3% female, check out this story. I want to have a male nurse checking up on me in hospital. I want to have a woman bricklayer building my walls. I’m not entirely sure if I want a man giving me a Brazilian wax, but for the sake of gender quality, go for it!

I don’t want kids pushed into certain occupations because they feel uneasy about gender equality, we should base it on our passion instead.

Rambling Goat

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Kinky Q & A – It’s official!


C’mon guys, head on over to see Sharn! Send in some questions or hang tight and peruse some very naughty Q&A soon! :D

Originally posted on Spankalicious:

As I put out the other day, I’m going full steam ahead with the kinky question and answer that I will be doing once a week.


For anyone wanting to take part, you can either leave a comment on the page I created, or feel free to go to my contact me page to send me a question that way. I’m happy to put up anonymous posts if you don’t want your name associated with your questions. Just don’t forget to tell me that little tidbit of information!

Every week I’ll answer some questions.

I will put the image I bought from Claudette above on a new page called Kinky Q & A and will link to the new Q&A post every week.

I’ll be answering the questions every Thursday.

How exciting!! So go go my dears, give me some good ones and remember, no need to ask them all in one…

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Life is about Balance

I’m Even Steven.
Tonight I had an epic ‘made with love’ style hamburger from oddly, an Indian restaurant. I don’t eat much takeaway food (maybe once every 3 months) so this was a delicious treat. I was full and happy, casually walked into a different room and boom, a cockroach flew into my lip. Then it sat on the floor in front of me. Bliss – over.

But you know what, life is all about balance. The good with the bad. I have a phobia of toes, but a love of necks (kissing, biting etc. If anyone did this to my toes I’d vomit!).

I decided today to try and turn some Lamebos into Rainbows. I’ve read 4 posts (in a week!) mentioning the ‘dark clouds coming overhead’ as you come into winter. So I hope any of you out there experiencing seasonal (or regular) depression can recognise the symptoms and try to insert some more positivity into your life. Find the sunshine! Let me attempt to help :)

You can’t have a perfect life, it doesn’t exist. That sounds incredibly morbid but its a good thing, promise. In fact, the whole reason the universe exists is thanks to an imperfection (sorry, RG the space nerd just made an appearance). Imperfections make life interesting. There will always be ups and downs, likes and dislikes but because of the bad times, we appreciate the good times. Not so morbid now huh? :P

If you don’t feel like you have a balanced life, and are thinking ‘yeah but I don’t have much good stuff, its all bad!’ then realise YOU have the ability to balance it out. Its all in the mind.


Balance the negatives with some positives :)

You might think I’m this beaming ray of (awkward) sunlight that doesn’t know a bad thing if it hit her in the face. Well I’ve had depression (to the point of only leaving my bed to get food and occasionally to visit the doctor), been a cutter, had an abortion (the father was my drug dealer flatmate), been molested (by another kid), been in the car when my dad drove over a dog, wrote off my first car that I saved up the cash for because I was drink driving, didn’t make it into a uni course I wanted because I was taking too many drugs. Also growing up I compared myself to my intelligent brother (he’s doing a PhD at the moment) and felt like the runt of the family.

But I’m totally 100% happy and optimistic now. To me, all that shit is old news, I’ve moved on to greener pastures. And to talk/think about it feels like it’s another persons life. Its hidden at the back of the mind because I’ve crammed all this awesome stuff (experiences/memories/appreciation/positivity) in front of it. But I’m mentioning it all to help you guys :) I’ve had dark moments, now I’m making things into light moments. That’s my balance.

Here’s my tips to feeling awesome and balancing your life up:

1. Accept that shitty stuff happens, its unavoidable.
2. Everyone -and I mean EVERYONE – has something going on now and/or has something in the past that has impacted them negatively. DV said to me a couple of days ago “ugh I’ve had the shittest weekend” and we regaled our shitty weekends to each other. Meanwhile, I was talking to Sharn about her woes. So don’t assume you’ve got a shitty life and everyone has perfect lives, we’re all experiencing shit together!
3. Know that there’s always going to be someone who will understand your woes. Trip over a black dog and land on a sombrero? $10 says that its happened before. I’d bet more but I’d feel bad taking your money ;)
4. Don’t just focus on the negatives of a shitty situation, try and find the positives. Ok a cockroach flew in my mouth but it was a reminder to go clean my teeth. And also funny. Which leads me onto:
5. Stop thinking “poor me!”. Laugh at yourself. Sometimes shitty stuff is so ridiculous you have to laugh. Ok, sometimes its not funny and not everything in life is funny, but in those instances, don’t stop the laughter elsewhere in your life. Its not fair on yourself. There is funny stuff happening all around you, let yourself see it.
6. Find logical solutions to what is troubling you.
Depressed? Force yourself outside, force yourself to chat with friends, read self help books. For myself, I started reading more Buddhism books, changed my way of thinking, started talking to friends more, started dating this new guy and applied for a job (surprisingly I got it!).
Bad memories? Create good ones. You’ve only got so much brain space, and if you’re anything like me (extremely forgetful), this will be easy. Yes, scarring memories don’t completely fade but they will be blurry images rather than HD. So go do some fun/crazy things like cage dive with sharks, or skydive, or ride an elephant. Life is what you make it, so make it full of fun happy things! :D
Been dumped? Ok so obviously that person isn’t a good match for you. No big deal, there’s plenty of people out there who would be honoured to have you. And in the meantime, you’ve got friends, family and a rambling goat (hello there!) to pat you on the back, make you laugh and remind you that being single isn’t the end of the world :)

I can find a positive in just about everything and I find a lot of people focus on the negative but completely disregard the positive.

So here’s some examples of how I would turn negatives into positives:
*A family member passed away – they had a good life, they know I loved them, I’m glad I got to spend x amount of time with them and share my life with them and if they happened to pass away from illness then they’re not suffering anymore.
I also optimistically believe in reincarnation which helps. It settles questions in my own mind like ‘why does my dog swim like a dolphin? I thought they doggy paddled?!’ Haha :) Some of you may believe in Heaven/whatever else so use that to help you get through a tough time.

*A pet has died – ok I was talking about this to someone the other day and although I have thousands of photos of my dog and lots of great memories I also want to get her stuffed. Yeeeep taxidermy style. I know its just an empty shell but its a small furry cute shell.. Also I’ve been watching Oddities (a show about freaky antiques) so its seeming less and less crazy :P So appreciate the time you had together and if you’re insane like me, get your pet stuffed! Or get a tattoo :D

*Work is stressful – well now you’re extra appreciative of a day off. Or that help you got from a coworker, or the existence of alcohol. Maybe this is the push you needed to look for another job. Or maybe you have stress during a task but when its finished and you can relaaaaax (Not so dissimilar to school assignments/exams..)

Look if you think about it, things could be worse. And if you think its at the absolute worst then it can only get better :)

Here is today’s (and possibly the only ever) challenge! I want you to think of 3 awesomely rad things/people/memories in your life. Do it!
I’m waiting…..

I have a whole lot more than 3, but here’s the first 3 that I thought of:
Beer (its been a pretty exhausting day.. Need. One. Now!)
Cheese (don’t get me started! Mmmmmmmmmmmm)
My dogs (I’ve got 2 dogs. The one I want stuffed is the older, loving, super dependant one)

What are your 3 positives?

Oh and next time you experience negative thoughts, balance it out and find the positive/s. If you can’t, here’s your ‘go to’ solution: you’re still alive. What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. Xo

Rambling Goat



Reppin the Rangas

Let it be known – I looove redheads. Fake or real, male or female, I don’t care.

To prove this, I was just browsing the ‘redophiles’ group of fetlife (think of Facebook, WordPress and porn all in the same place) which may not seem *so* odd except for this minor detail:

I had just eaten coleslaw on my sandwich, then drank grapefruit juice and the combination made my mouth taste like a sweaty plumbers butthole. For a moment I thought the bread was off (it was pretty stale) due to NU telling me she ate mouldy bread a few hours ago (don’t worry dude, a hangover excuses the lack of observation skills) but at any rate, I had to get the taste out of my mouth. Instead of going and cleaning my teeth, I perused the redhead appreciation section for a whole 10 minutes before going to clean my teeth. Yep, I put up with the taste of sweaty plumbers anus for the sake of perving on rangas.

Footnote: Toothpaste doesn’t really help.

So anyway, the point of this post was to state that not only do I love redheads, but I like to represent them. Yep, this crazy goat dies her hair red. Still saying ‘big deal RG’? Well, its not the ‘trendy’ fire engine red (although I have done it before), its the orangey red with flecks of brown and blonde. ORANGE.

I used to see a guy that was a natural redhead. He would dye his hair and beard black to hide it. A few years later I was seeing a girl who was a redhead. She’d dye it bright red and it smelled of strawberries *happy sigh*. But one day we were at the beach and some drunk guy yelled out “ranga” and she started crying. What the! She said it was hard being a minority sometimes.

I had no idea redheads struggled, I’ve always dyed my hair random colours and not cared. But I’m a natural brunette (so didn’t grow up with the teasing), and at this point in my life I don’t give a shit what people think.

So although initially dying my hair plum/dark purple when I moved towns, I’ve now got back into the redhead thang. And have done it so I look preeetty much natural (I’ve even got the pale skin and green/hazel eyes – just excuse the brown eyebrows!) not only because I love redheads but so that any natural redheads who see me will think “well she’s wearing the colour proud, so why can’t I?”


A bit of my hair as proof! :D

I don’t think you sexy redheads out there should be ashamed at all, you’re stunning. Not only that but you’re basically as rare as hens teeth, so own it! Society is turning us into a sea of clones but why can’t we celebrate our differences? Be proud that you are a rare commodity, our differences are what make us interesting.

So there you go folks, I’m representing redheads for the love. The more happy confident redheads around having gorgeous redheaded children, the less kids will find this an excuse to pick on them. Tell your kids that being different is a GOOD thing. Being in a minority group is fun. Gain the confidence to not even bat an eyelid when someone points out you’re different. “Why thankyou, yes I am different and I love it!”

Rambling Goat

Ps. If I ever get sperm from a spermbank to have children, I’ll be choosing it from a redheaded donor <3


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